I hope you’re ready to ping-pong through the long and short of my mind…
Less than three weeks left of summer. It feels like it flew by and like I’ve been living it forever. I am both incredibly relieved and increasingly stressed out that it’s almost over.
My son is hurtling toward toddlerdom at breakneck speed. His new favorite word is “No” followed closely by “I want…” and/or “I don’t want…” and rounded off with “I all done.”
He suddenly loves trains and can with play them for a solid twenty minutes. He get frustrated easily but he’s already learned not to throw the cars or tracks because once I put them all away when he couldn’t stop. He hasn’t thrown one since then, though there have been plenty of times when he has had one angrily above his head.
He also suddenly hates baths and can’t abide getting his hair washed. He used to dance eagerly into the bathroom, now I have to haul him there kicking and screaming. When he’s finally in the tub and the horrible work of wetting, washing and rinsing is done, he scratches his eczema patches until the skin on his ankles is a bloody pulp. I don’t know how to make either of these problems more bearable. Now I doubly hate bath day.
Every day my daughter wakes up in a foul mood, and that foul mood continues pretty much until bedtime. Every response from her is a terse yell sound. Every conversation is an argument. I am trying SO HARD to respond with kind words, to model the tone and message I would like to hear, but it’s so fucking hard to keep it up when all I get is angry accusations and ugly whining ALL. DAY. LONG.
On Monday my daughter was in a particularly horrible mood and by the time my husband came home we were actively not speaking to each other. Of course then he got to sweep in and be the fun father and she was such a sweetheart to him until bedtime. They played fun games and joked and laughed. I was so frustrated by the unfairness of the whole thing that I kicked ass on my elliptical workout and burned 30 more calories than I usually do.
I have all but abandoned the idea of attempting a GFCF diet with my daughter, mostly because she shows none of the physical symptoms of gluten or diary sensitivity, despite subsisting almost entirely off both (and there doesn’t seem to be a way to test for food sensitivities besides abstaining and then seeing if symptoms subside). Instead I’m looking into the no-additives diet, but it’s complicated because sometimes you can’t tell from the ingredients list if the offending additives are present. I’m going to have to wait until after my spending freeze is up to invest a little money in it. In the meantime I’m thinking of ways I can wean her off of some (I’m assuming) obvious offenders, like Kid-Z bars, which she’s basically addicted (seriously, those things are kid crack). It’s going to be some rough stuff to get her to stop eating some of this shit, but that probably means we should have done it ages ago. I really hope it helps; I’m at the end of my rope.
I’m also looking into bringing her sugar intake WAY DOWN. I
know suspect she is sensitive to her blood sugar getting too low, so it would make sense that she’s sensitive to sugar in general. Mostly I’m just sick of her always asking for “treats” and then having epic meltdowns when I say no. Nothing can trigger an epic meltdown faster or more intensely than saying she can’t have a second frozen yogurt push-up or Kid-Z bar. That intense, addiction-like craving is probably not the sign of a healthy relationship with sugar.
I also started my daughter on 5mL of Kid’s Clar.itin because it’s clear she suffers from generalized allergies. I know how miserable I am when I’m suffering from allergy symptoms (OMFG this year has been fucking awful for my allergies), so maybe if this alleviates some discomfort she’ll be in a better mood at least part of the time.
The day after our weekend away from the kids was an abrupt re-entry into reality. My husband was in a shit mood, probably because it was his birthday and it sucked (I would have been in a shit mood too). I spent that day trying not to despair that our reconnection wasn’t going to last through the hard second half of summer. I’m happy to report that the first day back was a low point and things (or at least our attitudes) have improved since then. I do think we’re still reaping the rewards of our time together.
The house, on the other hand, seems to have reverted to its previous state of perpetual chaos. There is little evidence of the weekend of pristine clean.
We’re heading to San Diego in a week and a half and my calendar until then is filling up fast. I’m going to need to think hard about when I’m going to get the car cleaned out and me and the kids packed. We’ll be in souther California for an entire week so this will be our longest trip as a family of four. We sure did pick a banner time to try driving 10ish hours one way with these two. We have never attempted a long car ride with my son. I don’t think it’s going to go well. Oh and did I mention I’m driving home from LA with the kids alone? Yeah, I know. I’m fucking crazy.
By the time we come back there will only be one weekend before my daughter’s first day of school. My first staff day (no kids, just meetings) is that Wednesday. I haven’t done one of the things I wanted to do to prepare for the school year yet. It’s going to be here so fast. No I’m not at all sure how I feel about that.
I am listening to Ivy and Bean and the Ghost that had to Go for the FIFTH time today. It’s blaring behind my head right now, as I type. Even my son knows how to ask for Ivy and Bean by name.
I find I spend more and more time retreating into my own daydreams these days. I keep a couple of detailed stories with evolving plots going at all times, and whenever I need to escape the frustration, anger or panic of life with two kids, I just grab ahold of a storyline and lose myself in the fantasy. This probably isn’t super healthy, but it’s better than the alternative.
I had to take off my least forgiving pair of favorite jeans today because they were too tight. I guess Operation: Lose a Little Weight needs to be taken up a notch. I’m frustrated because (our staycation weekend aside) I didn’t realize I was eating enough to gain so much weight so fast. I’m not really sure how I’m going to take it off. I’ve put the kibosh on snacking after dinner, but I don’t think that will make enough difference for me to lose weight. There is so little time to work out with both kids home and no nap time… Blerg. I’m so annoyed at myself that I even have to think about this again, after I worked so hard losing all that weight last summer. I guess what they say about your metabolism in your mid-thirties (and beyond) is true. I’m going to have to really change the way I think about food now too.
I feel like I could keep writing this post forever, but it’s already crazy long so I’ll stop. If you made it to the end… I’m sorry. And thank you.
What’s ping ponging around your mental parts today?