Some thoughts on a Friday…
- I responded to comments on the past post. I hate when I can’t get to them until the next day, but such is life sometimes.
- My son has been having a REALLY HARD TIME LATELY and after two months of it I feel so worn down. His bedtime has become a 90 minute long affair, which pushes my daughter’s bedtime back, and means I’m not walking out of her room until after 9pm. It’s hard to have so little time for myself at the end of the day, and I end up getting less sleep than I need most nights. I’m tired and worn out and frustrated all of the time. My daughter continues to be her high-maintenance self as well, so things have not been great at home.
- A local music festival is happening in SF right now and my husband’s organization is involved (the one he founded, not his work), so he’s been at concerts most nights this week. I like being able to support him in his interests like this, but I can’t help but think that he would LOSE HIS SHIT if he had to do bedtime solo for three nights in a row.
- I also just found out that not only has my husband been buying his lunch every day for months, but he’s also been buying an afternoon cup of coffee because he doesn’t have a thermos to bring to work anymore (not sure what happened to the one he used to use). That means he’s been spending $12-15 A DAY on lunch and a coffee. Meanwhile I’ve been eating $1 soup packets that require an involved process of boiling water and then microwaving in a giant Pyrex bowl for four minutes to mimic “simmering” on a stove top. I’m trying really hard to just be okay with this discrepancy in our approaches to lunch, but it’s hard, especially when I know he gets to eat from really tasty food trucks every day while I’m eating crappy, packet soup.
- I know four people IRL who are pregnant and three women on my staff got engaged this year and I’m realizing that I am HORRIBLE at talking to people about these kind of major life transitions. I hate repeating the tired cliches, and I know no-one wants to hear the truth about having a first, or second kid, so I just don’t bring it up. And then it seems weird that I’m never bringing it up. I also don’t know what to say to the people planning weddings because I was never formally engaged and I officially got married after my second child was born (and that happened in my parents living room with only our families and two close friends present) so I feel like I don’t know anything about being engaged. I also feel some regret about not having a traditional engagement story, because they seem fun and romantic and there is very little about my relationship that is fun and romantic. We are more of a get-things-done kind of couple. Also, I’m kind of done oohing and aahing over giant rocks on people’s fingers. I know. I’m a bitch.
- I am finally deleting a bunch of blogs from my reader that were making me feel shitty. I don’t know why I have such a hard time cutting that negative shit out of my life, but I do. I’ve been reading some of these blogs for over a year and it’s almost never a positive experience. Why have I kept reading them this long?! Basically I’m hate reading these people, and I don’t want to engage in that. I have a list of five that I think I need to stop reading. This weekend they get the boot.
- I have not figured out how to manage library wait lists. I’m either waiting for a bunch of books with nothing to read, or feeling stressed out to read three books in three weeks. I love that I can read books from the library for free, but I miss being able to buy a book and have it waiting for me whenever I’m ready.
- It looks like the El Niño we were promised dissipated and our severe drought will just become more severe. It’s scary how little water we have here in California right now. It’s kind of stressing me out.
- The journey to less stuff continues. It’s hard, especially with the kids. But I’m still spending WAY too much time picking up dumb shit at the end of the day. I told my husband that if no one is going to help me with keeping the house picked up (I’m not talking clean, just free of random shit strewn all over), then I’m going to start getting rid of stuff, without asking people if it’s okay. I think my daughter is old enough to either help or get rid of shit. It’s time to start learning the hard lessons about stuff.
I’m going to stop now, because we’re all busy people and I don’t feel I’m adding much to the meaningful dialogue of the world with this. I don’t know why writing about this stuff helps me, but it does. My mind feels quieter after a post like this, and that I appreciate.
What’s been bouncing around in your mind these days?