Holy shit, life has been busy. Lately the lack time has felt severe, to the point that I start to get panicky thinking of all the things I have to do and how few hours I have to do them.
I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, but getting through each day can be overwhelming. It’s not even about how I might fit in the thing I want to do, it’s about how I can manage all the things I feel I have to do. And the reality is most of them don’t get done, and the clean laundry sits all over the couch for five days, and I don’t make my grandmother’s calendar until two weeks into the new year, and every night I shave off a few more minutes of sleep until I’m barely getting six hours again.
I return all the unread comic books to library, because I know they won’t get read before they’re due. I don’t bookmark posts I want to come back and comment on because I know I’ll never have a free moment at my computer. I fish my jeans out of the dirty clothes hamper AGAIN, because I still haven’t manage to wash them. I get yet another note from my son’s daycare about how they are running low on diapers. I scramble to edit my students’ skits in the three minutes between classes.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve already extracted so much from my life: I’m not trying to see friends; or connect with my husband during the week; or make extra money tutoring (though I need to). I carve out time to exercise three days a week because my mental health depends on it, and that is usually when I blog, or comment. That is the only thing I’m doing right now that I don’t actually HAVE to do. All the rest is necessary–morning routines, making the kids dinner, putting them to bed, grading papers. I don’t see what I can stop doing to make things easier, and yet this life feels untenable.
I think a lot these days about the “seasons” in one’s life. I know this is a particularly hectic season in my life, but I also know I have a few more years left in it and I’m trying really hard to make those years not only manageable, but at least somewhat enjoyable. It’s hard not to feel like I’m failing at that, and I’m not sure how or why that is.
Not sure where to end this post. Life feels hectic and relentless and I want to simplify things but I don’t know how. And that is where I’ve been these past two weeks. And I’m hoping it gets better.
How do you make your life less hectic?