Words on the Weekend

This will be a super disjointed post, but I’ll keep out the bullet points, even though really they should probably be there.

Thank you all so much for sharing your success stories about astigmatism and contacts. I’m confused that I thought it was only recently (like last 10-15 years) that there even existed contacts you could use with astigmatism when it’s clear people have been correcting astigmatism with contacts for DECADES. I was clearly very misinformed. I’m going to look around for an optometrist office that specializes in fitting contacts for astigmatism, mostly because I am not a huge fan of the last eye doctor I went to at all. I highly doubt she will be able to help me. I hope to go in at some point this summer.

It’s super hot in SF right now. Like warm-for-the-summer hot (which for us is the mid to high 70’s) and it’s really throwing off my understanding of what time of year it is. How is it only the first week of February, and I’m hot in my jeans and a T-shirt? Talk with extended family about when we’re going to my uncle’s farm this July is not helping me remember that it’s technically still winter.

My daughter continues to do really well. She’s flexible and even helpful a lot of the time. Every time she responds to something in a much more positive way than I’m expecting, I’m reminded how exhausting it is to deal with kids that have melt downs or argue over EVERY SINGLE THING. A lot of the time I wonder why I seem to handle parenting so much worse than most people, especially when it was something I so very much wanted to do, and then my daughter has a stretch of amazing behavior and I realize that my experience really is different than a lot of people’s.

I’m not saying I have it harder than all other parents, because I KNOW I do not, but my kids really are NOT easy going. They really do react in a challenging way to MOST things. Getting them to eat is hard. Getting them to transition can be IMPOSSIBLE. We still have to physically move our daughter through EVERY STEP of getting ready and out the door (she is so distracted she literally can’t finish one step and start another with multiple reminders from an adult who is physically near by) and usually each step is a battle. Right now she moves through the steps willingly, instead of throwing her body on the floor and shrieking, or flat out refusing until you dangle something she wants as a reward. If I could just say, please get dressed and my kid would do it, that would be amazing! If I could ask my kid to use the bathroom without a 5 minute negotiation ensuing, my life would be a lot easier (also, who doesn’t want to go the bathroom for the first time THREE HOURS AFTER WAKING UP?!). If I didn’t have reason to be SUPER excited my kid will now eat a peanut butter sandwich (which brings our grand total of acceptable sandwiches to ONE), life would be different. (Did I mention I have to peel my son’s hotdogs right now, lest he spit EVERY bite out instead of swallowing? Because that has been a requirement for a while now.)

I still believe that I don’t handle the frustrations of parenting as well as most people, but I also firmly believe that my experience parenting is more challenging that most people’s. I need to cut myself some slack.

I really hate selling Girl Scout cookies. Like really, really loathe it. That is all.

I’m realizing how much work I have to do to make the house ready for guests this summer and it’s A LOT OF WORK. The entire house has fallen into varying degrees of disarray. Even the “not so bad” rooms are objectively pretty bad. They only don’t seem so bad in comparison to the really bad spaces. I need to get on this “house project” as I’m calling it, and soon.

I guess there isn’t much else to report at the moment. I suppose I’ll sign off. I hope you’re all having a good weekend!

7 Comments

  1. F*** girl scout cookies (sorry, but really). They’re thinking of doing some kind of massive sales thing in my son’s team and I’m trying to find a massive pile of money I could give them to avoid selling stuff.

    I was just complaining to my mom how my son does NOTHING without being excessively guided through the task. One time I tried to explain him where his clothes are in his new wardrobe. He literally put fingers in his ears and went “la-la-la I don’t WANT to know where my pants are la-la-la”.* He also pretends to “almost drop” things when he has to put dishes in the dishwasher. At least he’s cheerful about being lazy.

    *have to disclaim, he didn’t do this spitefully (he knows better than that), it was like a joke between us. He does dress himself. And finds most of his clothes, most days. But there was a kernel if truth in him not wanting to know where his things are…

  2. Sofia: sounds like your son is modeling, and trying on, some of our cultural messages about men’s versus women’s household responsibilities. Good luck, hope you find a good way to end that!
    Noemi: Your children have always been way more difficult to parent than the vast vast majority of children I have known or heard about. So I am extra delighted for you that your daughter is growing up and finding life a tiny bit easier. It must make her life easier as well as yours.
    Support on the girl scout cookie front.
    Using a timer and doing 15 mins towards goal 6 out of 7 days a week towards helps. But you will also probably need some longer times as well. Not sure when you will find that given the demands on your time. 5 mins of ‘put away’ by each child also is good, but if engenders a fight it may not be worth your expended energy. Even 5 mins once a week on their part can help. GOOD LUCK! Lots of support!

    1. Perhaps- though he’s seen his dad do as much or more housework than me all his life, and his dad also stayed at home with him over a year, and took care of everything at home, and again stayed another full year with his sister. Of course he also absorbs influences from larger environment but I honestly believe it’s more that life as such has always seemed so overwhelming to him that we have ended up doing a lot of everyday stuff for him (also for our own sake, it’s so tough to monitor every little thing and clean up after him) and he’s gotten used to it. But it’s definitely time for an attitude change, for us and for him.

      1. Did not mean to suggest he sees gendered behaviors from his parents!! But it is a common image on media and in the playground. Happens to girls too in different ways. At 2 one child came home from second day of pre-school with prohibited colors for girls to wear. Took years to overcome that. Needing to ‘ask for help’ on climbing structure mastered two years before from a 5 yr old girl, because at school she was told by classmates that girls had to ask for help in climbing. False sterotypes learned from classmates. Re-enforced by politicians, books, and even in current movies like Moana where the ‘hero’ is a heroine but the male god discounts her over and over. It is really really hard to combat. I am impressed by the stubbornness of parents who keep fighting this battle.

        1. You’re right and I should not have gotten defensive. Day care and school and media are so full of gendered structures.

      2. I think some kids want to be taken care of because it makes them feel safe and some kids are more interested in being independent and doing things themselves. My son is more of the former. I think his unwillingness to put on shoes, etc had emotional roots and maybe is also related to some anxiety about growing up and not being as close to me. And he’s never been that inspired to be independent. He is kind of uncoordinated and I think some tasks are harder for him than for others so it’s easier for him just not to do it. I actually think I was kind of like that too in some respects.

        1. Thanks for this. Wanting to be taken care of perfectly describes my son too. I have been thinking something similar more vaguely, but you nailed it. So thank you 🙂

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