I know I’ve been writing some positive posts lately… and there have been some great things happening to be sure. But the truth is, I’m kind of struggling right now.
My daughter is going through a hard bit. She’s been in a shitty mood for about a month. She is constant negativity. The first sound out of her mouth in the morning is a bark or whine, and the last thing she says before she goes to bed is a complaint. Everything in between is more of the same.
It’s exhausting. And it’s starting to really get me down.
I wish I knew why she gets like this. I wish I knew how to make it better. She is such a sensitive kid. She clearly struggles. But she’s almost seven years old and still has daily meltdowns that put my three-year-old to shame. My patience wears so thin.
She’s been getting these red streaks on her cheeks, under her eyes. It’s probably a reaction to something, but it’s hard to get an accurate account of what she’s eaten at school and aftercare. I pack her enough lunch and snacks that she doesn’t need to eat food from either place, but she does if they offer something she likes.
It hurts my heart to think she’s having a hard time because she’s reacting to something she is eating… We all know how my husband feels about exploring that possibility.
I have thought about emailing her pediatrician, but previous discussions on this topic suggest he won’t be of much help. “It could be anything…”
It’s just… hard for me. At this point I cringe at the thought of picking her up at the end of the day. I know that once I get her I’m just going to be berated until she goes to bed.
I have not been feeling great myself. I’m always tired. Exhausted really. I wonder if my allergies are acting up as well. The pollen count is definitely going up, as the rains stop and the sun comes out. I’ve been weekly allergy shorts for six month now, so my symptoms are more subtle, but I am still affected. I should start taking antihistamines again. Of course those make me drowsy…
I know part of it is this school year. There is only one trimester left. I can do it. I can get through. 14 weeks. I can do anything for 14 weeks. I keep telling myself that.
And of course there is always the political climate, which does so much to wear us all down. It’s not panic so much anymore as a constant, throbbing despair.
Right now I am looking to the summer. The summer is my salvation. The summer is my everything. I just gotta get there.