When we bought our house I wanted very much to incorporate the lower unit into the bigger whole. I wanted a real bedroom and a second bathroom. I wanted a living room and a dining room, and a wall between where I slept and where the family hung out. When I think of how different mornings would have been with a baby and toddler with that downstairs space it makes me kind of crazy (they would have been very much improved).
But now, 7.5 years later, I’m not sure sure we need those extra square feet. Yes I still want a real bedroom with four walls, and yes I still very much want a second bathroom (even a half bath would be so great), but I don’t want that space as much as I used to. I wonder if the space we have is enough.
It’s hard to get a grasp on what “enough” looks like in America, where our perception of it has been distorted by the “bigger is better” mentality that has dominated our cultural narrative since, well, the founding of our country.
I find what enough feels like for me changes with the company I keep. Most of my friends are in a similar economic situation to me, but one bought her house with her MIL’s help (her MIL lives in a unit below) and it’s much bigger and nicer than mine. I find that when I leave her place, I am much more inclined to believe that we need the “master suite” our downstairs unit will provide. I was recently at an old’s friend’s house which is probably twice the size of mine, and has been totally renovated in a very chic, modern style, and I went home hating pretty much everything about the house I live in.
But I read enough minimalist blogs and articles to recognize that I don’t need the space and stuff that most messages would lead me to believe. I also know that I’ll never be content if I let what others have affect my appreciation for my own life. The sheer amount of space, and stuff stored in that space, that our house already provides for four people (two of whom are children) is totally insane. There is no way four people need what we already have, and we’re going to borrow a ton of money to utilize more?
But otherwise that space will just sit there. Which certainly informs our decision. We would rather rent it, but we’ve been burned so badly that we’ll never feel comfortable doing so again. Does that make it okay to take more than we need?
This idea of enough has been permeated a lot of different lines of thinking. How many nights a week of down time are enough? How many hours at the dojo are enough? How many months of swimming lessons are enough? How many field trips chaperoned are enough? How much money raised for the PTA is enough? Enough means something different to everyone, but it feels like right now I have no idea how to answer the question for myself.
I’m trying to be more aware of these questions, so that even if I can’t answer them, I’ll get closer to a resolution. I may never know how much of something is enough, but maybe I can narrow the field so that the different possibilities feel manageable.
How do you define and determine enough?
What are the debt and stress levels incurred by the choices?
By committing to A what B is compromised and what C becomes totally off the table as a choice?
IF I do X what maintenance and other time and money demands prevail? Time cleaning, money to furnish, activities that must be given up due to time and money committed? What future options no longer exist (college trips, semester abroad, school graduation excursions, replacement transportation, exercise options) and what unexpected emergencies are less prepared against (the MUNI bus accident, slipped on stairs, job loss, whatever).
Would a future buyer want your choice of upgrades or would they prefer an untouched (cheaper) open space they could choose to develop). How many years until the eldest child leaves for adulthood school/job and that bedroom becomes available?
What lessons do your children learn about their future living requirements from the choices you make now? What values do you hold and what do you want them to value? What life skills do you teach with each option you look at?
I do recommend remembering that one sees on the outside of other people’s lives may not reflect the inner costs/debts/fears/obligations that they live with hidden inside themselves. How much life energy are you willing to forfeit to pay the bills for the bigger house/fancier toy/ordering in a simple soup instead of making your own (with less salt) at home?
You always provoke such wonderful thoughtful fodder for thought! THANK YOU.