A week

This week was rough. A lot of ups and downs. By Friday I was exhausted.

Thursday was my son’s 7th birthday. We’ve been counting down since early September. 55 days. To say I was grateful to get it over with would be an understatement.

Wednesday I went to Target to get some last minute things. I also picked up McDonald’s for the kids on the way home. That night I got a text from a friend with the link to a GoFundMe she saw on Facebook. A very good friend from high school’s husband died. She has two young sons and her husband stayed at home with them. I was shocked to learn of her loss. It was hard to concentrate Wednesday night, but I had to score work, create more work, wrap presents, and decorate my son’s room after he fell asleep. I also cried quite a bit.

Sunday morning my son was up at 6am. He was thrilled with all the decorations and the few early birthday presents that were already in his room. I made him come back to bed with me, where he fell quickly back to sleep and I lay next to him in his bottom bunk, listening to six songs from the Captain Underpants soundtrack on repeat. This is where I learned that my friend’s husband committed suicide.

I’ve been to eight funerals in my life and four have been for people who died by suicide. I wish this country cared about mental health; that they screened for mental illness and provided mental health services for those who need them. Losing someone to suicide is so devastating.

Thursday was hard. I had a lot of classes to teach. My son was eager (understatement) for his party with my parents at 4pm. I was thinking a lot about my friend, who I called and left a voicemail for. It was hard to get through the day.

My parents came at 4pm with the party. I had decorated the backyard but they brought everything else – early dinner, cake and ice cream. I was very grateful for my parents help.

The party was a low key affair. My son opened his presents and we ate food. My son blew out candles and we enjoyed cake. By 5:30 my parents were loading their stuff back into their car. Thursday night my kids played some of their new video games with their dad while I went downstairs to rest for a while.

Friday things were more back to normal. My son had class and all the work from the day before he had to make up. I taught some classes and attended a PTA meeting. I completed some training modules I have to do by Nov 1st. I took my son to the dojo and got our backyard ready, again, for a dual birthday celebration with my son’s friend’s family. They came over at 4:30 with In-n-Out and we celebrated both boys (his friends’ birthday is one week after his). It was nice to spend time with them (they have taken our son for outdoor play dates a lot these past two months and we are very grateful for that) but I was so, so tired by Friday afternoon. I was very happy when I finally got to pour myself a drink Friday night.

Saturday was low key and I was grateful for that. We stayed home playing video games and reading. We didn’t see anyone or really do anything. It’s what we all needed. I got some work done and realized that by the evening I actually felt relatively caught up. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.

Sunday I cleaned up around the house. It’s a shit show and causing my stress and anxiety. I’ve realized messes in some spaces, like cat hair and shoes all over the stairs, or LEGOS in the living room where I work, cause more stress than other messes, so I tackled those. I took the kids to the Great Highway to run while they rode their bikes. It was a beautiful day and it was nice to get outside. We declined an invitation to see a movie with friends that evening. Even with only 20 people I knew in the theater, the idea of being inside with people for that long weirded me out. I wasn’t really in the mood to socialize either. Instead we stayed home and watched a movie and went to bed early.

I’m glad last week is over. We only have three more weeks left of the first trimester and I have to be back in my classroom teaching by Nov 13. Right now I just want the election to be over. Everything else pales in comparison to that.