We’re almost half way through NaBloPoMo and I feel like I’m sputtering ahead, posting every night because I promised myself I would, but not moving in any specific direction. I am sticking (EXCLUSIVELY!) to the Five-theme, because at least that adds something cohesive to my efforts, even if only superficially. I feel like I can barely keep my thoughts straight these days, let along get them down on “paper.” I’m sorry, this is not a great look.
Here are some random things I can mange to write about right now.
Photo documentation. In my attempts to not leave looming task to the last minute, I went through all my photos last night, first favoriting them, and then going through the favorites and moving the calendar appropriate photos into a specific folder (let’s be honest, the last step was mostly culling some of the cat photos so mostly humans showed up in the calendar – sadly its mostly for the grandparents or there would mostly cats). As I worked my way through the photos, I was struck by the photographic evidence of my health issues, not just in my varying body sizes throughout the year, but also in the horrific photos I took of my face and eyes to document my skin conditions and Grave’s Disease symptoms to share with my doctors. It was quite the emotional roller coaster, scrolling through photos from January until today. I’m really grateful that I’m feeling so much better now.
Shopping spree me. Speaking of different body sizes, I’ve been on a shopping spree lately. I feel like my style is changing rapidly and I am VERY interested in finding new looks that I love. Weirdly, I have taken to walking into stores (::cough:: Uniqlo ::cough::) and just buying items, many of them AT FULL PRICE. That is not something I do. I buy things on sale. Usually at deep discount. Selecting items from a narrower set of options, or waiting for something else to go on sale, has always been my way of setting boundaries around my spending, which can become excessive. On a recent visit, as I dropped my items into the weird bucket where they are automatically scanned (it’s so weird – have you tried it?!) I literally thought to myself, Who even am I?
Emotional insight. I’m clearly using retail therapy to work through some internal stuff. On Wednesday, after the long car ride with my sobbing daughter, I arrived home to find a clothing order had been taken from our entryway. I was so bummed out. I honestly almost cried myself! Later a neighbor came over and showed me video of the person taking it. (He had been lingering around our house for a while, and the neighbor was watching because it looked suspicious and he was worried). I had actually been trying to console myself with, if only I knew what happened! And seeing it did help (the person who took the order was clearly not well), but my sadness lingered, even though I didn’t need anything in the order urgently. I keep telling myself that I should be thankful that it happened, because it made me very aware of how much I was expecting the purchase to distract me from negative feelings. A stolen clothing order should not be that big of a deal.
{I usually use Black Friday to stock up on essentials, or to buy things we would have gotten anyway, and I need to be VERY careful going into this holiday shopping season to make sure that I’m being honest with myself about what we really need, and what I just want.}
Commenting Conundrums. I still cannot comment on WordPress blogs. I might have actually messed up my wordpress.com account attempting to fix the problem. I am increasingly frustrated by this persistent issue. I am someone who kind of loses her shit when technology gives her trouble, so I either need to fix this ASAP, or abandon my efforts entirely. In the meantime, if you have a wordpress.com blog, I apologize for not being able to comment! I really am trying (and having a tantrum about it too!)
Slog. Things are still feeling like a slog. Everything is, which makes the days very long. Today, when I saw the sink full of dishes, I felt… rage? I was just so annoyed that I had to deal with all that. And it wasn’t even that much! (I mean it looked like a lot, but I knew it wasn’t really as bad as it looked). I put on my earbuds and got it done, but man was I in a bad mood about it initially. I bring that particular example up because it’s a decent encapsulation of where I’m at mentally and emotionally. I’m just super annoyed that I have to the every day tasks that make up life! Not a super productive mindset. I will say that once I get started on something, it’s not that bad. And while working out has been hard to initiate, I have felt better after getting my heart rate up.
It’s 9pm and I just got off the elliptical. I need to do some core work, then shower and get the 12yo to bed (the 15yo and husband are at a concert tonight). I better post this, because I can’t let good be the enemy of done (this should be my new saying) when it comes to NaBloPoMo or I’ll never make it to the end.
I am actually enjoying the five things-theme that many have adopted (at least for some posts) because I feel like it makes it a little easier for the readers to get through so many posts! And sometimes jotting down five things (at the end of the day) feels easier than planning out a complete blog post by itself.
It sounds like you had a bit of a challenging week, but sometimes it just helps to “get it down on paper”. 🙂 Hope you’ll feel much better in the morning!
I’m enjoying it too! It’s the only think making this whole NaBloPoMo attempt feel cohesive. Thank you very much for sharing your idea and your list!
Thank you for writing today! You are much appreciated.
Curious how you would describe you new style and why your style is changing.
I would be VERY upset to have an order stolen from my doorstep. I know very well it happens in my neighborhood. Does anyone know how to tell stores or delivery services what hours to deliver packages? This arrival sometime before 10pm or between 5 and 8 in morning isn’t clever for my world. For your family with traditional work/school hours it has to be tough to get delivery when someone may be there. Anyone with advice please share. Sympathy re the stolen order!
Hope this is good weekend for you and your energy resets.
I would describe my new style as more professional. I used to feel like I was dressed up at work when I wore nice jeans. Now I’m wearing slacks and skirts a lot more, and a jeans day feels like I’m dressing down. Not sure why I’ve been wanting to dress a little fancier lately, maybe it’s just part of being solidly in my mid-40s.
Friend. I’m sorry you are struggling. Could it be luteal phase? I always, always get in the dumps around that week.
Never tried the scanning basket but it wouldn’t be good for me since I like purchasing things, too.
I’m post menopausal and take MHT (Menopausal hormone therapy) so I don’t think it can be luteal phase related? However, I did stop taking Estrotone, a (not-estrogen) supplement that really helped my mood when I was in perimenopause, but that I assumed I could stop taking once I was on MHT, and now I’m wondering if that might have something to do with it. It’s not a cheap supplement, but if it makes me feel better than this, it’s worth it.
I had a rough week too. Lots of downer feelings and not for any real reason! I hope the clothes work out – I stoped buying on sale many years ago when i realized that the clothing that just hung in my closet with 0 wears was ALL clearance/sale that “almost fit” or “almost worked” and was “such a good deal.”
one piece at 5x price that I wear 10x as much is a way better deal. (but admittedly I am someone who does NOT have a lot of clothing and sometimes it backfires bc i’m staring at a nearly empty closet trying to figure out what to wear or take on a trip.)
I definitely have had some sale misses for sure. I recently “splurged” on full price wide toe box, zero drop flats, and I’m so glad I did. My feet need the love and online shoe shopping is precarious. And I agree with you that one piece you wear a lot is always worth it, even if you spend way more on it. Hopefully that will be the case with the new “full price” clothing I got.
Oh, that sucks to have something stolen like that! We’ve never had that happen, which is surprising- I would actually think it would happen more often. Glad you were able to reframe it into a learning opportunity- but honestly, we all need some retail therapy at times.
I’m currently doing one of my favorite weekend activities- watching football alone while eating Chipotle. Yes- I’m lazy and anti-social, and I don’t care!
Do you ever engage in retail therapy? I feel like you don’t write about that much. You’re so good at enjoying an earl grey tea and whatever you are reading. I love that.
I started a comment here yesterday afternoon, but didn’t get it done (on my phone) before the family therapy appointment started. I cannot work out that late. No way. I’ve gotta do it early or it doesn’t happen.
I’m furious on your behalf about the stolen package. What on earth? That’s never happened to me, and I would be so upset. It’s terrible that that happens.
The slog feeling is the pits. I hope yours lifts soon. Typically when that happens to me, it’s only for a day or two. I dislike the feeling that things are pointless and no matter how much I do, there’s still just so much more to do. blah.
I think it’s lifting. I felt better today. Having just one week of work before Thanksgiving Break is probably helping. 😉