The Lows

I am someone who is continually cycling through highs and lows. My highs are generally pretty awesome. I feel great. I am super productive. The possibilities seem endless. I am happy and (relatively) carefree.

My lows suck. I feel depressed and anxious. Things that shouldn’t be a big deal overwhelm me. A gloom of hopeless envelopes everything, like a fog.

I’ve been dealing with these cycles for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II in college. I’ve never really pursued that diagnosis. At the time it was very new (the diagnosis) and I felt it was pretty much bullshit. Since then I’ve done some research myself. I feel like the only thing a Bi-Polar II diagnosis could offer me is a change in medication, because I already recognize these cycles in myself and I’m pretty good at reminding myself that even though the lows seem endless, I won’t always feel this way.

I guess my point is, maybe there is something “more” to my highs and lows, but I don’t think it really matters whether there is or not. This is how I am. This is who I am. I wish these cycles weren’t a part of my life. I wish I weren’t a lot of things that I happen to be (especially when I’m entrenched in one of these accursed lows), but I feel very fortunate that I can manage (or at least have been able to so far) my specific set of challenges.

I’m putting this out here right now as a reminder to myself, that this is a low and that someday, probably not too far in the future, I will come out of it. Things might feel overwhelming and hopeless at the moment, but that feeling will pass. The challenges will change, the way I perceive them will shift, and in the end, it will be okay.

Do you cycle through highs and lows? How do you manage your harder times?


  1. Have you looked at highs and lows in terms of your hormonal levels? Hormonal shifts can make highs and lows exaggerated at pre-menopause years ~ I think perhaps more for PCOS people……

    1. I haven’t looked into this much, mostly because I don’t think I have big hormonal swings, with my DOR. When I was getting my hormones tested during our secondary infertility journey, my problem was they were all really low, and not going up and down like they were supposed to. But I suppose it’s worth looking into.

  2. I totally cycle through highs and lows. I’m low right now, bored with my life (until I sell some stuff on FB which invigorates me until it’s all picked up and I have to find something else to sell). Winter kills me. I’m picking up my meds tonight, meds I haven’t taken since I was newly pregnant with Matthew. So yeah, I’m LOW.

    I’m like you, though, and I know it’s temporary. I just have to power through. Ugh!

    Hang in there!

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