So I’m here, yet again, examining why I read what I read and why I write what I write.
I find myself burning ever increasing amounts of valuable time reading online, while the value added seems to decrease. It’s definitely time for a change in my reading habits.
As I think about what I’m reading, which posts and articles seem to positively affect me or make me think, I wonder yet again why I continue writing. I don’t know if my story has value. Sure, it may be a decent distraction for someone, who like me, opens their reader to escape from their day. But does it actually add value? I don’t have any wisdom to impart. I don’t even have anything new to say most days. Does showing up here, over and over again to say pretty much the exact same thing, really accomplish anything?
I started to write for me, to process a challenging time in my life. But the challenge times are over. At least the acutely challenging times are. Now the struggles are broader, more subtle, and there are no real solutions. At least none that I’ve been able to identify and embrace.
Later I wrote to be a part of a community, but that community has moved on. And in my refusal to participate in social media, I’ve allowed it to move on without me.
So where does that leave me? Here writing a blog that fewer and fewer people read (thank you to everyone who still does!), unsure of what to even write. Every day I come here with the hopes of writing something of actual meaning and instead I draft bullet points of my days. I don’t really add anything to conversation. I’m not sure what the conversation is anymore.
Actually, I can identify a lot of conversations, but I’m not participating in them. At least not here (not really anywhere: actually, I’m even worse at commenting than I am at blogging). Perhaps that is what bothers me about all this, that I recognize when value is added, and I recognize that I’m not doing that, at least not most of the time.
In August I will have been writing online for 9 years. That is a long time. I wonder constantly what my future in this space will be. I want to keep writing, but I also want to be writing for a reason. I want to put something of value into the world. I just need to keep thinking of what that might be.
Until I figure it out, I’ll just write about this crazy trip to Colombia. That should be, at the very least, something to distract people from their days.
Looking forward to reading about your Colombia trip……..please keep writing. We would miss you!
I’m excited to read about your trip! And I always enjoy reading your posts. 😁
You add value to the world in your writing. You connect us and our experiences to a broader world, reminding us all of our humanity, our commonalities, and the amazing progress we make across time that otherwise we fail to recognize. 5 years ago you were not imagining the reality of changing your spending, talking to your husband about the problems you face with spending, riding a bike with both children all over San Francisco, actually really taking your children to Latin America, having done an intensive Spanish course abroad in a summer, having your home is shape to put on AirBnB, having dealt with so many of your daughter’s problems impacting her socially and with school, the whole PTA thing, etc. You see tiny time segments but the bigger picture is one of constant forward movement, fractions of centimeters some times and huge leaps other times. Just like the rest of us do; you are such a presence of both faith and a reminder of how progress really happens. I do not find you mundane at all, I find you encouraging, fresh air, hope, reality, grounding, and many other things. Besides I would totally miss not only you but all the others who comment regularly here. You are important in this community!
PS: You are the only way I went to ‘the farm’ this summer and you are my only trip to Columbia in my entire life. HAve a fabulous trip for all of us. Share the downs and the ups, the ‘wish I hads’ as well as the wonderful laughter and successes…. the reality of life!
I would not have been able to write this sentiment as well as this person did, but I agree with it fully.
I look forward to reading about Columbia with children!
I understand a lot of what you’re saying here. I started my blog when we first started our “infertility journey,” and it was a great source of support and a place to vent while I was TTC and pregnant. Once my sons were born, it started to feel like one more thing I didn’t really have time to keep up with. Plus although I had thoughts and feelings to share, they didn’t really fall under the rubric of “infertility blogger” anymore, and most of my fellow bloggers also quit writing.
Since you’re not on social media, I’m definitely grateful that you still blog and I still get to follow along with your life. I miss blogging myself, but I can’t seem to make the time to get back at it either. 🙁