I am a teacher and it’s July so I’m not working right now. Why would I put my kid in camp, during a pandemic, when I don’t really need it?
Well, the short answer is, I feel like we really do need it. And here is why.
My son is struggling. A lot. He struggles with emotional regulation and he struggles with interpersonal relationships. He absolutely needs to be practicing reciprocal peer relations right now. He only has one good friend, that he can’t see much because he has asthma and his parents are (rightly) very caution. We’ve only had three socially distanced play dates with them, which means my son has only had three interactions with a kid his age in the past four months (they all happened in the past three weeks). While he has spent considerable time with his sister’s friends, that is obviously a different dynamic. I believe interacting with kids his age is really important for him right now.
My daughter needs some space from her brother. They are together always. When she is with the few friends we are seeing during shelter in place she has to include him. She and her friends are very good at making him a part of their play, but he makes it hard. He is acutely aware that they are being forced to play with him and he resents that they get to be together and he does not get to be with his own peers. This creates a lot of conflict. With her brother at camp, she and her friends will be free to play without having to navigate his complicated feelings.
I need a break. I’ve been struggling as much, if not more, than my son. The final trimester of the school year, when I was working constantly to implement distance learning while also supporting my own children’s distance learning, almost broke me. Spending every minute of an unstructured summer with my kids has been exceedingly difficult for me. The anxiety and depression I’ve been battling scare me. It has not been an easy time and I have not weathered it as well as I would like.
I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I lack the grit or resilience necessary to see this through. Other families seem able to manage the days without succumbing to what at times feels like crippling anxiety. Maybe I do lack something that others have. I don’t really know and I’ll probably never know. All I DO know is that I will be a much better mom to both my kids (and wife to my husband) if I get some time and space from them. I am acknowledging and accepting my limits and planning accordingly. I know I am exceedingly privileged to have a camp option that works for us financially and logistically. Many families do not have that option and I recognize how fortunate I am to have it myself.
I am a teacher in a district that is going back to the classroom in some capacity next year. Barring another complete shut down and renewed rigid shelter in place order, I WILL be on campus in mid-August with 32 kids in my classroom during the week. If we are still going to school after six weeks I will be seeing 120 kids on a weekly basis. My kids will also be at their school (if they are invited back), which means they will be exposed to at least 24 kids between the two of them every week (at a school that serves primarily low-income Latinx students, whose families are disproportionately affected by the coronavirus). We don’t have much choice in being exposed to others (as so many have had no choice since the start of this). There is definitely a feeling of… if not now, soon when it comes to considering how much more exposure we’re risking by sending our son to this camp now, and then both our kids to different camps in three weeks. We will be taking on a lot of exposure in mid-August, so starting now only accelerates the timeline. Maybe that is an ignorant mindset to embrace, but it’s where I’m at right now.
I will be working. While no one is expecting me to work during the next six weeks, I will be working. I have to do an incredible amount of work this summer if I want the fall to feel less frenetic, chaotic and stressful. As an elective teacher I will absolutely be teaching my Spanish content entirely online. I will probably also be teaching some core classes – most probably 7th or 8th grade math and science. The amount of prep that will create for me is mind boggling, so getting some quality Spanish curriculum ready before the year starts will help me tremendously. (There is a slight chance I will be teaching 5th grade entirely and not teaching Spanish at all, but I’m choosing to forge ahead with the assumption that I’m teaching at least some Spanish next year.)
And yes, I could manage to get work done with my kids home. Families across the United States are doing that right now. But doing that would make me, and my kids, very unhappy. Why makes my life exponentially harder now, when I know it will be incredibly hard in six short weeks, if I don’t have to?
I know judgement of other family’s choices is rampant right now (I’ve fallen into a mindset of righteous indignation on more than one occasion myself), and that many think summer camp is an unnecessary risk that only the families with no other option should be willing to take. We are definitely not one of those families. We have options – more than the vast majority of Americans – and yet I’m still putting my kid (and then kids) in camp. It may not be the right choice for everyone, but we believe it’s the right choice for our family.
{I really hope it is the right choice for my son – he has been with us exclusively for so long, with so much unstructured time, I worry about how he’ll handle the transition away from home and family and into a highly structured environment of a camp-during-coronavirus social distanced activities. I think if he finds one kid to befriend we are good to go, but if not it could be difficult. If he really doesn’t like it, I’ll obviously pull him, but I’m really hoping that is not how it goes down. I will let you all know.}
What is your opinion of summer camps during the coronavirus?
Thanks for this! I’m an academic and am lucky enough not to be teaching for the fall-term but when we found out nursery wouldn’t reopen as planned in mid-July, I found an in home daycare who could take him 1 full, and 2 half days. I felt a lot of guilt upping our exposure like that when we didn’t ‘need’ it but it is a massive relief to be able to work in the (somewhat) quiet.
I’m so glad you were able to find a child care option in your area. I can’t imaging trying to WFH with kids under 5 (having a 6yo is hard enough!)
I hope you don’t feel like you need to justify this to anyone. My son is going to reading tutoring three times a week, and if summer school had been offered in person in our county like in surrounding counties, I’d have sent him in a heartbeat.
I have been following European scientists, medical experts and scholars who aren’t influenced by American politics and they are all saying kids should be in school. That there is little risk – much, much less than the seasonal flu – for kids and the adults that work with them. But it is absolutely crucial for their mental health, for their social emotional needs, academic growth, and of course for those who need the stability and meals every day.
I got off Facebook because I was tired of the polarization – it you think the science doesn’t support lockdowns (a Nobel Prize winner is the one who swayed me toward the belief that they did more harm than good), you’re called a Trump loving right wing conspiracy theorist. Americans have no capacity for free thought anymore. You have to follow the party line or shut the hell up. I hate to see our kids (and everyone else) suffering because we are in an election year and everyone is terrified the other side is going to win/use this whole thing to their advantage. It’s disgusting.
And I know I got kinda off topic, sorry, but not being in FB gives me very little opportunity for expressing my frustration anymore lol.
Wow, sounds like I miss FB even less than I remember! But I feel you on the polarization. I’ve been called Trump-aligned here myself.
Hard pass for me. Cases are surging in CA and in my county. Fortunately our regular camp was cancelled, as were other major ones here. A few part time art type camps are on as are some small church ones. I pay close attention to our data and the second highest category (after agriculture, and not including retired or unknown) for transmission in my county is the education/childcare setting. Too little is known about the disease—young people with no underlying conditions are dying, people who recover are still barely functioning months later, kids getting Kawasaki disease (one of my child’s preschool classmates mysteriously came down with that a few years ago—it was harrowing, she was in the hospital for over a week with a 105 F fever, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone), etc. so even tho my family is healthy with no known conditions, I am being ultra careful. I am 99% leaning towards choosing the all distance learning option this fall. I hope CA or at least my county orders schools not to open. I don’t see how it can possibly be safe even with masks (still open question) and other measures. Our country, state, and county really F’ed this up by not addressing it soon enough/opening up way too damn soon.
I think the AAP did a grave disservice by publishing its article asserting kids need to be in school and that need outweighs the risk. If my kids fall behind they can get back on track. If they die or get permanently disabled, they can’t. I understand equity issues etc. but this is a deadly disease that still too little is known about. I know a lot of teacher groups were alarmed by that article as well.
Good luck, I hope you stay safe. Also you might want to mentally prepare for camp not going forward, the way things are going.
I’m glad that you can choose to keep your kids home and you’re kids will ultimately be okay doing that.
I don’t think you should feel bad at all about sending your son to camp. You write like you feel defensive about it, but you have plenty of good reasons. Your teaching schedule for next year sounds potentially crazy so prepping ahead of time will be so valuable!
We are being very cautious but I still signed my son up for a gymnastics class that starts this week. There is a risk, hopefully a small one, but they are doing lots of precautions and honestly my son needs some “listen to what the teacher says” type of activities or school in any form this fall will be a disaster for him. There are risks, but also rewards. Only within our own families can we really know everything that goes into weighing those risks.
I do feel defensive. I definitely have gotten judgement for my decision from people I know, so putting it out there to people I don’t know is nerve wracking. But if parents who are using camps and child care options don’t share that information people who are on the fence about whether they should try to seek out child care options will feel like they are the only ones. Honestly, I feel like the “should moms stay home with their kids” debate just got a whole lot more polarizing.
I’m with you – if there were camps going on in my area, my kids would 100% be at them. Our local (FREE) childcare center reopened last week and my kids are now there 3 days/week, and it is SO GOOD for them and for me.
Yay for childcare options right now! So glad you are able to take advantage of that.
I’m not sending my kids to in person camp or having in person play dates or social events. And I’m not sure if they’ll be going to school on the fall, even if it’s open.
But I don’t judge anyone who makes a different choice. My kids miss their friends and activities, but the stay-at-home time doesn’t seem to be having a huge negative effect on them. If it were, I would reconsider my options.
Every kid is different. My daughter is doing fine (but she does get to see a few friends – outside only – at least 3x/week). My son is not doing so fine, so we’re making this choice for him.
I think a child’s temperament also affects parents’ choices to seek outside child care right now. My son has a hard time managing his anger (at home, he seems to do fine outside the home) and after four months home with him I’m totally on edge. I cower are every loud noise and every time he raises his voice (and when he’s very excited or happy it’s hard to tell, initially, if he’s upset or a more positive intense emotion). I have to be on high alert, ready to temper my responses to his outbursts at all times. It’s emotionally exhausting. Meanwhile my daughter, who does her fair share of bitching and morning, as any good tween would, does not exhaust me in the same way at all. If I had two of her at home I probably wouldn’t pay the insane money this camp costs.
I am actually super judgmental about people not being socially distant and have gotten into some arguments with friends and siblings about it. That said, your decision makes sense to me. Maybe I have a soft spot for childcare? I’m not doing it because I don’t need the childcare but I get why you are. You also don’t spend time with high risk people, or really anyone, so your decision mostly affects you. Do your daughters’ friends parents mind? That would be my only concern. I am more judgmental I guess about adults doing things for themselves – like going to restaurants or the gym having people over. I also think schools should open but I think reopening will require shutting down restaurants, bars, etc.
Gyms and restaurants aren’t even open here (though I think you can dine in just south of us) and I have not heard of anyone having more than 3-4 people in their backyard (with social distancing). I’m sure it’s happening but I don’t know about it. I’d probably be judge mental about that stuff too!
None of my friends are having people over other than a handful, outside, in masks and at a distance. But some of my friends seem to know people who are having larger gatherings. My neighbor had a party for their five year old. It was outside, but I don’t think the kids were wearing masks and there was a bounce house! I was so angry about this. I find it baffling. Since the Bay Area remains pretty locked down and has always been so, camp doesn’t even seem that dangerous to me. It’s a different story in SoCal where we opened up way too quickly!
OK. I am high risk. I am totally SIP FOR ME.
I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR decision for YOUR family. If you had different children you might make different decisions. You are not judging others, you look at other decisions and you look at all the available information and the probable situation this fall. You are making decisions accordingly. I also believe you follow the requested behaviors and avoid risky behaviors that could expose others.
Unfortunately, we are simply NOT going to have a known date or event when there is zero zip chance of contracting covid and everything returns to normal like in NZ; except no one enters the country without a 14 day isolation period.
SO at some point we all face accommodation and experimentation with the new reality. You are exercising care and putting your toe into that process but you do not have a choice to never take a risk. This is our reality and will continue to be our reality no matter the outcome of elections. BUT, please vote!
We didn’t have to be in this position, also having delayed and undone climate protections actions for 4 years is also going to a reality, we will be paying for both governmental decisions for a very very long time.
I fantasize about having childcare help. I would give up everything else to have daycares open (and also schools, but for many many reasons!). I have a high-needs almost-four-year-old (sounds a lot like your son in terms of social interactions, actually) and having him home 24/7 plus trying to work is mind-blowingly hard and often impossible. Plus, he benefits so much from the school setting- from interacting with friends, to the learning component, and even having discipline enforced by someone besides me.
I also have a newborn at home and am slowly losing my mind. I am going to use daycare when I go back to work in a few weeks for my son (keeping the baby home) and while I feel defensive about it, I also know deep down that I have to do it for my own mental health and ability to function.
We have otherwise been very strictly quarantining- no activities, no stores, no family visits for the baby, etc. I like the concept of a “risk budget” (aka you can do some things, but not all things) and I am Willing to spend mine on childcare.
Wait, did you delete my comment where I agreed with you???
No( you actually made that comment on my last post and I replied to it. Now sure how that happened! I don’t delete comments unless they are derogatory to others. It hadn’t happened yet on my blog.
Oh thank goodness! I was like man maybe I said something really dumb and didn’t even realize?? (Has been know to happen… ha).
Everyone has to make the choice that fits their family. It really sounds like you DO need it for so many reasons – all of you, not just you. Just because it’s not because you’re being forced to go back to face to face work right now doesn’t mean there aren’t many equally valid reasons to need this kind of outlet.
We’re choosing not to use it even though we arguably desperately want and need it because my health is complicated and higher-risk, and my kid is MOSTLY handling it ok for now but of course we still worry about their socialization needs. We’re worried but we make the best of what options we have in front of us. I’m glad for anyone who can choose to use it safely. I feel terrible for people who don’t even have the option or need it but don’t have reasonably safe options.
I’m only judging people who are recklessly flaunting their disregard for the possibility of spreading infections by aggressively getting up close to strangers, shouting and throwing things, etc. You know, the usually not-acceptable behavior for a standard adult.
You’re definitely not the only one who feels like they’re melting into a puddle of anxiety, though, if that helps.
My kids are going to camp this summer. Our babysitter that we had for the month of June was leaving to work the summer camp and as two parents trying to work at home with two kids also there was a disaster. IL is doing okay in terms of COVID spread- much better that we were doing before.
In addition, there is a lot of research that says that kids aren’t doing a lot of the spreading these days. If they do get COVID it is from their parents and kids are mainly getting symptoms like rashes/hives as opposed to coughing/sneezing so they aren’t spreading it like they would with the flu. 140,000 kids were in daycares since March (mostly b/c their parents were essential workers and needed some place to bring their kids) with no outbreaks….