I’ve been dealing with some stuff on the friendship front that I’ve really wanted to work through here but I feel that I can’t. I don’t think my friends are reading this blog–they promised not to–but I could never be sure. And I would never want to put up anything that might hurt them.
The frustrating thing is that all this shit is about me, 100%. I know it’s about me, and has nothing to do with my friends or even our friendships, but if I’m going to write about it the circumstances have to be mentioned and in the mentioning of them implications will be made. Or my friends will see implications, even if none were intended.
We, as human beings, can’t hear about something that involves us in some way and not feel guilt or perceive blame. At least not most of the human beings I know.
At least not me.
Basically, I know I’d probably take it personally, even if deep inside I knew it wasn’t actually about me, and I can’t possibly expect my friends to handle something better than I expect I would handle it myself.
And I want to write this blog with the assumption that people I know may some day find it. Because they might. Maybe they already have.
The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, especially the people I care about.
Ugh. It’s just hard. Because I know you guys could, and would, help me through it and it sucks to have to keep it inside, trying desperately not to let it fester. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of letting it go, but I also don’t think I’m learning anything that will help me manage these emotions better then next time they pop up.
And there will be a next time. Of that I can be sure.
Is there stuff you don’t feel comfortable talking about on your blog? Does it frustrate you? Is there somewhere else you can process those things?