It took until early this week for me to realize that I’m feeling a lot of anxiety right now. It’s a low grade, kind of panicky feeling. I know it’s about my daughter starting a new school year and my own school year starting. I know it’s totally normal. It’s doesn’t make it any less unpleasant.
Going back to work this year has been really, really hard. I’m so stressed out about my new schedule, about teaching this giant class with another teacher, about traveling between campuses, about the construction on our campus and all the challenges it will cause, about probable behavior issues in my classes. When I think about teaching this year all I see looming are anxiety and boredom. I can’t seem to get excited about any of it.
I’m just really struggling, way more than I anticipated. I consider myself a pretty flexible, easy going person, but all this change and uncertainty is bringing me to my knees. I’m not impressed by how I’m handling it all. I’m pretty disappointed, actually.
I’m hoping that once we get started I’ll feel better, that once I see the classrooms at the new campus and can start envisioning teaching there the thought of it won’t send me into such a panic. I’m hoping I can think of something new to do with my 6th graders, so the thought of three periods with them every day doesn’t doesn’t conjure feelings of drudgery and despair.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so down about the start of a new school year. It’s just not who I am, and I’m sad it’s who I’ve become.
I really hope I can turn my attitude around. My students deserve better than this.