So, we’re a week and a half into the new school year and I am still getting my ass handed to me every day at work. If it doesn’t get better, or I guess if I don’t get better at this, it will absolutely be my worst year of teaching ever. And there have been some bad years.
Every day I am racing from one place to the next. Every evening I get home and it feels like I’ve run a marathon. My house is a shit show. My car is even worse. I have to work every evening until after midnight to be even a little bit ready for the next day, and even then I’m not ready enough. My life absolutely feels untenable right now.
And it’s supposed to be 104 tomorrow. Did I mention none of my classrooms have air conditioning?
I am so looking forward to a three day weekend, so I can spend one full day at work hoping to get in front of the next four days. There is no winging it when you have to load everything you need into a wagon and haul it to every class.
Part of the problem is our schedule has changed. We only have 34 minutes, from bell to bell, for lunch! By the time I’ve packed up one classroom and stored my stuff in the science hall, there are only 25 minutes to eat, and I need five of those minutes to pee! How am I supposed to make that work?! I also get out a full 45 minutes later than I used to, which means the traffic is a lot worse, and I’m not getting my kids most days until 5:30pm. Part of the reason I wanted to be a teacher is so I could pick up my kids early! Of course it doesn’t work out that way. I didn’t think those 45 minutes would make such a huge difference, but they do.
I’ve cried every day since school started, some days multiple times. It’s been a really rough start.
Every one tells me I’ll get the hang of it, and find a rhythm. Maybe that’s true, but if I do, it will have to be at a fast tempo because there is just no other way to make it work. At this point I just hope I’ll stop leaving important shit in every classroom, so I can stop sending kids to interrupt other teachers while they get my stuff.
I wanted to wait until I had better news to share here, until I could come to this space and say: It was so hard but it got better. It might be months before I’m ready to say that, so here it is. This is where I’m at right now, and it’s not pretty.
But I also know it’s a first world problem, to be potentially miserable at a decent paying job. I know people are losing everything in Texas right now, some are losing their lives. I know people are mired in deep, inconsolable grief. I know this. Writing this post is a petty thing, but right now it’s all I got.
Hopefully things will get better.