Struggling

It took until early this week for me to realize that I’m feeling a lot of anxiety right now. It’s a low grade, kind of panicky feeling. I know it’s about my daughter starting a new school year and my own school year starting. I know it’s totally normal. It’s doesn’t make it any less unpleasant.

Going back to work this year has been really, really hard. I’m so stressed out about my new schedule, about teaching this giant class with another teacher, about traveling between campuses, about the construction on our campus and all the challenges it will cause, about probable behavior issues in my classes. When I think about teaching this year all I see looming are anxiety and boredom. I can’t seem to get excited about any of it.

I’m just really struggling, way more than I anticipated. I consider myself a pretty flexible, easy going person, but all this change and uncertainty is bringing me to my knees. I’m not impressed by how I’m handling it all. I’m pretty disappointed, actually.

I’m hoping that once we get started I’ll feel better, that once I see the classrooms at the new campus and can start envisioning teaching there the thought of it won’t send me into such a panic. I’m hoping I can think of something new to do with my 6th graders, so the thought of three periods with them every day doesn’t doesn’t conjure feelings of drudgery and despair.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so down about the start of a new school year. It’s just not who I am, and I’m sad it’s who I’ve become.

I really hope I can turn my attitude around. My students deserve better than this.

 

4 Comments

  1. Feeling sad/frustrated/bored about your job can spill over into the rest of your life, and that sucks. Im dealing with some of that, too. I wish you weren’t so stuck in that job – there’s got to be a solution!

  2. Change and uncertainty is hard and for me, tricky to wrap my head around it all. Please, do not feel or be disappointed in yourself! You have every right to feel ALL the emotions with this new school year and family life. I personally can’t get excited about it and I’m not even you, in the throws of it all!
    Be good to yourself. You’re an awesome teacher and your students are lucky to have you.

  3. I am sorry. And, I understand.
    Hope you like the person you are co teaching with, and that things improve from this terrible low point.
    Hope also both your children are happy in their schools, and that your husband’s job is smooth so he has extra energy as this fall starts.

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