Yesterday was…overwhelming. A lot of errands with my kids and then more errands alone. A lot of shopping. A lot of running in to grab one thing. A lot of worrying I was forgetting (despite all my lists).
But now, after an early morning trip to the hardware store to get cinch lashes for the roof bag, I think we have it all. Or at least enough to get through the first three days.
I definitely took on too much of the planning and shopping, but since I’m the only one not working, and I have the Costco card, it made sense. I’m so glad I’m at the front of all this and can bow out after Sunday to let others take over.
My husband keeps marveling that I’m not at all concerned about being the only adult up there with five kids for three days. Honestly, four 11 year olds don’t worry me at all. Actually, I’m sad that really I’m just worried about one of them, my son, who I assume will make those three days incredibly difficult. I’m not quite sure how it got this bad (actually, I have plenty of ideas), but he’s not the kind, considerate kid I want him to be. He’s not even content most of the time. I know he’s going to be upset about all kinds of things during the next three days; no video games (the arcade is actually closed), no streaming services, no friends, nothing to do, etc.). He will be angry with the girls no matter how much they include him. He will be angry at me no matter how hard I try to make it fun.
It’s just… a major bummer. I know it’s hard to be the sibling who is only there because he’s, well, the sibling. I get it. But I think many kids could happy to hang out in a new place with lots of cool stuff (maybe not many, but just some?). And maybe he will be, if I hang out with him. And if that’s the case then great! I’m not expecting this to be restful or relaxing for me. Far from it. I’m totally ready to be with him 24/7 – I just don’t want that 24/7 to be nothing but bitch and moan. My son is SO GOOD at bitch and moan. He absolutely excels at it.
I informed my kids today that once school starts we won’t be playing video games during the school week. They can watch two shows a night, Monday through Thursday (so they can each pick one) and that is it (I want to phase this out eventually but that probably won’t happen for a while). They were NOT happy about it. I have been thinking about implementing this rule for the final three weeks of summer, when they are in camp, but I think that will be too much (for me as much as for them). At that point I’ll just bring their video game time to one hour (with no TV) so they aren’t just going cold turkey once school starts.
Our screen time really has ramped WAY up since the pandemic started. It’s not good for them. It erodes their contentment. My son, especially, struggles. We’ve taken a few days off, when his reaction to losing in a game or to stopping has reached totally unacceptable levels. We talk about how it’s not a punishment when that happens, it’s just a break when our reactions tell us that the current amount of play time is overwhelming. We talk a lot about whether video games actually make us feel good, and that if they only make us feel good while we use them, but make us feel bad a lot of the rest of the time, then we should rethink how we use them. He seems to get that.
When he has finished playing, but a long afternoon stretches in front of him, he can ratchet the begging for more video games to truly discouraging levels. But after about an hour he will eventually go read a book or do a quiet activity. We never back down from our screen time limits once we’ve made them for a day, so that helps, but man is the 30-60 before he finally accepts that hard on everyone.
At the beginning of the pandemic, when parents were assured that crazy levels of screen time were actually fine, we didn’t worry so much about how much they played video games. Just getting my son through the long morning with almost nothing school-related to do (while we worked!) felt like a major accomplishment. At that point, two hours in front of the Switch felt like a reward for all of us. But as the pandemic wore on we realized that 15+ months of this kind of screen time was way too much. Articles coming out at the time suggested the same. “Experts” were walking back there “do what you need to do, it’s fine!” comments to a more conservative, “well it’s been over a year of this and if we’d known how long this was going to last we could have suggested a more measured approach.” Of course, measured was impossible in the early stages of this crisis, and by the time it might have been more possible we were exhausted and overwhelmed by the uncertainty of when it would all end. We were given so few options, and we did the best we can, and I’m not going to dwell on it except to glean useful information for moving forward. An organized day of camp full of socialization and physical exertion is absolutely what my family needs to get our screen time back on track. And that starts again for us next week!
I didn’t mean for this to be a post about screen time, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot because the KOA will be a big reset for my daughter (less so for my son because he’s only going a few days). I know the way we’re using screen time no long serves us well, and I want to make changes, and changes require consideration and planning. So I guess that ended up happening here. SHU’s post this morning was probably also a motivator. 😉
And now it’s time to stop because the brief respite of my son being in the bath and my daughter being on a zoom call with her friends (they are all vibrating on the same insane frequency right now so it’s best to let them do it together via a screen lest they make their families crazy) is over. My son is now repeatedly entering his sister’s room despite her increasingly frustrated assertions that he JUST LEAVE. I suggested my son FT his friend who just came home from Hawaii, but he hates to FT so no. At 1:30 they get to play video games while I switch cars with my friend, get the roof bag on the top, and pack all the food. I guess the reset starts when we get there!
Do you help to reset screen time for your kids (or yourself?!)
We are in a similar boat of screen time increased during the lock down and now we are struggling to walk it back. I finally hit a wall about a month ago and put new codes on both of the (old) iPads our kids get to use, and now they have to come to us to unlock them and we start a timer and that is IT. My son in particular turns into a completely whiny, angry person after very much screen time at all, so we are trying to stick to about 30 minutes/day for each of them. When we were in MN for the last 5 days, there was zero iPad, just a little bit of kids’ TV when the 2 year olds needed a bit of down time while the adults cooked a meal or whatever. It was definitely a nice break and worth the short-term arguments and struggles about it!
We are doing so so so much more than 30 minutes a day. Even pre pandemic we did more than that with the now 7 year olds. I would love to be at 30 minutes a day!!!
Oh yeah – we were at a few hours a day before I had to crack down recently because it was making us all miserable! No judgement!
It’s so hard. It’s so, so, so hard. My 3 year old has probably watched more tv the past year than his older brother did in his first six years. They both have a really hard time stopping. We have managed to keep the games at bay but the 7 year old does play a little. If we say no phone or tv to the younger one he sometimes has a huge tantrum, even throwing things (although he does that when we say no to basically anything). We went away for a a few days and we did no screens which was nice. They did better than I thought they would.
Impressed and totally supportive of your effort and carefully considered plans. Weaning off screens is really hard. And also a better idea in the long run. (says I who also needs to be weaned regularly from screens.)
Sending wonderful wishes that this weekend goes well for all of you. You put so much work into parenting and I always want that to have huge pay offs.
THANK YOU for sharing and encouraging the rest of us.
I said all my thoughts about screen time on the SHU post but I just wanted to wish you luck on the trip with your son. I really hope you have some good moments of connection. My daughter is around his age and struggles horribly with feelings of being left out so I can understand your concerns. Can you emphasize that you know this is really hard but he is doing something really nice to make this possible for his sister? And you are excited to have time to focus on him while your daughter is distracted with her friends? I am sure you have already done a great job with your messaging and thinking of things you two can do. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
That was great messaging and I used it and it’s been going really well. Thanks!
“It’s not good for them. It erodes their contentment” — yes, to eroding contentment. It’s like . . . too much fun and a total escape and seems to make everything pale in comparison (at least for one kid) which makes me so sad to see.
Working on finding that happy medium! I will say I DO think you are brave for going out there solo with all those kids but it definitely sounds like it will be worth it. And maybe your son will blend in more than expected.
I think as a teacher who is used to 32 kids in my classroom at a time, being in charge or large groups of kids just doesn’t faze me. I wasn’t considering how loud they would be though. 🤣 The loudness, for such a sustained amount of time, will take getting used to again. My tolerance has wained during the pandemic I guess.
I also have a child who is extremely challenging in terms of temperament and I struggle so much! I don’t know what the answer is but it can be exhausting bc it makes everything more difficult for all involved including the siblings. We returned from a vacation with two other families and of the 7 combined children including my 3 yo, my challenging one (7 yo boy) was the only one crying on hikes, asking to be carried, demanding screen time and whining 3x more than any other child. I know life is harder for him due to his innate temperament so I try to be understanding but some days I just yell and say things I later regret. It can make me sad so always looking for solutions.