We have been really lucky since shelter-in-place started that the majority of our social circle was similarly concerned about exposure to the coronavirus. We were all taking the same precautions, so we were able to find ways to see each other while following social distancing protocols. We have always been meeting outside with masks on. On the few occasions we’ve eaten together we’ve stayed more than six feet from each other.
It seems our luck on that has run out. Now that it’s colder, and some days even rainy (gasp!) covid fatigue is setting in and people are finding ways to justify meeting inside with masks on. Or close enough to it.
Today a friend invited us over to watch a movie in their garage. We’ve done that a few times before, with the kids sitting apart from each other on the floor of the garage and the adults sitting in camping chairs apart from each other in the driveway. We were projecting the movie onto the wall so it needed to be dark – which meant we had to start them pretty late. But we made it work. We’ve done two movie nights like that, so I didn’t think much of it.
But when we got there today the garage door was closed (because it was too light to see the projection with the door open) and the girls were sitting together on a couch, masks down so they could munch on snacks. I immediately knew it wasn’t going to work.
It sucks to be the family that is taking more precautions than others. It’s hard to be the aguafiestas (wet blanket). My daughter is already left out of a lot of her friends’ hang out time because we aren’t letting her make YouTube channel videos with them. Luckily they are making videos of themselves playing Roblox and our daughter isn’t that into Roblox, so she’s not too upset that she can’t participate. And we’re letting her play around with making videos of herself playing Minecraft and she’s fine not posting them anywhere. We’ve always put way more limits and restrictions on our kids internet use and screen time than her friends have, so she is used to it, but it still makes her sad. And today made her sad too.
Luckily my kids were okay leaving the movie party once I realized the situation did not meet our social distancing expectations. Both our kids got new games today so they were okay going home to have game screen time. We’re going to watch that movie tomorrow during movie night.
We’ve had to have some difficult conversations with my parents as well. At this point I don’t know if they will be watching our son once a week because we told them we weren’t comfortable with him being over there without a mask if they were having people over to eat inside (we just learned they started doing this while their patio is being repaved), and they haven’t responded to let us know they’re okay with that arrangement. We are having Thanksgiving with them, but they’ve promised no more indoor hosting between now and then.
I’m tired, and we still have so far to go before any of this gets easier. Today’s episode really bummed me out, and I’m already in a pretty low place.
Meanwhile I start working from my classroom full time on Monday.
I guess I thought at some point things would start getting easier. But instead they just keep getting harder. It’s going to be a long, bummer, winter.
{The conversation I had with my friends about the YouTube channel was also a big bummer. I think it’s great the girls are collaborating to reach a common goal and create something they are proud of, but I don’t understand why they have to put it on YouTube. When I asked if the girl who owns the channel had lied to say she was 13 to create the account, her mom didn’t even know she had do that. They thought she could have the channel with parental supervision at 10, but that is what you can start doing at 13. Already a girl they knew in 2nd grade (who caused tons of drama back then) is trolling their channel from North Carolina, where she now lives. I can’t fathom what value posting on YouTube brings, or how that value makes up for the potential downsides. I knew our social media boundaries were going to start becoming more apparent during adolescence, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon.}
{Another thing that’s hard about this is usually I talk this stuff out with my friends to feel better, but I can’t talk to them about this stuff in a way that will ease my anxiety. There is no one to talk to about it all except my husband, but he is so judgemental that it doesn’t really make me feel better. All this makes me feel so isolated and alone.}
Just a note of commiseration on pandemic boundaries starting to shift as the weather changes. We ‘bubbled’ with a family who are in our neighborhood and good friends from March – mid September when my daughter went back to school in person (private) – their kids are all in public and are all virtual. We did quarantine when people traveled during the summer and were very transparent about other risks/exposures. We were planning on bubbling again over the holidays since my daughter won’t be in school for a long period and then probably (as numbers rise) will be virtual again. Except – her younger brother (25) has decided that he’s flying to visit friends every weekend now that the pandemic is not done and he’s tired of social distancing norms – and joins this family for dinner at least once a week. In the summer, everyone was outside – now they aren’t and they continue to invite brother to join them. I’m sad for my daughter and sad for me.
Good for you for sticking with your decisions. I agree with them wholeheartedly. I’m baffled as to why people are seeing one another indoors without masks. Why can’t your parents not have friends over for dinner for a few weeks? Why can’t your friends tell their kids to put a mask on? Why can’t the governor turn down a dinner with 12 people? A group of kids at my sons’ school have been having indoor play dates and a bunch of the families got covid, including some who had younger siblings going to in person school. Why are these families doing that?!?! It’s basically never to cold to be outside here. And these weren’t play dates for childcare. I am truly struggling to understand why people are ignoring public health rules, especially people who don’t live alone. I’m equally enraged and confused.
Ok, I had to comment! You are not alone on both accounts!! Same here, our social distancing rules are stronger then others and it is so hard to stay so strong. As for the internet and such, are you living in my house? Here it’s tick tock and I have ruined my ten year olds life by not allowing it. We discuss this weekly and every time I say nope not how we role, I don’t think safe, and you are not 13. But it gets exhausting.
Ugh what a pain. I wondered when the fissures would start to appear. We only see two couples once every few weeks, one or the other, masked and outdoors still, and we all still take it very seriously but JB hasn’t had any kind of in person playdate at all, indoors or outdoors, with anyone their age. They’ve been both sad about it but also very resilient about the restrictions in the face of our firmness.
But this definitely echoes how we’re going to be with social media boundaries. Like you, I don’t think kids should be posting anything on YouTube (or at the very least, without very strong adult supervision and even then I think it’s a bad idea) because there are so many ways for that to become toxic. There’s being a helicopter parent and there’s knowing that the internet is a wild and wooly place if you aren’t aware of how many ways that even adults can be vulnerable to abusive behaviors online and how strictly you need to draw boundaries and privacy protections.
Support.
Have two ‘only child’ grands. Both doing some school in person now. One high school, one elementary. Peers have different family attitudes about masks and risks to other people. It is hard. All of us are clear about potential consequences. It is a real concern. We do mask, we do distance, we do see the children being isolated and it is not fun. But life long damage or death of any of us would be even worse. I agree with you re the grandparents who are not masking etc with their friends.
The numbers in this region are very very clear. More people are getting sick and some will die as a result. I do not want a grand or child to hear I died and wonder if they caused…. And, I could not stand being the cause of the death/disability of one of their parents or them. It is an all too real possibility.
You are correct to keep your children, as much as you can, off camera on social media sites. People claim to not know the rules but they actually decide to not look and are making choices to let their children be at risk of exploitation. The pursuit of ‘popularity’ and a failure to understand how identifiable children and teens can be by picture, places, etc and the risk of abuse/exploitation that presents … too clear.
You are NOT ALONE on staying safe from virus and/or media. People who live and work in the on-line world know and most try to keep their children away from it BECAUSE THEY DO KNOW. Like the man who made lunchables and categorically refused to allow his children or grands to eat them.
Holding hands we can do this. Thank you for the support and honesty. It is all tough and nasty and scary hard.
My thoughts and caring will be with you and your family as you go to being on campus in person with the problems and exposures this, unnecessarily, creates.
Oh geez. I am 100% with you on the COVID and the YouTube. none of that is OK right now. It sucks, I’m so sorry.