Home/Identity/Parenting & Family

Long Days

Posted on by noemikjames / 22 Comments

The second week of summer is almost done.

It’s not been what I had hoped.

It is exactly what I expected.

I am reminded, yet again, that I would be a terrible stay at home mom. I think it’s hard to be thrust into the home-all-day existence when you’re used to working full time; you don’t have a rhythm or a routine and by the time you finally get them, it’s time to go back to work. But even taking that into consideration, I recognize that being at home with my kids is not my thing. I’m just not very good at it.

Plus it makes me crazy.

It doesn’t help that they are both at really challenging developmental stages right now. And their wider age gap means it’s hard to find something that they can both authentically engage in. We do a lot of tickling in big heaps on the floor, but even I don’t have the stamina for enough of that to fill the never-ending hours.

Each of them separately is a whirlwind. Together they are a hurricane, laying wasted to even my most well prepared plans.

I’m really struggling. With all of it. I’m drowning in the stuff. I look around and have visions of it consuming me. Under all that stuff is filth. Every moment with both of them is pure chaos and I’m at the center triaging. There are no quiet moments of creativity or inspiration, only screaming, toys flying through the air, accusations hurled, complaints filed, personal safety threatened, hitting, scratching, throwing of bodies on the floor, slamming of heads against stuff that’s hard.

There are definitely moments when I think there is something wrong with me, as a mother. I just can’t fathom other moms are as ineffectual as I am. Are having days like these.

I’m hoping next week will be better. I’m trying to simplify, to postpone the errand that (feels like it) needs to be done, to serve cereal for dinner when preparing dinner feels impossible, to just getting down on the floor with them even though the floor is totally disgusting.

At the end of the day I’m exhausted and nothing gets done. Then I wake up and do it all over again.

I knew this transition would be hard. I tried to prepare myself for it. And I suppose I did. I’m definitely not surprised. I just wish I were better, you know? Better equipped. Better able to manage it all..and with a better attitude. I was trying to take less of my medicine since I’m not at work but I’m upping it again. I need all the reinforcements I can get.

To those of you who stay home with your kids every day, my hat is off to you. It is a really hard job. I know (now, and always) I couldn’t do it.

Life/Minimalism

Garage Sale Questions

Posted on by noemikjames / 9 Comments

I have never held a garage sale. I helped with a friend or family member’s garage sale. I don’t know if I’ve even ever been to one ever. Basically, I could not know less about garage sales.

I keep waffling on this idea of trying to sell some of our stuff at a garage sale. One big concern is that we don’t actually have enough stuff to sell–I’m actually worried that people will show up and feel disappointed or misled by what I have available. Is this ridiculous? It’s a very real fear.

I oscillate between worrying that no one will show up and fearing there will be so many people that I won’t be able to keep up when I’m out there by myself (there is no scenario where I can have help, so I have to be the only one out there). Finally, I doubt that whatever money we might make is worth the considerable time and effort required to throw this thing. In order to actually have this garage sale I have to do some major working making my garage look presentable (the sidewalk in front of my house it too small to have much out there so much of it will have to be in my actual garage). I have to collect all the stuff, sort it in some meaningful way and decide how much to ask for everything. I also have to make fliers, hang them, and take them down. Oh and I have to get change at the bank, which at our local branch is a 30 minute endeavor. So yeah, it’s a lot of work and will require a lot of hours, and it might not provide much of a return. But then the idea of making a little something for all this stuff feels nice… I’m just not sure what to do.

I really don’t know if anyone would come. I’ve never seen a sign for a garage sale in our neighborhood, nor have I happened by one. Not in three years of living here. They just don’t seem to be a thing. Maybe no one will come by at all. And what if I put it on Craigslist and people come from far away and they think all I have is a couple random boxes of worthless shit. Ugh. Where are all these feelings coming from?

Okay, let’s just assume I am going to put this thing on. Can those of you who have done this before answer me a few questions? I feel super clueless about all this and would really appreciate any insight you can give.

How should I advertise? Fliers? Craigslist? Something else? (If I put it on Craigslist do I post pictures of the good stuff? I’ve seen that a lot.)

My husband is out of town and I will be driving my son over to my in-laws before the start time of 9am. Everyone says people will come earlier. Will it be okay if I’m not there until right before I want to start (probably I’ll be back around 8:30am)? Any suggestions on how to handle this hiccup?

Also I only have until between 9am and 1pm to do this thing. Is it even worth it?

How much change do I get from the bank? Is $100 in ones enough?

How much do I charge for things? Do I just put stuff in boxes with a price listed on the box? Do I do stuff like, $3 each or 4 for $10 or just stick with $3 each? Some suggested those colored stickers and I liked that idea…)

Ugh, I feel so overwhelmed. And yet… I have so many DVDs and kid’s books and toys and stuffed animals (really, really nice stuffed animals) that I would otherwise just be donating. It seems like I should at least try to get some cash for them. And I do have more time than usual right now, because it’s summer break. I think I am going to try it. Worst case scenario it will be a learning experience. Best case I will make a couple of benjamins. That would be nice.

So lay it on me. Anything and everything you want to tell me about garage sales. I’m all ears. (And thank you Polly for the garage sale advice you already gave me. It was super helpful!)

Life

Some Random Thoughts on a Sunday Night

Posted on by noemikjames / 3 Comments

These days. They feel long. Really long. And then I remembered, today is the longest day of the year. While I’m always sad to see the daylight go, I could use some less long days.

I asked our therapist for suggestions on how to respond to aggression from my daughter, but first she wanted to know what I have been doing in those types of situations and of course it was hard to put it into words. I couldn’t quite remember, even though it happens all the time. I block a lot of this stuff out. Then yesterday there was a spectacular opportunity to be reminded and so I paid careful attention. After I put up my first budget post, I wrote her a long email. It was hard. I cried a lot. Writing it out… hurt. But I did it. And I sent it. And all I can do is hope it helps.

I finished All Your Worth. There wasn’t really a section on living in places where prices are higher. There also wasn’t anything about pensions, which frustrates me because I have no idea how I should view my pension, especially since I’m not also contributing to social security. I did appreciate the book very much and it has definitely helped me to understand how to get started with a savings plan. I’ll let you know as I take some of the first steps this summer.

I want to write a post explaining the exact purpose of my budget posts along with my goals for the summer, the rest of the year and the more ambiguous “future.” I want to make sure I’ve made it really clear to myself, and everyone I’ve asked to help me hold myself accountably, what I’m actually trying to accomplish so that I’ll know if I’ve succeeded come mid-August (and beyond).

My dad helped me get the bike all set up today and I took my soon out on our maiden ride. (My parents had that helmet I was looking for! Yay!) We went to Safeway to get a few things I needed for my daughter’s lunch at camp. The ride was awesome. He loved it almost as much as I did. I can’t wait for my daughter’s seat to come, but I appreciate having some time to get comfortable riding with my son up front before I have all the weight on the back. It’s going to be absolutely nuts riding with both of them. I DEFINITELY need a double kickstand. I’m shopping around.

Sorry it’s taking me so long to respond to comments these days. I’m realizing I need to wake up an hour earlier than everyone else if I want some time to this kind of stuff done–I’m just too tired at the end of my most days. I did wake up early and used the elliptical for the first time today. I realize I need a good fan to blow on me because I can’t open the windows (like I usually do) when my husband’s still sleeping. Luckily my parents have one I can borrow at least for a few weeks while they are away in Italy.

This week should be a lot more low key than last week. At least I hope it will be. Only time will tell.

And because the bike ride was really, really fun, here are a few (heavily filtered) pictures to commemorate the occasion.

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Financial Security

Help Me with Accountability, Week 1

Posted on by noemikjames / 17 Comments

So, I’m feeling a lot of emotions about putting this out there, for a number of reasons. Today was a really bad day, and I’m already emotionally spent, which makes writing about this even harder. But I know I won’t have time tomorrow and I made a promise to myself, and all of you, so I’m going to put it out there, for better or worse.

I do want to preface this week’s spending by explaining that this was my one week of the summer to be productive. My daughter was still in full time childcare and I had more time this week to GET THINGS DONE than I will any week coming up. Knowing this, I did most/all of the purchasing for my backyard project this week. You may remember when I announced my spending freeze that I was still green lighting some work in the backyard because I haven’t been down there, let alone spent any money on it, in almost two years. It really needed a little work, and I’m allowing myself to spend $400 back there to get some of the work done. I spent a good portion of that $400 this week.

Also, my father is leaving for a three week trip to Europe on Monday and he is my go-to bike person, so if I had waited on bike stuff I wouldn’t have had him around to help me with it until well into July.

As the above paragraph suggests, I did decide to move forward with the bike. After obsessively researching ways to get around with two kids on two (or more) wheels, I decided a cargo bike would be ideal. (I don’t feel comfortable with a trailer on city streets–they are too wide to tow in traffic.) Then I obsessively researched cargo bikes and realized I could never afford one. I was able to compromise when I found a seat that can accommodate a child over 5 years old on a rack on the back of a bike and a seat that can hold a child up to 33lbs for the front of a bike. My family already has a hybrid bike that would work well enough so I just needed to get the seats. The seat big enough for a child my daughter’s age and size was hard to find and I knew I’d never find it used (I could only find one company in all of California that even carries it) so I bought that new for $280 all told. I found a brand-new-still-in-the-box front seat “used” on Craigslist for $100 (about $75) less than I would have paid retail (the two other used front seaters listed were already sold by the time I emailed).

The bike project so far has cost me $380. I will probably also need to get a double kickstand installed and I can’t seem to find my daughter’s old helmet anywhere for my son to use, so a little more money will be spent, but I’m going to look for the helmet used (or see if a friend has one to give/lend me) and the kickstand won’t be much. I think all told it will be just a little over $400.

My plan is to get comfortable riding the bike and see if my kids are into it. If we all love it I might think about upgrading in a year, when my son outgrows the front seat and we’ll need a whole new set up (which will probably require a new bike). I think $400 is a reasonable amount to spend on trying this (especially after looking at so many cargo bikes going for $2,500-$6,500 dollars) and I can always sell the seats used when we move on from this configuration to make back some of what I spent.

As for the yard, I’m putting down landscaping fabric on one side and then covering it with pebbles that my parents are giving me (I’ll be scooping them out of their side yard, filling bags with them, and bringing them to my house) then planting a few succulents from a failed gardening project at work in that space. (People kept stealing plants from a cool vertical garden I made out of my old art tubs so I finally stopped replanting them–the few that remained got pretty big so I’ll be moving them to my backyard.) I also realized that I just can’t keep up with weeding of the big square in the middle of my yard (plus we can’t water anything right now anyway) so I bought more flagstones to place around the seven big stones I placed two years ago. I’m not going to plant any ground cover between them this year–both to save money and water–so it will be pretty ugly until next year when I can invest more in the project, but at least there won’t be as much soil available for ALL THE WEEDS to grow in.

So, as you look over my spending please keep in mind that this week contains some financial investments I’m making in my life and home over the summer, and is not representative of my spending moving forward. I think next week will be a much better indicator of where my money will be going over the next seven weeks. (And yes, I know I need to work on not eating out so much. Baby steps.)

6/13/2015 Tax on Consignment Purchase (for birthday present $1.29
6/13/2015 Piroshki’s for lunch (son and I) $10.50
6/13/2015 Dinner with Chelsey $47.30
6/14/2015 Laughing Squid (old website hosting–NEED TO CANCEL!) $12.00
6/14/2015 Groceries (Trader Joes) $186.93
6/14/2015 Office Max (Ink for printer, page protectors) $81.51
6/15/2015 Big Kid Bike Seat (New) $281.84
6/15/2015 Gas $50.00
6/15/2015 Landscaping Fabric, pins, yard waste bags $40.76
6/16/2015 Flagstones for yard $238.05
6/16/2015 Sand for the sandbox (my mom gave me) $34.87
6/16/2015 Honey (promised PB+honey sandwiches) $4.65
6/16/2015 Pretzels at park $7.00
6/16/2015 PCIT appointment $150.00
6/17/2015 Baby Bike Seat (Used on Craigslist) $100.00
6/17/2015 20 tickets at Pixieland + 12 tokens + 2 pretzles $35.72
6/17/2015 Bay Bridge toll $5.00
6/17/2015 Inside Out Tickets on Fandango (for 3 people) $31.00
6/18/2015 BART to and from downtown $3.60
6/18/2015 Contribution to pizza dinner with friends $10.00
6/18/2015 Bus to dinner with friends $2.25
6/19/2015 Sandwiches for lunch with mom and sister (+ tip) $20.00
6/19/2015 Mandatory swim cap at daughter’s first swim lesson $8.16
6/19/2015 Rice Crispy Treat reward at first swim lesson $1.00
Financial Security

Well, that explains it! (a.k.a. How did I not know?)

Posted on by noemikjames / 51 Comments

NicoleandMaggie recommended All Your Worth for my financial woes and it became available at the library this week. I’m only three chapters in but I think I can safely say that the premise is to create financial security by balancing your money. In what reminds me of the Zone Diet, their recommended spending 50% of what you make on Must-Haves, 30% on Wants and 20% on Savings.

Right away they help you calculate what percentage of your monthly take-home you’re spending on Must-Haves. These are your necessities, the things you’d have to pay even if you lost a job or were suddenly put on disability. This does not include anything you could cancel if need be (like cable) or anything you can live without (basically all spending except the bare minimum on food–they suggested inputting $650 for a family of four). It’s your mortgage or rent, your insurance premiums, your transportation costs, your required debt repayment. It’s the stuff you have to pay lest someone come knocking.

I filled in the worksheet and did the basic and math and was shocked to find that just over 75% of what we make goes to the basic foundation of our lives. That includes $650 on food, which is way less than we actually spend every month. Immediately it became clear why we have nothing left to put away each month. We’re using almost all of it just to get by.

I don’t know why I was so shocked by this. I knew we cut it close every month. Back when I was paying for our health insurance, the $2,500 premium was putting us over. We had nothing left. We racked up $10,000 in debt the year our son was born because I was part time, I took three months off (mostly unpaid) and my husband’s insurance coverage at work kicked in six months after we were promised it would.

I guess it’s just seeing it in black and white, and realizing how far we are from the 50%-30%-20% ideal they suggest. There is no way we’re ever going to bring our monthly “must-haves” down 25%, not without selling our house, leaving our jobs and moving very, very far from our family, probably to an entirely different state.

There are suggestions for ways to bring down your “must-haves” but we already collect rent on a portion of our house we don’t live in (and it’s clear to me now we will NEVER be able to move into that space like I once hoped). Our insurance premiums are very reasonable. I guess we could ask to lower our required student loan payments, but it doesn’t make a huge difference as we only have to put $500 (of $7,350) toward them every month. I am going to investigate refinancing our mortgage at a better rate but we’re already at 3.25% and I doubt even the increased value of our house (real estate in our neighborhood is crazy right now) would help us get better than that (rates seem to be 4% right now for 30 year mortgages).

So where does that leave us? I’m not sure. I know we can make small changes to start putting a little more away, but it’s never going to be anywhere near 20%. And this is after I read we should be putting 20% away into our retirement! Right now we’re putting almost nothing toward retirement (except what we contribute to our pensions) let alone saving for a rainy day.

This is sobering news. While it’s validating to know we haven’t been squandering some massive percentage of what we make on things we don’t need, it’s upsetting to think that we can’t do much to spend a smaller percentage on necessities.

In three years things will be better. My district is getting a 9% raise over three years which will mean I’m making about $800 more a month (before taxes). I can just plan to put more into my 403b as my salary goes up (1.5% every six months for three years) so that I never even see an increase in what I take home while putting away a larger percentage toward retirement. In three years we won’t have a $1,500/month childcare payment (assuming I can get my son into a T-K or preschool program through the district the year before he starts Kindergarten) which will bring our “must-haves” percentage to 60% if everything else stays the same. I’ll also be done paying off my student loans. My husband will step up on his salary schedule at least once in that time, which will add another $5,000 annually. We’ll definitely be in a much better place, and if we can learn to live on less now we’ll be able to save even more when later we’re making more.

So there is hope, but that light is a few years away at least. And it’s sobering to realize we won’t be making significantly more money anytime in the future. We’re both very close to our salary ceilings. There isn’t much farther up for either of us to go.

In the meantime I want to make small changes toward saving, even if we have to live on a tight budget to do it. I’m really sad to see my dream of moving into our downstairs unit evaporate in the roaring flames of our (disaster of a) financial reality, but we’ll make it work. (Oh second bathroom, I’m so sad to see the dream of you go). We chose to live in this city for a lot of reasons and we’ll have to keep reminding ourselves of those reasons as we make these hard choices. We could leave (in theory) but we choose not to. And if that is our choice, we need to figure out how to become financially secure while we stay.

Do you have any idea what percentage of your spending in dedicated to “must-haves?” Do you think you’re anywhere close to the 50-30-20 ideal?

{My first weekly spending post will go up this weekend, even if it happens late Sunday night. Thank you for all your thoughts on the bike idea. I will discuss my decision on my first weekly budget post.}

Life

I’d say a 3

Posted on by noemikjames / 12 Comments

My prescription ran out and there were no more authorized refills so the pharmacy had to contact my psychiatrist and since it’s been ages since I’ve been in for a proper visit, my psychiatrist’s office had to contact me.

When she asked me on a scale of 1 to 10–ten being the worst–how I would rate my symptoms of depression I was surprised to find myself answering with “I’d say a 3.”

My depression really is under control right now. Most of the time I feel downright content. It’s a unfamiliar place for me be, but I’m enjoying it. I feel very grateful that I’ve round a medication that works well for me. It only took ten years and numerous prescriptions, but it was worth the wait.

This coming week is my daughter’s last week in preschool. I’m feelingly strangely nostalgic about it. She’s been there for three years and it’s almost unimaginable that we won’t be returning with her after Friday.

{Of course we will be returning with our son when he turns two in October, so I don’t have to get too sad about leaving. We’ll be back.}

I’m looking forward to this week as it’s the only one where I’ll have my son’s nap time to myself. I have a lot planned, more than I could ever get done in five two-hour time slots. We’ll see what I actually accomplish.

I’m planning on having a garage sale on Saturday morning to see if I can get a little cash for our DVDs and kids’ books and toys. Some of what I hope to accomplish this week is making and distributing signs around the neighborhood and gathering and organizing everything I hope to sell. This is my first garage sale rodeo so if you have any suggestions please send them my way. I officially have no idea what I’m doing.

Tuesday is our first appointment with the PCIT therapist. I’m nervous about what she’ll say but also eager for help. I hope it’s worth the (considerable) cost.

My husband and I moved the elliptical machine from my son’s room to ours over the weekend. The thing easily weighs a couple hundred pounds and moving it was a major pain in the ass–my lower back is NOT happy about the effort exerted–but it fits really nicely on my side of the bed (much better than I expected) and I’m really excited that I can use it early in the mornings or late at night now. It’s a whole new world of exercise availability.

I’m researching a bike configuration that will let me get to and fro with both my kiddos. I know I just started a spending freeze but I’m trying to get everything used to keep costs down. Being able to bike to my daughter’s camps would be ideal–the location is too far to walk and the parking in that area is horrible. It would also be very helpful once my son starts preschool/daycare as they are moving to a site with impossible street parking and only four designated spots. It’s going to be a disaster picking up starting in October. Really, I’d love to grab groceries and run errands in my neighborhood without my car–I envisions many opportunities to bike instead of drive. I’m curious if you all think this is going against my spending freeze. I was thinking more along the lines of clothes/shoes/books/toys but maybe I’m just making excuses for myself? What are your thoughts?

By the time you all have read this I’ll have woken up at around 7am instead of 5am for the first weekday this summer and for that I will be very grateful. Those extra two hours of sleep are my biggest gift this summer. I shall revel in every minute of additional slumber.

I’m still working on a catchy name for our budget stuff. I promise I won’t let it fall by the wayside, I just need to finish up some contract work first.

What are you looking forward to this week?

Life

The Run

Posted on by noemikjames / 12 Comments

Thank you everyone for your support on my last post. I am excited that others are interested in writing about their budgets as well. Let me think of a catchy name and make some artwork and we can link up to each other when we tackle the subject of budget so that everyone feels supported. Accountability will be had by all!

And now I think it’s time to talk about something else besides money. Savvy?

{We’ve been reading a pirate pony comic book A LOT lately.}

I have never considered myself “a runner,” but I have enjoyed several “running seasons” in my life. I ran a lot in college, mostly in the last two years and especially the year I lived abroad in Madrid.

I traveled around much of Europe the year I lived abroad and my running shoes went with me to every city. My favorite memories of most cities involve exploring somewhere unexpected in my tennis shoes. I have very fond memories of running that year in Europe.

One of my most treasured memories is of an early morning run in Paris, up the Seine from the Musée d’Orsay to the Eiffel Tower. It was January, and the mornings were dark. The night before it had snowed in the city (supposedly the first time that had happened in seven years) and the city was sleeping under a thin blanket of frozen white. The pre-dawn light made the snow almost glow.

It was a Sunday morning and I didn’t see one other person on my seven mile loop. There was only my feet crunching in the snow and my breath billowing past my face. I started at my favorite museum (the friend I was visiting lived next door!) and ran up the Seine until the Eiffel Tower loomed above me. I remember standing there, completely alone, the city blanketed in white, wondering how in the world I was lucky enough for this to be my life.

Over Memorial Day we rented a cabin near a lake with some friends. May was unseasonably chilly and I was nervous we’d be stuck at the cabin in 50* weather with four kids and nothing to do. Sure enough we woke up on Saturday to a cold, misty rain. I was devastated.

We walked the kids up to the lake anyway, to enjoy the view. In the parking lot we stopped to chat with two men who were clearly going for a run. They said a trail looped all the way around the lake; it was 3.5 miles long.

I had packed my running shoes and a sports bra, hoping I’d be able to sneak away for a quick jaunt at some point. By mid-morning the rain had stopped but it was still foggy and in the mid-50s, too cold to take the kids to swim at the lake, so I asked my husband if I could go for a quick run.

And I went.

It.

Was.

Awesome.

I was expected the trail to be a fire lane of some kind, and that’s how it started, but quickly it became a hiking trail that was always well marked but rarely level or clear of rocks or roots. Some sections required scrambling up huge boulders. I was definitely ill equipped without trail shoes and I’m lucky I didn’t twist my ankle or fall and break my wrist. There were definitely long sections that I had to walk for safety reasons.

Running around that lake I was reminded of what a gift running has been in my life. I would never have attempted that 3.5 mile trail if I hadn’t wanted to go on a run, and I would have missed some stunning scenery and breathtaking views.

That first morning was cold and foggy and it rained for part of the run. But it was also quiet and still, with almost no one on the trail. Watching my breath billow in front of my face I was reminded of that magical run up the Sen. Immediately I felt at peace.

The morning we left I woke up early to run the lake again. The second time it was sunny and almost warm, but still early enough that the trail wasn’t overrun with hikers. I took my phone to capture some of the majesty and to remind myself of what a joy running far from home can be.

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Financial Security

Help Me with Accountability

Posted on by noemikjames / 19 Comments

I’m going to ask you all for a favor. I want to hold myself more accountable for my spending–both sticking to my no-shopping ban over the summer and how I spend on food and consumables–and I’ve heard one good way to do that (increase accountability) is to join a group or enlist friends. I’m too lazy to go looking for an online group I can join (the prospect is daunting) and I’m too embarrassed to share my financial shortcomings with the friends I’ve made this year. The only place I feel comfortable enough putting myself out there is in this space. So I’m going to post a weekly budget update, complete with screen shots of my updated budget app. This will require I actually update my budget regularly and it will mean that you all will be able to see what I spend my money on. I really do think I’d make different spending choices if I knew all of you would eventually see them. It’s not that I think you’d shame or even criticize me for how I spend my money, but I know you’d be honest in your commentary.

And I hope you will.

{I also know I’d more closely scrutinize my choices if I knew I had to share them.}

So what exactly am I asking of you? Just to help me hold myself accountable by gently reminding me if I ever miss a weekly post. Updates will be over the weekend (I’m being ambiguous on the day to give myself a little leeway as far as getting the posts up goes) and they will cover the Sunday through Friday of the week before. If Monday rolls around and I haven’t posted my budget, I’d really appreciate it if you’d call me out on it (nicely of course). And if you notice I’m eating out a lot, or have a suggestion for a way I could avoid purchasing something, please feel free to offer those comments. I need help on this, and I am humbly asking for it.

If I make a big purchase {::cough:: Costco ::cough::} I will include an itemized list of what I bought and how much it cost. Hopefully there won’t be too many of those because I won’t be buying much this summer.

My no-shopping ban starts on Saturday, the first official day of summer. I’ve decided there will be no book, toy or clothing purchases until 2016 (the only exception is for my daughter’s Kindergarten uniform, which is different than her Pre-K uniform was). This is where I needlessly spend my money and even I can recognize that we don’t need anything in those areas for the next six months. This summer is the juice cleanse before the overhauled diet. Changes will be made.

{I haven’t decided how to deal with Christmas, but I figure I’ll have a better idea of how to handle it after six months of not buying stuff than I do now.}

So, will you join me in my budgetary overhaul, and help me hold myself accountable? I would really appreciate it.

Have you ever joined a group to hold yourself accountable for a weight loss, diet or financial goal? Did it help you achieve your goal?

Financial Security

Financial Aspirations (or a Lack Thereof)

Posted on by noemikjames / 42 Comments

I have been thinking a lot about my financial aspirations, or my lack thereof.

The truth is, I don’t think much about where I want to be financially. I find financial planning to be both boring and daunting. It is an area I know nothing about, and I’m not interested in knowing anything about, but that I have to know something about. Oh and it’s totally overwhelming.

One of the blogs I’ve been reading is written by the wife of a couple that has big plans to retire early (like, WAY early) in 2017 to a homestead in the woods. She is in her mid-thirties and pregnant with her first child. Together they save 70% of their income and they are on track to meet their goal of retiring in 2 years. They are already looking at plots to buy so they can start building their house.

This woman doesn’t have a budget. Her spending plan is to not spend anything. Ever. They only spend money on the absolute essentials. She writes a lot about how it’s easy not to spend money on anything because every dollar spent on things they don’t need is being taken away from their dream of retiring early and homesteading in the woods. It’s easy not to buy stuff when you feel that doing so is robbing you of your ultimate goal.

Reading her blog I wondered if being money conscious would come more easily to me if I had some set goals. Then I tried to think of a financial goal I could work for.

And I thought. And I thought.

And I couldn’t come up with anything.

Is that sad?

I mean, I wanted to buy a house, and we did that. And then I wanted to live within our means, and we’re doing that. And now I want to be saving, but that goal is so amorphous and undefined.

I considered paying down my student loans faster. Right now I’m set to have the remaining $7,000 paid off in 2 years. If I scrimped and saved to put another $100 a month toward that debt I’d be done a couple of months faster. I tried to get excited about that goal. I waved it front of my face (metaphorically, of course) every time I had the urge to buy something unessential, but the idea of paying off that debt a few months earlier didn’t do much for me. Even when I told myself I could start having a cleaning lady once a month when the debt was paid off, I still felt pretty blase about the whole thing.

I reminded myself that I’ve been woefully neglectful of my children’s college funds (ie they have not been created yet) and that we need to start aggressively putting money in 529s, but again I find it hard to conjure any real sense of urgency. The cost of a four year degree is already so daunting and the projected numbers are outright devastating, anything I might save now feels ineffectual. The same goes for my retirement. All of these goals are so far in the future and so shapeless as to remain devoid of substance. I can’t imagine ever having enough money to retire, and many articles assure me I won’t, so it seems silly to deny something now just to put it toward a retirement fund that will never support me anyway. My generation will have to work until we’re in our 70s anyway, so what’s the point?

Of course there is a point, and I believe strongly in saving for retirement; I’ve been doing so since I was 27. But putting more away for the future is not a financial goal that helps me save today.

I think I just have to set up a budget that automatically contributes to these funds and my goal will be to stay inside that budget. Maybe that is how I will make this work. I don’t see myself embracing any financial goal that will inspire me to stop, or even drastically reduce, my spending. I don’t think what works for this woman will work for me. And that is fine, as long as I figure out what does work for me.

What are your financial goals? Do they inspire you to spend less?

Financial Security/Minimalism

The Budget

Posted on by noemikjames / 15 Comments

So I haven’t written much about my budget lately.

That is because I’ve been doing a pretty piss poor job of sticking to it.

I have been doing better. I have been making positive changes. But I’m not meeting my goals of staying within my budget or even tracking my spending accurately. As far as my budget goes, I’m failing pretty miserably.

But I am making better financial decisions. I’m not buying as much stuff and I’m saving a little each month. These are definitely improvements. Still, it feels a lot like I’m the kid who’s really bad at math, the one who has failed every semester for her entire academic career. Sure, one month she may turn in all her assignments, but some of them are only partially completed, and she’s going to get an F on the test anyway.

I taught a “remedial” math class a couple of years ago; I know what it’s like for those kids. They are so far behind, they have missed so much, and they just don’t get it. Some of them are never going to catch up. Many of them are never going to pass out of Algebra. (Did you know that not passing Algebra is the number one reason California high schools students don’t graduate or pass the high school exit exam?!)

I watched so many kids try really hard to dig themselves out of the hole they were in that year in math class. Some made truly valiant efforts but in the end the result was a 58% F instead of a 33% F. Sometimes it feels like I’m making improvements, but I’m still failing, I’m just not failing so exceptionally.

I keep telling myself that while I have a long way to go, I’m taking steps in the right direction. We all know what a journey of a thousand steps starts with.

The thing is, I can’t keep failing at this. Our financial future is at stake. My family’s security hangs in the balance. I owe it to my children to figure this out. It’s so, so, sooooo important.

And unlike a lot of other really important things that I feel I fail at (ahem, offering my kids consistently well balanced meals) this is measurable. My progress can be tracked in very real terms, with actual numbers. Hence the failing math student analogy.

Like so many things in my life, the first few months I did a really good job. Then I fell off the wagon. Spectacularly. One thing I will always do is fall off the wagon spectacularly.

I know the answer is to get back on. I KNOW this. I’m doing it. I’ve thrown one leg over the edge of the back. I’m struggling mightily to haul myself back on. I’ve told myself that I WILL start tracking my spending again. I’ve told myself that I WILL stick to my budget. I’ve set up incentives. I’ve talked to my husband. I’ve tried really hard to make it happen, to make it work.

I’m realizing that restricting my spending is a lot like other areas of my life, I’d do a lot better if I just stopped cold turkey. Moderation is NOT something I excel at. I’m pretty good at unwaveringly denying myself, but letting myself enjoy a little something here and there? That never works. I always fall down the slippery slope into absolute excess.

I didn’t want to go the cold turkey no-shopping route because I knew it wasn’t sustainable and I didn’t think it would teach me the skills of shopping in moderation that I will clearly need. Now I realize that I need to start with some cold turkey no spending rules or I’m never really going to get started. It’s like the juice cleanse before a major dietary overhaul. It helps with the sugar and carb addiction that’s gotten out of control. After I’ve exercised my “no spending” muscles I can try to really flex them by making harder choices about what I actually can buy, and when.

So this summer I’m not buying anything non-consumable. The only things I’m allowed to buy are those we go through and then throw away like food or TP or laundry detergent or, well you get the idea. The reality is I have enough of that kind of stuff bought in bulk that I probably won’t have to buy anything except food, and I want to put some pretty strict regulations on those kinds of purchases too.

The one thing I’m letting myself get are some things for the back yard (I really need to work out there this summer–that is another area of my life I haven’t shared because, well, the back yard = yet another FAIL). I will create a spending limit for that project and when I hit it I WILL STOP. (I’m writing that in capital letters to remind myself of my own determination.)

I’m reading some blogs about frugal spending. Some of these people are saving 70% of what they make! One woman hasn’t purchased one piece of clothing (used or new) in 18 months! Their frugality is impressive, to be sure, and the message is very much that once you make the habit, it’s easy to stick with it.

Except she is clearly someone who has felt stressed out spending money and so always did so sparingly. As someone who has ALWAYS had a spending problem, since the moment I clutched my first hard won quarters in my grubby little hand, I narrow my eyes at her assurance that it will become second nature. She seems a lot like the kid who is really good at math, who just gets it and doesn’t even need to try. Sure she puts in the work and gets the homework done, but she can do that because she understands what is being asked of her. It takes her a fraction of the time to get the job done, and she can do it well. The kid who isn’t as good at math couldn’t get three problems done in the same amount of time, and she wouldn’t know how to do them anyway.

I’ll keep reading the frugal living blogs, because it’s inspiring to see how others can live happily spending less, but I know I’m never going to be like those people. I’m never going to go 18 months without buying a single scrap of clothing. I’m never going to save 70% of what I make. Part of the reason is I don’t have a financial goal that drives me like they do (more on this later), but part of it that I’m just not the kind of person who will ever be able to live like that. And that’s okay. I can still make sound financial decisions, spend less and save money without living so frugally. And it’s going to start this summer, with a shopping ban. Wish me luck.

How would you like to change the way you spend money?