My desire to buy things is crazy these days. I want to buy all the things. I don’t need any of the things, but I want to buy them. A few of them cost a lot. I want those things the most.
I tell myself no. I shut down the page in my browser. But I can’t stop thinking about the things. I go re-open the page. Look at the stuff. Lust after the stuff. I give myself a thousand reasons I don’t need to buy the stuff. I agree with those reasons. I shut down the page. Then I think about the reasons why I could buy the stuff. Then I reopen the page. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
The obsession is real. I try so hard to stop thinking about these things but it’s like my brain is on some endless loop. Like my brain is a dvd menu that plays a minute and 15 seconds of music before stopping with a brief skip and then starting again.
I try to distract myself, to think about other things. But if I don’t give into the compulsion it is so hard to move on. SO HARD. It takes me maybe a week to get over something that I’m thinking about obsessively. And even then, the desire is still there, it’s just not all encompassing. If I start thinking about it again for even five minutes, I can reignite the full force of the obsession.
I’m trying to shift my energy and attention elsewhere. I read a book. Or play solitaire. Or clean out a cluttered space. I open a folder of photos to mark the ones I’ll use in this year’s calendar. I stand in front of my armoire (oh what I’d do for a real honest-to-gawd closet) and touch every piece of clothing to remind myself that I don’t need more. I organize my books to remind myself that I have plenty to read. I organize my jewelry to remind myself how many necklaces I never wear. I organize my shoes to remind myself that I could go over a week without wearing the same pair. I do all the things I’m supposed to do, but the wanting doesn’t go away.
I try to think about what hole inside me my subconscious is trying to fill. Do I want a piece of jewelry to mark my 5/10/13 anniversary because I feel like something is missing in my marriage? Do I want new shoes to feel more professional at work? Am I just in a funk and want the shine of new stuff to distract me for a moment? I try to puzzle out the compulsions but I never land on a realization that makes them dissipate.
I try to remind myself of my long term goals, the ones that require a significant sum in my savings. But they all feel so far away, and so impossible to achieve, that it doesn’t help.
This doesn’t seem normal. I don’t think most people deal with this kind of lust for new stuff. I don’t know. I can’t figure it out and it’s driving me crazy. I just want to stop wanting stuff. How can I make myself move on when my thoughts seem wound in an endless loop?
I am 38-years-old, but I feel like a petulant child when it comes to stuff. I just want to get over it, but I honestly don’t know how. We have a big car payment that requires we have money in the bank each month. I can’t be getting this stuff. Why isn’t that enough to shut me down?
I have shopping urges, but only/mostly about kids’ clothes and furniture – and nice furniture is luckily so expensive that I just end up saving to get the exact thing I want and then that piece of course lasts a long time.
But I have to say, the new climate report affected me. I just cannot buy stuff anymore without thinking about all the natural resources it took to make it. It has really helped me to tone down the spending and turn to flee markets. This rarely happens, my self-control is…less than optimal and interventions don’t usually work for me. But the report and the reactions towards it among people I like and respect killed my desire to buy stuff, at least for short term. I hope it lasts.
Could u b suffering from obsesive-compulsion illness??? Ask your doc. Ask a out meds for it. Sounds like illness, not reasonable. Good wishes!