35

Yesterday was my birthday. I’m 35.

I spent the morning packing up my kids for the weekend at my parents. I spent my first hour without them getting a massage (it was heaven). Then I got a birthday present for my husband (his special day is Tuesday) and high tailed it to my house to engage in four hours of intense cleaning. I was barely showered and had not yet applied make-up when our first guests arrived.

Only four people came. I invited ten. A couple never RSVPed. A couple had sent their regrets. A couple canceled last minute. It was fun–my husband made incredible cocktails and the conversation was interesting–but I felt self conscious about how few people were there. I have confused feelings on this, because I specifically invited only closer friends, wanting the affair to be more intimate, but then I was sad when it ended up being very small and intimate. I’m still trying to figure it all out.

Please don’t think I spent the whole night sulking, because I did have a lot of fun. The best part was enjoying my husband with my friends. It was so wonderful to see him through their eyes, to be reminded of what a smart, warm, hilarious individual he is. It’s not that I don’t see that for myself, but there are so many other feelings layered on top of that view of him. It’s nice to look through my friends’ lenses and see what they see. He really is an amazing man.

It’s a good way to start the weekend with him, and I’m glad I had the party for no other reason than that. Remembering what “us” felt like before we bought a house and struggled to have kids and starting worrying about saving for the future–I needed that reminder and I appreciate it very much.

{The friend stuff I’ll have to untangle on a different day.}

But now I have to get ready for brunch. Then it’s walking around the city before an afternoon showing of Trainwreck (at a theater that sells drinks–woot!) and then on to a very swanky new restaurant that is really hard to get into (not sure how my husband did it). Tomorrow is much of the same, but we’re sharing our meals with my sister (my husband’s idea–so sweet) and hopefully some friends.

On Monday we plan on opening our joint accounts before we pick up the kids.

I think it’s going to be a good weekend.

{My budget post might not get up this weekend, but I’ll put it up early next week. I am still engaged in my spending freeze (with the exception of one present for my husband), but am finding the writing down of everything more and more tedious. I know I have to keep doing it–I recognize what a valuable and necessary exercise it is, especially as I embark on a savings budget in the coming months–but I’ve been feeling petulant about this past week so I’m a bit behind. I will catch up and post soon.}

{{And I know I’m also behind on responding to comments. This will probably not happen until early next week too–sorry or the delay!}}

26 Comments

  1. Happy Birthday! The massage sounds great. I know what you mean about wanting your gathering to be small and intimate, but unhappy with how small and intimate it was. You carefully chose the 10 people to invite, and when they couldn’t all come it made you feel like they didn’t value you as much as you did them? At least, that’s how I feel when friends can’t come to things that I’ve invited them to.

    1. It can be hard for me to understand when someone doesn’t come to something of mine, when in the same circumstances I would go to their thing. Showing up is a powerful thing, it means a lot. At least it does for me. But I think for others it must not be as important and I try to remember that.

  2. That sounds like a terrific birthday!!!

    Don’t worry about the friend who didn’t show up. People are just that way. It’s not OK, but it’s seeming more and more normal. Our friends RSVPd yes to our kids joint bday party, then never came, and never let us know. No, “sorry, we spaced it,” no gifts for the kids (I mention this because I never fail to give gifts to their kids even if we can’t come), no apology. I am still baffled by it. But because people do this too often these days, it really hasn’t upset me.

    I love that you saw your husband through your friends eyes. You are right, that it’s so beneficial after years of cohabitation!

    Happy birthday!!!

    1. We just had a similar thing happen for our daughter’s birthday and I think the two so close together is making me feel a little down on “friends showing up” at the moment. But I’m trying to have your attitude. It’s a work in progress.

  3. Happy Birthday!

    Sounds like a great start to a great weekend. Love that you relaxed and had a massage. (I adore massages, and haven’t had one in ages.) I’ve also had a similar experience with a cocktail party. But I’m glad you had a nice time, and that you could step back to appreciate your husband as a wife, not as a co-parent. I’m sure he did the same.

    Can’t wait to hear about the swanky restaurant. I love swanky restaurants!! Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

    1. The massage was amazing. I LOVE being touched and massages are the best way to be touched. It felt so, so good.

      The swanky restaurant was so great. A post will be up Tuesday morning…

  4. Happy birthday!

    I totally would have come to your party if I lived nearby. And, um, if I’d been invited.

    The reconnection you mention — that you experience each other the way you used to before things got so grown up and heavy — has been important to us, too. To find those moments of lightness.

    How was Trainwreck? And what are your husband’s cocktail specialties?

    1. Um, if you lived near by you would be invited. Puhleez!

      Trainwreck was really good. I definitely recommend it.

      My husband’s cocktail specialties are green chartreuse and mezcal. I’ll send you a pict of the menu he made for Friday.

  5. Happy Birthday, young lady. It sounds like you had a pretty awesome birthday weekend. I hope you have a great 35!

    As for the friends; I get it…I internalize why people didn’t show up or why they can’t just pick up the phone & call me. Seriously, in this day and age of technology, there’s no excuse. I’ll get off my soap box.

  6. Happy belated Birthday! Looking forward to more about the weekend. I empathize about the friends-not-showing-up thing, too. On the one hand, yes, people are busy, blah blah. But on the other hand, YES, showing up is important. Showing up is the only thing, really. I don’t go out often, but for a friend’s irthday gathering I definitely go unless it is absolutely impossible. I have to remind myself that people are different, and thus, it is almost impossible to assign intention to others’ actions (or inaction!)

    1. “I have to remind myself that people are different, and thus, it is almost impossible to assign intention to others’ actions (or inaction!)” I’m trying to do this. Over and over and repeat this to myself, but it’s hard. Really, really hard.

      The weekend was amazing. A post will be up forthwith. 😉

  7. Happy Birthday! We had something similar happen at D’s party. Out of 10 kids invited, only 3 came, but the 4 little boys had a GREAT time and honestly, it probably ended up for the best. Even though everyone had valid excuses, I couldn’t help but wonder whether it indicated how they feel about my family. Silly, I know.

    1. “I couldn’t help but wonder whether it indicated how they feel about my family.” <-- This. Exactly.

  8. Happy Belated Bday! That’s happened to me before, the people not showing up who are supposedly my friends. It’s a bummer. Glad you had a good time!

    1. It is a bummer. And I have a hard time understanding. But I guess that’s what being a friend is all about.

  9. I feel like I never have a clue how many ppl will show up when we throw parties. Last Sunday we were thinking just 2 sets of friends (plus their 3 kids) and a couple extras came with their kids and all of a sudden it was 20 people, which was super fun but also stressful to suddenly cook for! I’ve also had the expecting 20 people end and ended up with 6 – if you can look at it from the perspective that things happen and RSVPs change, it’s actually a way less stressful way to hang out with your friends and generally means more quality time talking with the ones who showed up anyway. 🙂 Sounds like a great dinner party!

    1. I don’t think I’ve ever had more people show up at something. Not ever. That would be stressful, but it sounds like you made it work and it was fun! Nice!

      1. Don’t get me wrong – more don’t show up often – but probably more often than you’re used to since I’m in a town of 1,000 people and neighbors are close by and people will literally be walking by our house, see the backyard BBQ, and stop in. It’s just a different world because of location I suppose!

  10. Belated birthday wishes! 🙂 Sorry your friends couldn’t give you the courtesy of a call. :p As someone above said, these days, there really is no excuse, but it does seem like it happens more & more frequently. :p Glad you had a good time regardless!

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