Conference
The conference in Palm Springs was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the time with my colleagues, many of whom I didn’t know well before the trip (we teach on different campuses). I only got two hours of sleep on Wednesday night so Thursday was a struggle. I still enjoyed dinner out with everyone and a couple episodes of RHoSLC S4 (in which they travel to Palm Springs!) before I passed out pretty early. Friday evening I had dinner with a friend who left the Bay Area to teach in Palm Springs over ten years ago. I couldn’t believe it had been that long! Saturday we heard the closing remarks and attended two final sessions before heading back home. The 105 degree heat was very oppressive, and it sucked to show up at 9am with my back soaked in sweat each day, but all in all it was a positive experience and I’m glad I went. I’ve already tried a few things I learned at the conference in my classes!
Fun things (recent and upcoming)
Last Sunday we went down to my parents’ house to celebrate Easter early, because my parents are going to be in St. Louis over the actual weekend. My kids may be 12 and 15 but they still love looking for eggs! That afternoon we went to an outdoor Lucha Libre event at the Chase Center. It ended up being a really good time. Our family really loves Lucha Libre and this event was a lot of fun. We weren’t sure we could make it and get decent seats with our Easter celebration that morning, but it ended up being totally worth it.
My kids have spring break starting tomorrow and through next week. I wanted to take off Tuesday, but couldn’t get a sub, so now I’m taking off Monday, which is more annoying for me as far as planning goes. The positives of being of Monday are that I can take my parents to the airport and my daughter to her physical (which she needs to keep competing on her school swim team). I’m not sure what else we’ll do that day, but I’m determined to get them out of the house to do something fun.
My own spring break is the week after, and right now I have nothing but appointments planned. I may spend a night at my parents’ house alone, so I can at least get a 24 hour break. I’m really bummed our LA trip was cancelled and that we didn’t manage to make any other plans. The husband is now going to Nashville for a conference the second weekend (since our trip was cancelled), so at least he gets to do something he wants…
Work
Work was rough this week after being gone Thursday and Friday last week. I ended up with a sub I don’t love on Thursday, and she texted me all day Thursday about how “disrespectful” my students were, but still managed to leave me three pages of handwritten notes as well. I left my phone number so she could let me know if anything wasn’t posting on google classroom right, or she couldn’t get into the computer I left with the agenda slides, and while I was able to put out a few fires, it really sucked to spend all of Thursday at the conference, but having to engage with my sub. I really think it’s hard for non-teachers to understand what a PITA it is for teachers to be away from their classrooms. It absolutely sucks.
Also, the spring crunch has begun. The 7/8 classes are inventing original stories and then filming video skits of those stories. It’s a lot of work on my end, and the filming days are stressful (and fall on my already horrible Thursdays!) I’m starting to feel the pressure with yearbook. I’m not panicking or anything, but I’m definitely very aware of how many weeks are left until mid-May. There are a couple more parent volunteers that are eager to help and I am gratefully offloading work to them. I know it will all be fine, but I wish I had made some different decisions in February, that’s for sure.
Marriage
The husband and I have been butting heads lately about work load around the house and I’m feeling really over it. I think I do more than he does, and feel especially frustrated when he is stressed and I take on his work to provide him more margins, but then I am shown no such consideration when I am totally overwhelmed. When he’s out of town he returns to a blank slate, chore-wise, but when I come back I have all the laundry still to do, the floors to vacuum, and the sheets to change.
He suggested he should over the stuff I do in the mornings, but then was almost catatonic both evenings after he did so. I just feel like there is no way for him to do more without paying some kind of price and I need to just keep offloading chores to the kids instead of him. I absolutely participated in the creation of the systems I now wish I could change, and I don’t totally blame my husband. I also truly believe that he needs more sleep to function, and that has less capacity to things done during the work week (due to both his schedule and his energy levels). We both feel like much of what we do isn’t recognized or acknowledged.
The final complication is our attitude toward time spent with the kids. I prefer to do my own thing in the evenings and then spend a shorter, more focused amount of time with each kid (or both together), which he feels like just being upstairs and around while they are doing different stuff is important and that it counts toward his “on time.” This might be the biggest issue honestly, and I don’t know how to reconcile our views.
Knee
I requested physical therapy and was able to get in super fast when someone cancelled. I went on Tuesday and he wants me to focus on stretching for the first two weeks. I see him again during my break and then we’ll start working on strength, though he doesn’t feel any weakness on that side. I also made an appointment for acupuncture during my spring break. I really hope all this will help me finally see some improvement. I am so over me knee not getting better.
I subbed for a few years and I would have been SO hesitant to text a teacher even if she gave me her number. That sounds frustrating.
Even though I’m having a delightful school year with the sweet families I babysit for, I’m ready for summer break.
I’m sorry you’re butting heads lately with your husband. That’s never easy. I’m in a different boat because I’m always home – before I had my daycare I worked outside the home part time for a few years, but when the kids were young I was a stay at home mom. That influenced the balance of how much we both did and it took a LONG time for him to start doing more around the house. Honestly whether I was raising our 6 (at the time) kids or caring for other kids- I WAS BUSY and he would sometimes say ‘I worked today’- eek. Not good. I don’t know how things shifted – maybe adopting the girls? (Not necessarily recommending That!) It took a stupid long time, but he sorts laundry, loads the dishwasher, cleans up after dinner all the time. Thank goodness.
As far as time with kids, can you get out a family game and invite him? Or just have so much fun that he wants to join in? Not sure what your usual family time looks like. Go for a family bike ride? If you and the kids are doing something fun, will he decide to join in- to not miss out? Or would it help to call a Let’s do these chores now – followed by walking to get ice cream? I apologize if I’m over simplifying this. I’m guessing your kids have homework and activities so you are not all available at the same time, etc.
Good luck. XO
I was thinking “I bet you have come to the crazy time of year when posting, given your work life, is just too time intensive to happen” and so it was a glorious surprise and delight to be wrong.
Glad you are now getting PT and hope it helps. I have been surprised by what a difference some simple changes do with my joints and hope you win also.
Marriage is tough. I find living with me is hard and expect another person would find it even harder. You do recognize the style/life pattern/needs differences and are always acknowledging it. I think parenting is harder now than it used to be, it was never easy. Partly because the whole rest of the world stuff is so stressful and also social media, competition for post-high school life, etc.
Am glad the conference went well and you walked away with ideas you could use so fast. Your sub sounds like she must have felt quite inadequate. Another pressure on you. This is the time of yearbook chaos and demands; you managed last year and you will again this year. (HOW you do it is beyond me, but I know you do make it happen.) Hope you get to have some quiet peaceful you time, and maybe a private lunch with your husband, so you feel rested before going back to the year-end battle. Delighted your parents get to have 2 Easters this year.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING!!!!!
Well, I’ll say this. At least you have a good idea of WHY you and your husband are butting heads, and you’re able to see things from both points of view. I know what you’re feeling (partially, at least) about the division of chores. If my husband takes on some of the housework, it’s really hard for him. It takes him a long time and he gets really stressed out, plus he’s already stressed from his day at work. For a while I was doing much more than him and feeling really resentful. Now he does more, but often is finishing things late at night when he’s really tired (well- you should have done the dished after dinner instead of scrolling on your phone!) I don’t know what the answer is.
I hope you get some time to relax on your spring break!!!
Sunday night: Hope this week goes well for the kids out of school. Glad they are of an age to be more independent. And that the forecast of rain brings snow to the mountains. Good wishes to all.