Not a Wasted Word

I submitted my application yesterday afternoon.

My principal friend recommended I wait until Monday in the hopes that my former principal would pull through with the letter of rec (just as you all did). She also gave me a few notes on my cover letter, so I made those changes.

Surprisingly, my former principal responded to a text I sent Sunday afternoon, saying he’d get me the letter Monday morning. I finally received it at 2pm, and immediately submitted my application.

It feels good to have it done.

I know I probably won’t even get an interview, but I’m proud of myself for finally applying. That is a big step, one I’ve avoided for years.

I looked online to see if/when one should follow up on an application submission. Of course the advice was totally contradictory. One article said to follow up with a phone call 48-72 hours later. Another suggested something less intrusive (like an email) after about a week. One was vehemently opposed to any kind of follow up. The only advice I’m sure I’ll follow is to check my spam folder regularly, in case any kind of response ends up there.

In the meantime, I have plenty to focus on at home. Today I cleaned out the garage, which desperately needed it. Tomorrow I plan on hitting up Cost.co (so excited to go on a week day morning!) and looking for a new bathing suit (ugh!). I plan on KonMari-ing all the junk in my house, which should be interesting. I’m going to take a giant bag and just dump any miscellaneous shit from drawers, counter tops, and random receptacles and dump it all on the floor of the living room. Hopefully, a couple hours later most of it will be in the trash. Also, my mother has requested I go through the last of my boxes at her house and for some reason is adamant I do that this week, so that fun task is on the docket. I might have jury duty (I have to recheck every afternoon for a week), which is an ever present source of anxiety. And of course I need to pack for our two weeks in St. Louis. Yes, there will be plenty to keep me occupied, and hopefully by the time we get back from our trip, I’ll have forgotten I even applied for a job.

I think right now I’m balancing the tension well, delicately maintaining the scales between hoping I get it enough to maintain the conviction necessary to accept the pay cut and take the job, if it’s offered, and not wanting it so much that I’ll be devastated when I have to return to my horrible job this fall. The reality is I’ll be devastated at my old job no matter what this year, I don’t need to disappointed of not getting this job to magnify it.

It’s definitely easier now that the hard work is done, and I don’t need to glorify the position to keep myself motivated enough to push through the torture that is writing and rewriting a cover letter. Now I can let it all fall into the background, and watch to see how long it take the small floating candle of hope to extinguish.

I’m guessing it’s got three to four weeks.

This week I begin my summer break. On Thursday I will officially be done with the 2014-15 school year. I swear it can’t come soon enough.

Last week was pretty rough. On Monday, after the insanity that was my daughter’s birthday party, I finally had a moment to breathe. My body recognized that the situation was no longer dire and promptly dropped all defenses against the cold that was evidently waiting in the wings. By Monday night my throat seared with pain; I can’t remember my throat ever hurting that bad. During the kids’ bedtime routines I was hot, lightheaded, shivering and riddled with body aches. At 9pm I walked out of my daughter’s room, told my husband (who had been on a conference call) that he would have to clean the house himself, and passed out.

I had to go to work on Tuesday because I’m out of days and didn’t want to get docked pay. We had a staff meeting, which only lengthened the torture. Then it was my daughter’s family celebration at our house (Tuesday was her actual birthday), which thankfully didn’t last too long. Tuesday night I was asleep by 9:30pm.

I slowly started feeling better by the end of the week. I haven’t been that sick in a really long time. I’m not surprised it happened. I’m prone to being taken out by some virus after a couple weeks of steady stress. The whole ordeal was entirely predictable.

Friday at work was a total shit show. Being stuck between two administrators who are leaving this year and truly DON’T GIVE A FUCK, and one who can’t possibly be on top of everything at two schools (and isn’t really being offered the opportunity at ours) is a shitty place to be. The 6th grade foreign language situation is a shit show and my dual-campus schedule is a cluster fuck. I’m supposed to meet with the new principal of the other middle school this Wednesday, even though as it stands now, I can’t actually work at both schools because on one day there is a 35 minute overlap in my schedule. How much you want to bet the issue still isn’t resolved by the time we meet?

So much at work is still up in the air. I’m working hard at accepting the uncertainty, but I’m extremely stressed out. Next year is going to be unpleasant on so many levels–I so wish I’d looked for a new job when there were more openings. I check edJoin every day, but there are no full time Spanish positions in the area. I’ll most likely have to live through this shit in my district next year and hope like hell I can find a new job for 2017-18. Oh how I hope I can find a new job.

But it’s not all bad. Summer is about to begin. And it’s not the only thing that’s starting. Yesterday I started training for my half-marathon. For the next month and a half I’ll be running four times a week instead of exercising for three. I haven’t been off the elliptical for that long since we got it! I’m excited, and a little anxious, to start upping my mileage. I’m also very thankful that both kids will be in daycare/camp for part of the week days so it will be easier to schedule runs.

I’m also embarking on a bit of a personal writing project. It will take place offline and I doubt I’ll be sharing much of it here, but I’m eager to see where it will take me.

And so this week, many things begin. All of them positive. I’m so ready to get out from under the weight that is work right now, and enjoy some much needed time in the sun.

We survived the party. As always seems to be the case, I spent the whole time running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I hardly got to exchange two words with each guest, but I’ve been told people had a great time.

The bouncy house arrived late but we had scheduled it to come early, so that was okay. The sun was shining until the minute the party started, when the wind and fog rolled in. Some woman went around collecting the little envelopes from my scavenger hunt (WHY?!) but I was able to re-hide most of them before the kids realized.

My husband has told me many times that it was a success. My daughter enjoyed herself. I suppose we can call it a win.

All told my daughter did a great job. She remained fixated on presents, but with gentle (and sometimes stern) reminders she stopped asking after them. She was constantly wanting the party could be over so she could just go home and focus on the presents, and in the end she left with my husband before some of her friends because the waiting was just too much. That happened after the end time written on the invitation so technically she made it.

She was excited about everything she received. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t a bunch of plastic junk (Barbies, Littlest Pet Shops, etc). It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I’m still glad it’s over.

Now we just have to clean up the house for grandparents to come this Tuesday, which is her actual birthday. Grades are due Friday, but I’m not too behind on those. Waking up this morning, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted.

There is still much to do, but the party is over and that was causing me a fair amount of stress; hosting large amounts of people is not my forte. Now that it’s done, I can focus on the week and a half left of school, and what I hope to accomplish before St. Louis.

It finally feels like summer is around the corner.

{A big thank you to everyone who reached out on my last post. I was really struggling last week. I quickly regretted putting that out there, as I hate for a post to be nothing more than a stress vent, but what’s done is done and I can’t take it back. I hope someday I learn that publishing posts like that only adds to the stress in the world, and that a strategic email to a good friend is probably a better place for thoughts like those. I do think I’ll learn that someday, but the lesson will require more mistakes like Friday’s. I endeavor to be patient with myself along the way.}