Thoughts on a Friday

Some thoughts on a Friday…

  • I responded to comments on the past post. I hate when I can’t get to them until the next day, but such is life sometimes.
  • My son has been having a REALLY HARD TIME LATELY and after two months of it I feel so worn down. His bedtime has become a 90 minute long affair, which pushes my daughter’s bedtime back, and means I’m not walking out of her room until after 9pm. It’s hard to have so little time for myself at the end of the day, and I end up getting less sleep than I need most nights. I’m tired and worn out and frustrated all of the time. My daughter continues to be her high-maintenance self as well, so things have not been great at home.
  • A local music festival is happening in SF right now and my husband’s organization is involved (the one he founded, not his work), so he’s been at concerts most nights this week. I like being able to support him in his interests like this, but I can’t help but think that he would LOSE HIS SHIT if he had to do bedtime solo for three nights in a row.
  • I also just found out that not only has my husband been buying his lunch every day for months, but he’s also been buying an afternoon cup of coffee because he doesn’t have a thermos to bring to work anymore (not sure what happened to the one he used to use). That means he’s been spending $12-15 A DAY on lunch and a coffee. Meanwhile I’ve been eating $1 soup packets that require an involved process of boiling water and then microwaving in a giant Pyrex bowl for four minutes to mimic “simmering” on a stove top. I’m trying really hard to just be okay with this discrepancy in our approaches to lunch, but it’s hard, especially when I know he gets to eat from really tasty food trucks every day while I’m eating crappy, packet soup.
  • I know four people IRL who are pregnant and three women on my staff got engaged this year and I’m realizing that I am HORRIBLE at talking to people about these kind of major life transitions. I hate repeating the tired cliches, and I know no-one wants to hear the truth about having a first, or second kid, so I just don’t bring it up. And then it seems weird that I’m never bringing it up. I also don’t know what to say to the people planning weddings because I was never formally engaged and I officially got married after my second child was born (and that happened in my parents living room with only our families and two close friends present) so I feel like I don’t know anything about being engaged. I also feel some regret about not having a traditional engagement story, because they seem fun and romantic and there is very little about my relationship that is fun and romantic. We are more of a get-things-done kind of couple. Also, I’m kind of done oohing and aahing over giant rocks on people’s fingers. I know. I’m a bitch.
  • I am finally deleting a bunch of blogs from my reader that were making me feel shitty. I don’t know why I have such a hard time cutting that negative shit out of my life, but I do. I’ve been reading some of these blogs for over a year and it’s almost never a positive experience. Why have I kept reading them this long?! Basically I’m hate reading these people, and I don’t want to engage in that. I have a list of five that I think I need to stop reading. This weekend they get the boot.
  • I have not figured out how to manage library wait lists. I’m either waiting for a bunch of books with nothing to read, or feeling stressed out to read three books in three weeks. I love that I can read books from the library for free, but I miss being able to buy a book and have it waiting for me whenever I’m ready.
  • It looks like the El Niño we were promised dissipated and our severe drought will just become more severe. It’s scary how little water we have here in California right now. It’s kind of stressing me out.
  • The journey to less stuff continues. It’s hard, especially with the kids. But I’m still spending WAY too much time picking up dumb shit at the end of the day. I told my husband that if no one is going to help me with keeping the house picked up (I’m not talking clean, just free of random shit strewn all over), then I’m going to start getting rid of stuff, without asking people if it’s okay. I think my daughter is old enough to either help or get rid of shit. It’s time to start learning the hard lessons about stuff.

I’m going to stop now, because we’re all busy people and I don’t feel I’m adding much to the meaningful dialogue of the world with this. I don’t know why writing about this stuff helps me, but it does. My mind feels quieter after a post like this, and that I appreciate.

What’s been bouncing around in your mind these days?

20 Comments

  1. You are clearly tired. A child not doing the sleep thing well always makes parents tired. It is very hard and I know as grandma I sometimes feel at the point of tears with a child who will not follow her routine. And then I remember feeling that same way as the mother. It is flat hard.
    AND, when you are being so supportive of your husband’s extra-work activities to learn he is eating out and having a coffee out…… well. Yes. It feels very unbalanced. And at that moment the food cart sounds extra enchanting and extra yummy and special. It feels too Cinderella-ish for words … and when we feel like that it is also feeling no prince will come and certainly not our prince and if one showed up it would be the dummy stupid prince not the good one. Totally an evil circle. Is there anything in your life your husband envies? No idea if that would help with feeling you are on the wrong side of the fence and grass.
    “It is lovely to see how happy you are.” “I hope all your dreams come true.” and no more is very adequate and no worries about engagements or weddings or babies.
    Blogs~ Triage them like the Tidying book says to … if they do no bring you joy then dump them. TOTALLY ok to do. The world changes and life moves on and we need and want different things from the things and people that impact our lives. It really is ok.
    Fully understand the library wait list issue versus instant gratification. I try to always have at least 15 books on the list and then try to see what shows up as being similar to a Christmas gift. I decide which book to read in which order by knowing what books can be renewed, but it isn’t instant gratification. Not perfect but the impact on my cash flow really helps me with this!
    Between the drought worries and the possible presidential nominees I do not see how you could be unstressed. I keep putting moratoriums on reading about the candidates ~ especially those who I see as preaching and egging on hatefulness. We can vote about elections but that doesn’t mean our choice wins and there is nothing we can do about the drought other than be water wise in using it BECAUSE our elected officials failed open for over 50 years in planning ahead. YES, I remember over 50 years ago the discussions about water shortages… and then we were still having Sierra snowfalls at 5000 feet election that were well over two stories deep on houses there. Those chickens are really roosting now. If for 50 years we had insisted on new housing/construction having grey water reuse systems and if for 40 years we had insisted on better mileage and renewable energy sources and roof solar panels on new construction….. well. ROOSTING Chickens are now with us.
    Take a walk if possible. Your mind was quieter for writing and mine feels less alone. You are so supporting. THANK YOU.

    1. Yeah, politics and environmental issues are so stressful right now. It’s hard to just push it out of my mind all the time. I really need it to be November already, at least then we’ll get some closure on one of the issues…

      Thanks for the empathy, support and understanding. It really does help.

  2. I just want to say that I hear you on the library thing. Sometimes I’ll have five books to read in three weeks and then I ignore my husband at night and he gets annoyed and we fight. And then sometimes I have nothing to read and I’m swimming in Facebook land.

    And don’t get me started on El Niño.

    My husband is incapable of eating leftovers and buys lunch everyday.

    Would you be willing to explain a bit more about why bedtime is 90 minutes? Maybe we can help you troubleshoot.

    1. My library kinda solution is to keep lots of things on my wish list in addition to my holds list so sometimes I get lucky and something is available when I need a new book between things I put on hold. We also have a $10 a month book budget (for everyone who can count to ten) that we spend mostly on digital books so they don’t litter the house. Usually one book a month is enough so I save some book funds to roll over in case of future book emergencies.

      1. Maybe I should give myself a small book budget as well. For me, most of the books I “read” are really audiobooks, which I listen to during my commute and then when I’m doing chores around the house after the kids go to bed. I had an audible account where I could get one book a month for $15. I used all my credits and cancelled my account a few months ago, but I’m almost done with all the books I have there too. I could reactivate that account and have that $15 a month be my book budget. I could also get into podcasts when I’m waiting. So far nothing I’ve tried has really grabbed me, but I haven’t tried much either so… Podcasts could be a really good solution though, because they are short and usually stand alones, so I could easily stop listening to them when a book becomes available…

    2. I will write more about what is going on at bedtime. Honestly, I need to really take stock of it for a few nights, I may even jot down what I’m doing and how long each step is taking because I don’t really understand why it’s taking so long. I appreciate taking the time to look into this, because it’s really starting to kill my soul. The other hard part is that he’s taken to waking up at 11pm, right when I’m falling asleep, and then I’m in there with him until almost midnight, and then I’m up again with him around 4am, and I barely get back to sleep before he’s up for good at 6am. It’s just a really bad 2yo sleep regression and it’s driving me batty.

  3. What’s been on my mind lately is the very scary prospect of a certain person becoming president. And how much hate and stupidity there must be in this country for that even be possible.

    I would be extremely pissed off if my husband was spending $12-$15 a day on lunches and coffees.

    1. Yeah. Politics right now are freaking terrifying. I can’t really think about it to hard or I start to freak out.

      I am also extremely pissed off that my husband is spending that much every day on lunch and coffee. I just got him a thermos, in fact. 😉

  4. Ok the lunch/coffee thing would infuriate me. I can see once or twice a week, but every day? Nope. And ugh on the 3 nights of concerts- my kids are extremely easy to put to bed and doing it solo is exhausting. I’m so sorry.

    I’m so over wedding/engagement talk too. I feel like that has absolutely nothing to do with my current life- my sisters year long engagement last year was painful trying to fake excitement and anticipation all the time.

    1. Haha! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who is over the wedding/engagement talk! I feel like such a scrooge. It’s not that I’m not happy for them, but I just don’t have anything to offer these conversations. And I’m not all that interested in listening to them.

  5. We decided on 20 toys for everyone for now. Legos are a single toy. The purge begins this afternoon and I am super excited. Less stuff! Yay! I’m also reducing our kitchen substantially and moving the excess downstairs so it’s hard to access so we quit putting off dishes until every dish is dirty.

  6. I hear you with the husband and lunch thing. My husband gets awesome lunches from his work cafeteria…every single day. That doesn’t include the free hot chocolate/coffee/tea and on-demand massage services (should he want those). I’m usually stuck with a tortilla with some leftovers heated up and it sucks.

    As for toys, I recently put 75% of all the toys out of the reach of the kids. We have 4 baskets of toys. Only one basket is allowed “out” at a time. The amount of work which that has eliminated has been insane. If they want something from another basket, the first has to be cleaned up (by them), and then another one can be brought down.

    And, yes, the water shortage is getting scary! I’m worried about summer.

    1. I like that toy solution. It sounds amazing. I’m trying to figure out how I can make it work for us, as we have very little storage space that is out of reach of the kids. We could definitely do the one thing back before another new thing comes out though… I shall attempt this.

  7. I’m pretty horrible at talking to people about life transitions too. Yes, it is exciting for them, and that’s what I will usually say. But I guess we come to a stage where we know that the fairytales rarely last – I don’t think I ever really bought into the idea of “happily ever after” – and it’s hard to pretend that they do. That makes me sound far more cynical than I am. But I find that the people going through the life transitions have enough to say about it for the two of us, so I’ll ask a question, “how are the wedding plans going?” or “excited about the baby?” and then away they’ll go!

    I had to laugh about the library thing too. I get e-books from the library – but I tend to go and search for books online all at once, and then put a number on hold, but then they all come available at the same time! Sigh. Invariably, I then have to put them back on hold, because I didn’t get around to reading them. It has saved me so much money though, every time I finish a book, I pat myself on the back!

    1. Asking questions is a really good strategy in these situations–people on the verge of big transitions always have a lot to say. I’ll start asking questions and then sitting back and letting them do the talking. Thanks!

      I’m also getting e-books, and I do the exact same thing you do, I look all at once and then put six things on hold at the same time. Sometimes it’s okay because one has three holds on it already and another has six, so they will come available at totally different times, but sometimes they all have 3-4 holds in front of me, and then they all come available at the same time.

  8. I don’t know how you keep your calm but yeah, the whole $12-$15 lunch thing would greatly upset me. Good for you for buying him a thermos. I mean, I don’t like leftovers either but I still pack my lunch, dang.

    Husbands are totally incapable of doing what we do…solo bedtimes are the worst. Hoping bedtime routines get easier…man, I’d be exhausted as well.

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