I’m having a hard time right now. I don’t read many posts about people struggling with this anymore. Some peoples lives are almost back to normal – kids are in school, childcare is available again, life is resembling the before times. But for us that is not the case. Even though San Francisco is the densest urban area in California to reach the yellow tier (the second lowest level of restrictions), our kids’ school district has no plans to return ANYONE to classroom before 2021 and even then it will only be urgent learners (and they don’t actually have a plan to bring them back). Meanwhile I have to go back to my empty classroom to teach (still online) in a couple weeks.
I am so tired of this. It’s been eight months and nothing changes. Things just get harder, if anything. It’s hard to keep going when there is no end in sight.
And yes I know how good I have it. I have a draft about all the good in my life right now. And yes I know I can cut corners, I have another draft about all the expectations I am allowing to fall by the wayside (a draft I started in early September!) But it’s still really hard.
I wonder if I’ll feel better after the election is over. No matter the outcome, at least the uncertainty will be less overwhelming (and yes, I also know the uncertainty is unlikely to dissipate for weeks or even months after Nov 3 – I’m talking about once it’s all said and done, whenever that may be). But maybe not. I really don’t know.
All I do know is I’m struggling. And I wanted to put it out there so that the other people who are struggling, and maybe aren’t hearing that anyone else is, can know that they are not the only ones. I’m feeling worse than I have in a long, long time. If you are too, you are not alone.
Right there with you. All (literally, all) of my friends’ kids are back in school. Mine are both home while I try to work full-time at a job that’s more demanding than ever (my boss left the end of August so I’m doing much of his work while also trying to train his replacement). Work will not be better until at least mid-January, I am working until midnight every night, and I am exhausted. Worry about what happens following the election, worry about the pandemic, constant worry about my kids and the decisions I’m making for them – it all feels untenable. Working hard to keep depression and anxiety at bay but it is a constant struggle…
This is hard. You have been doing everything right and waiting patiently and things are just getting harder. This may be crazy but can you switch your kids into your district in January? Or no because then they couldn’t switch back to their school?
My childcare situation is . . . fine for now but I get really angry and disheartened when I see contacts on social media socializing, traveling, etc like it’s normal times. Clearly they aren’t thinking twice about their actions as they are posing maskless photos on FB with multiple people outside their households. I don’t understand why some people can’t play by the rules.
I live about 2 hours away from you, in the foothills. Our tiny town had kids go back to school a couple of weeks ago. Surrounding districts are still doing hybrid. But, I’m right there with you on how discouraging it is to watch people acting as if everything is normal. I’m used to working from home, and typically thrive on it. But, I’m also accustomed to scheduling seeing people. Making sure I have a social outlet and time away from the computer. My husband is high risk and sees even an outdoor, socially distanced activity as my trying to kill him. He, is not a social person and is probably delighted that he has the perfect excuse to do absolutely nothing social. It’s slowly killing me. I am not, and never have been someone who enjoys the phone. I will literally choose something different for dinner if I can order it online rather than calling for pizza, that’s how deep my hatred of the phone runs, so I’m feeling really isolated and sad. Add my fears over the election and the whole ABC fiasco and I’m struggling, even though I know I can (And should) find some good. It’s so hard right now.
THANK YOU for posting and holding my hands. My stress levels are so high also.
You are not alone. So terrorized … and the person who bangs on my house between midnight and 5am when we are on out-of-control FIRE alert is pure frosting on the cake. My hands now shake like a hummingbird’s wings all the time.
Your saying hi is so lovely. THANK YOU.
Every week I write about our daily lives in some way and every day of every week is a struggle.
School won’t be back in person for even the most vulnerable learners until next year even if we wanted to send JB back. We’re not comfortable with whatever version of childcare is being put together, and we’re not sure whether PiC’s work will be making him go back in early 2021 at all. It’s all entirely up in the air and I hate all the uncertainty everywhere.
You are definitely not alone. I am working full-time at a very high demanding, outside of the home, some travel job while caring for an infant, homeschooling 2 school age children and a preschooler. I am working it seems around the clock and failing it all. My children wont be going back to school until at least January if even then. My bank accounts were never prepared to have to pay daycare/babysitting for 4 children full-time, my house is a disaster zone and I started having weekly if not more frequently panic attacks. I am pretty sure no one I know is doing well. One foot in front of the other is all we can do at this very moment.
And I literally just found out my daycare provider is moving away so now what do I do. I work in research and the push to get these vaccines to market has been slowly killing all of us. I don’t want my kids to go somewhere they may be exposed especially with two that are higher risk due to asthma and auto immune disease. Ugh, no one is winning, I can guarantee that!
Thank you for posting. I am struggling so hard I haven’t even been able to open up a post and try to describe it. I hope things get easier for you, I really really do.