So here is the post where I declare that so far, 2026 has been giving… failure. I really have, for the past two weeks, felt like I have been failing. It’s not a great way to feel! It’s also pretty much an entirely self-imposed feeling, which means I should really take responsibility for my feelings of failure, which is kind of just another way of… failing, right?
But seriously, I’m frustrated with myself for all the the things I WANT to do, that are not getting done. Why can I not get my shit together? This is not how I want to start the year.
I do think the one thing I am better at is perspective. Which means that I don’t let this kind of stuff bother me as much. Which is good! Not meeting self-imposed goals is a fine thing to cut myself slack over! Spiraling about it is probably not going to help.
And yet… if I’m better at giving myself a pass, it’s harder to generate the urgency that drums up the stress that eventually spurs action.
I’m trying to look on the bright side. One silver lining is that failing to meet goals before I have even publicly articulated them is prompting me to reassess those goals. Why did I make them in the first place? What was their greater purpose? Is that still something I want to strive for? If I’m already failing at these goals can I change them to make them more manageable? Is the greater aim attainable via some other path? I don’t have all the answers to these yet, but asking these questions is a valuable exercise.
Goal setting and planning are NOT strengths of mine. My ADHD mind does not embrace either. It is not to say that I don’t accomplish enough. I clearly have systems in place that allow me to function at a level that many would consider “high.” I feel like Rachel in Wales described it perfectly in her recent post.
I’ve long realized that one of the problems with my current way of managing the million spinning plates is that it is highly dependant on my own steady state of productivity and emotional resilience. I am good at dropping balls and picking up balls and tossing balls and keeping things moving in the right direction while remembering that we need to add tunafish to the grocery order and also it’s library day tomorrow…
I have to admit, I felt so very, very seen reading that.
I am good at accomplishing what is immediately in front of me. I’m good at looking about a week out and having a game plan for the coming days. Longer term planning, not so much. Lofty, multi-step goals? Fuggetaboutit. I am a reactive planner for the most part. I don’t do long term. I definitely don’t do lofty.
And honestly, as I’ve ponder what some longer term goals might be I’ve wondered if I lack… ambition? All my work goals so far are streamlining processes that will make next year easier. Ditto many of my personal goals. The few loftier goals I considered are the ones I’m abjectly failing so far. Will making those goals just be setting myself up for more failure? (See questions posed in paragraph five: silver linings).
These are not new thoughts for me. I’ve had them before. There is a reason I stopped even pretending to think up new years resolutions. It helps that I’m a teacher so my real new year starts in August. But there were years when I rode the resolutions wave of new years energy of those around me. My lack of inspiration (ambition?) led me to stop doing even that.
But I do think my life would be better if I approached it with more intention. I hate the idea of “decision through indecision,” when you make a choice basically by failing to make any choice at all. When you choose your path because you didn’t take the time to consider what other paths might be possible. I’m doing that now. And if allows for the very real possibility that in five or ten years I will lament where I end up because of all that indecision, by letting the current of my life push me down one river, without taking into account all the tributaries that might lead elsewhere.
All that to say, I don’t want to give up. Even though it’s January 14th and I still haven’t posted my 2025 recap, let alone articulated any of my 2026 goals yet. And the 16th is my mom’s birthday and I haven’t solidified plans with her, let alone bought her a gift. (One of my goals is to show up for my parents’ special days without my old, unhelpful, baggage).
This is me, a week after my crash out, and no closer to marking off tasks that have been languishing on my to-do lists for over two weeks now, declaring to myself, and the few people who read this blog – THANK YOU! – that I am not giving up! Maybe the 2025 recap will go up in February. Maybe the 2026 goals will be finalized in March. But I will keep trying!
I will keep holding myself accountable, even if it means giving myself opportunities to fail.
{Wow, I honestly didn’t think this post would end like this, but I’m pleasantly surprised…}
Thank you for this post. It reminds me of my own past. And you are about the age where I had similar thought.
SO: What is your current hormonal situation. Because mine was an irregular cycle of sepia to full color and I had to learn both stages had distortions and when it was full color there was the horror of knowing sepia was coming again. I think you have some distortions going on. You achieve an enormous amount the vast majority of the time, way more than average. Think of your Death Valley trip as example.
You do think long term about your job and what you want to teach when etc. And your current goal re your job has involved simplifying, streamlining, maximizing and you have been doing that for quite some time with real results.
Lofty goals are not superior goals. And in some periods of life cycles are not appropriate. I rather suspect with your family’s ages getting without catastrophe to the end of the school year is QUITE a BIG goal. That you even consider a ten year goal occasionally is impressive, but the end of the school year needs to be your focus right now.
You are judging yourself against what you see in the lives of others, that is idealized~ not what they actually see in their own lives. QUIT that. It is unfair to you and unhealthy.
Right now there is so much uncertainty about what goals for the next 5-10 years could be that really even getting all 4 of your family (7 if count pets) alive and healthy/not physically or mentally impaired that far is a huge goal. And so far you have done magnificently towards that for the last …. say 15 years. Give yourself credit. And track your hormonal changes. The swings can get wider and deeper, change is happening and it is not a smooth path. The old saying about walking…. if it feels like hell right now keep walking til it changes. ANYWAY, YOU ARE KEEPING WALKING. Congratulations. It is hard. HUGE hugs!!!!!
Do I still have hormonal shifts if I’m taking HRT? This is a real question that I don’t know the answer to. I guess I assumed that I do not, because the patch/pills keep my estrogen/progesterone levels constant. But maybe I still do?
As always, I appreciate your validation. Thank you!
Your body may be changing how much hormone it naturally supplies so the HRT quantity MAY be giving you a set amount but I think (and may be wrong) the amount your body produces may be changing maning the total amount of hormone would vary. BUT!!! I may be wrong, ask your doctor how that works.
And believe me what is not shared about highly senior women’s bodily changes makes this menopausal lack of info look like full disclosure. Do you know the symptoms of UTI are different at senior ages than at say 25. And the symptoms vary a great deal from woman to woman. BE aware because as a senior UTI’s are dangerous and often are seen in nursing homes as loss of cognitive abilities……
Just reading your blog the last few months, it seems like you already do and accomplish a lot! Adding in a lot of long-term goals seems like a lot. Also, you alluded to this in your post, but it seems like summer might be a more natural time to do goal-setting/big picture thinking since your work life will be slower and it would be a natural reflection point before the new school year starts. Maybe you could experiment with some of your goals now, and then reassess them in the summer/new school year if any of them still resonate when you have more bandwidth?
That was my plan, to write some goals and then do a check in and possible revamp in the summer, especially on goals that align more naturally to the school year. Even many of my personal goals align that way because my kids are still in school. It’s definitely a good idea. Thanks!
January is a terrible time for teachers to set new goals! I feel like most of our energy levels are very low this month. Maybe give yourself grace to explore goal areas but not really set goals until another month when you are ready for a fresh start.
Yeah, you’re not wrong. I probably should take that more into account. Thank you for the reminder. 😉
I relate to this. I’m all about getting things done – things on my to do list. I do not set yearly goals. Doing what I need to do and working and feeding my people is enough. Do I want my closet to get cleaned out? Would I like us to schedule more date nights with other couples? Yep. But I try to work those things in when I have the time. I vote you give yourself a break. You work full time and have two kids.
All fair points. I will take your vote under consideration. 😉
I agree with Eenie above – give yourself a break. Stop worrying about setting goals. You successfully do lots all year round. You achieve lots every week, every month, forget about long term goals for now. Why put more pressure on yourself it’s not necessary. You are doing more than enough.
Also I have followed your excellent blog for years but no longer get emails notifying me when you post ( haven’t for many months ) and I can’t see anyway to resubscribe?Will the ‘Notify me of new posts by email’ check box on the comments section solve the problem? Thanks
Huh. I have no idea why you would stop getting emails about my posts. I still get them… (I signed up to make sure it was working right). But honestly I don’t even remember how I set it up to get them. I’m the WORST at this kind of stuff. Let me talk to my IT support (aka husband) and I will let you know ASAP.
Also, thanks for reading all this time. ::blushes::
I read something recently about how it makes no sense that we try to set goals in the dark of winter (for the Northern Hemisphere at least) and how the spring solstice makes way more sense for our bodies and brains. This isn’t the exact article I read, but I googled and this one was similar. Something to think about!
https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/new-years-resolutions-spring?srsltid=AfmBOooZf9dUuAleufrb4Q3HXvpJL5cAzXRYNZEiIkZv8L-pMkA_6Pcs
I can relate to a lot of what you said, Noemi. I am kind of an indecisive person and often feel like I let things “happen to me” instead of actively deciding which direction I want to go.
I feel it’s easier to just plan fo the week ahead than try to come up with a 5-year of 10-year plan. So much can happen between now and then.
I think the only thing we can do is push forward and take life as it comes and maybe, just maybe, ponder the future. I think the hardest part of lofty long-term goals is breaking it down into actionable items. Shu’s book “Best Laid Plans” had some interesting thoughts on that which I am pondering.
I get emails of your posts, which I enjoy but also means I often read there and forget to comment. Sigh.
I am like you, and Rachel, I remember a ton of details that keep the place going. But long term goals? No. I think I’ve always been afraid to make them because if I don’t have a specific goal, I can’t fail at it, right? But you’re right, we should try to hold ourselves accountable, and look at failure as an opportunity to adjust our expectations rather than a judgement. So if my plan is to set aside $5,000 in a vacation fund, and I am only able to set aside $3,200, that is not really a failure. I mean, at least the $3,200 is there, right?
Well- as I just read on Diane’s blog, “Failure is data.” Maybe you do need to reassess why you have some of these goals in the first place! Having said that… it is EARLY in the year! Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack. You also haven’t been feeling well, so it’s unrealistic to imagine that you’ll be nailing all your goals. I’m almost a week late in commenting here so maybe (hopefully!) you’re feeling better now.
BTW about the crashing out post- I don’t consider myself to be vain, but I do get VERY self conscious about anything weird going on with my face! We’ve discussed the rosacea issue before. I mean… if you have something like you’re describing, it does really suck because you’re aware that people are noticing it (as opposed to having a rash on your leg or back). I hope you get this straightened out… it does sound challenging.
Anyway… hope you’re feeling a little better by now.