My sister-in-law had her baby this morning. The friend I had to sever ties with did too (our mutual friend let me know). My best friend is being induced tomorrow. Another friend is due next week.
Lots of babies. So very many babies.
I wonder if babies will ever stop conjuring such complicated emotions in me. First and foremost, I am always SO RELIEVED that they have arrived safely. A tangible weight is lifted from my heart every time.
I am also very excited to be a honest-to-god aunt. My sister will not be having kids (her choice) so my SIL’s kid(s) will be my only real niece(s) and nephew(s). Of course I consider my cousins’ kids like nieces and nephews, but there is something special about the real thing. I’m really excited, and feel very grateful, that I get to play the role of aunt to someone.
But there are other feelings too. More complicated and confusing feelings. And this is coming from someone who got the amount of kids she ultimately wanted, and is happy to be past the baby and toddler phase. That’s why I’m always so surprised by how weirdly I react to new babies in my life. Blerg.
Am I the only one who has complicated feelings about new babies? If you have any insights for me, I’m all ears…
I do. I’m close (hopefully) to having the number of kids I want. I don’t think I’m jealous or confused due to infertility, which isn’t an issue in this pregnancy anyway. I think it’s more that I’m jealous that other people want more kids — that they aren’t overwhelmed by what they already have, that they have a strong marriage and coparenting arrangement such that they can handle a third kid, they don’t resent their kids, they either aren’t sleep deprived or don’t mind it, etc. If I’m being completely honest, it’s probably mostly about marriage. Although I’m sure a lot of people with three kids do have crappy marriages. But I guess my first thought when I hear about someone having a third kid or having a second kid right after their first is that they must be a happier family.
I feel sort of like you do – why do they want/how can they handle more than I want to handle? I don’t think it’s because they have better marriages at all, but I do think they have much better coping skills and more patience than I have.
My sister and her husband had a baby every time their marriage got tough. There are 5 kids (1 from prior marriage, so 4 are my sister’s). We truly wonder what they’ll do now that she has no uterus and can’t get pregnant any longer when times get tough. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true.
I am so done with babies, and I only have 2 kids. I thought I’d have 3, but we are so happy with 2! But yeah, why is everyone having 3-4 kids these days? I think there’s something wrong with me! 😂
I am always happy when a baby arrives safely. I know the other outcome can exist. I have grandchildren. I am waaay past birthing more babies. I quit of my own choice due to the realities I lived with during those years; wrong partner, losses, money issues, single parenting, etc. But I would have loved to have lived in a time, place, circumstance, where I could have comfortably had lots of babies. I did do foster care for infants when I retired, I have supported new mothers, and adore being there for my grands. I understand. You are normal.
It has sounded like high risk pregnancy for your sister-in-law. Glad everyone is safely alive and not injured/damaged. Hope you can meet and hold the baby soon!
Yeah…I had ppd after both, 1st was a terrible sleeper, I had awful morning sickness, I’m old, I can’t imagine how we could manage 3 both working full time….but sometimes when I see a baby, I still get a yearning…
Ahhh. Babies, after a huge infertility battle as well as high daycare expenses now babies and pregnancy announcements are always a trigger for me. I want more, at least one, preferably two and the thought that may never come to fruition breaks my heart into millions of pieces every single time. It never lessens or gets easier for me. I love and adore my children and am so very grateful for them. But my heart doesn’t not feel complete. Will I have to feel this way for the rest of my life? I certainly hope not, but how do you change it, by having babies? Or coming to terms with the realization that it may never happen again!
Silent lurker here but long time reader. I understand your feelings, and I share them. For me, infertility took away my ability to enjoy any of the moments leading up to having my kids in my arms after birth. And then once they arrived and were healthy and happy, I think the whirlwind of the years before trying so hard came crashing down on me such that I don’t feel like I “let go” and really enjoyed those first days and years, really, of motherhood the way I’m enjoying them now. So a part of me feels like I missed out on some really great stuff. When I see pregnant women, hear of friends that are expecting or have just had babies, I have a yearning to be back in that moment with my current frame of mind and enjoyment of being a mom. I think most people likely feel this way (fertility issues or not) as its all such a whirlwind but for me, I believe that time was very different than it would have been had I been able to conceive without issues and, you know, just go ahead and start having babies. Maybe none of this is making sense … but it’s a long way of saying “I get where you’re comin’ from”.
Congratulations on aunt-hood!
I very much wanted/want three kids but it probably will not happen (I’ll be 40 this year, and we have fertility issues). However, I’ve noticed that I’m not jealous of others having babies anymore. Back when I feared I’d never have a second child (we only had secondary infertility, our first child came easily) I felt very sad and jealous when hearing pregnancy news, but not anymore. I guess I’m genuinely in a situation where I’m perfectly happy with my current two, but would also be equally happy with three, if it would happen. I do hope we would still get pregnant (my husband wants a third very much, probably more than me), but I also see very clearly the positive sides of not getting pregnant anymore and I’m happy to let nature decide.
I had twins that were born prematurely and who, sadly, didn’t survive. So I’m always totally triggered when I hear that someone else has a baby.
I do have 3 happy healthy kids — it’s the 2 that I don’t have that carve a hole in my heart.
I’m so sorry. That is really tough. No one should have to miss their children. 😢