Or better said, where my head is at.
Actually, I’m not really sure of that.
I’m in a weird place right now. It’s not my normal feelings of hopeless that mark my usual bouts of depression. It’s something else. Everything feels frenetic and overwhelming, even though it’s objectively not. I have managed to extricate myself from the PTA enough to not being doing a lot of that these days. And while I did just test for my green belt – which was a significant time commitment, I was prepared enough that the weeks before were not awful.
We are keeping things really simple this holiday season. Each of our kids is getting a BIG thing they really want and that is about it. For my daughter it is a Chromebook and for my son a Nintendo Switch. We will almost assuredly regret the Switch, but since my daughter was getting her first BIG thing, we thought maybe we could pivot from lots of presents to just the one BIG present with our son, who is definitely they more present-obsessed of the two. He’s been begging us for a Switch for over a year, so he really, really wants one, and hasn’t asked for one other thing (having his birthday a couple of months ago definitely helps), so we’ll see how it goes. Not getting them much has definitely helped with the holiday stress – and having Thanksgiving be so late, and us traveling that week, also forced us to get less this year.
I still haven’t made the calendars yet – but since my grandmother is no longer with us I only have to make two. The good news is my inlaws aren’t in town so I can push that one back a bit anyway. I feel like as long as I get them printed by the New Year I’ll be okay.
My winter vacations start on Friday, which means I can go to my kids’ parties tomorrow. Part of me is sad I don’t get the day to hang out at home alone, but I know it means a lot to them for me to be there. My staff holiday party is this this afternoon, and it’s early which I appreciate because I’m fighting off something that is not fun. (So much horrible stuff has been going around at work, I’ll count myself lucky if this is all I get.)
I have spent the past three weeks being thankful that we’re not traveling anywhere or doing anything over the break, but now I’m staring 16 days straight with my kids and I know it’s going to be intense. My husband isn’t taking any extra days off because he had to take so many to go to my grandmother’s memorial. And my inlaws aren’t in town so I won’t get much help. But a couple of my daughter’s friends are around so if I can find friends for my son I’ll be set (if my daughter has friends over and my son doesn’t, things break very, very badly for everyone).
So yeah. That is where I’m at. It’s not great, and honestly I’m not sure why. I’m hoping once I’m officially off for break I’ll start to feel better.
I suspect you are deeply tired. Deeply.
Hope you get some quiet YOU time over the school break, some one on one time with each child and your husband as well.
The common nasty virus that starts here with a cold and ends with weeks of exhaustion or no voice seems to maybe have a lesser offshoot that is simply ‘no energy/no sparkle’ so may be you have that.
The outside world is feeling dank and dismal which isn’t helpful. While I am deeply grateful to be having rain and cooler weather I admit I haven’t been able to enjoy them much due to …. now 4+weeks of that evil viral cold mentioned above.
SO: Was delighted to hear from you this morning. Am totally hoping you and your whole extended family have holidays of laughter, love, happiness (and only small amounts of childhood fussing). Am wishing you a new year with no legal carryovers, one with happy school wins for your children, a new semester with classes of motivated & interested students for you and peace in our world (while I am dreaming big). Super proud of your green belt and of your sensible reduction of PTA obligations. Hope you are able to explore activities that bring you personal joy and relaxation from stress.
Hope all your readers find holidays of good cheer & joy, and renewed energy for love, kindness & curiosity in the new year.
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING YOU and sharing grace in the world.
I hope you end up enjoying Christmas and your break!
I am going to be off and home with my sons most of their winter break as well. (My husband can’t take time off during those two weeks unless he gets picked in the “lottery” at his job, and he didn’t get picked this year.) Should be interesting. . . . 🙂
I’m in a similar space when it comes to Christmas stuff. This has been a trying week and I don’t quite have a handle on the gifts for kids although we probably have them covered. Being gentle with myself has helped move through it with slightly more grace then usual. Way to pass your green belt!
Honestly I think a lot of the “Christmas magic” falls upon women/mothers and so on top of all of the other things we have to do on a normal basis, the holidays add more onto our already overserved and under-resourced plates.
Holiday parties, Christmas cards, presents, year-end activities at work, trying to figure out activities for kids when it is cold outside and many places are closed for the holidays, etc. is A LOT.
I hope you get some time for YOU to relax and recharge.