Not a Wasted Word

Honestly, this break has been fine. Better than fine! We’ve had a nice balance of time together, time with extended family, time with friends, and time by ourselves. There have been no crises (I was remembering my friend’s mental health crisis that dominated last year’s winter break – I’m so glad I’m not dealing with anything like that this year). No one is sick. It’s been a good couple of weeks. And yet I feel like I’m swimming in anxiety, that I’m not getting any rest. I’m trying to figure out why I’m struggling so much, but I can’t quite figure it out.

There is definitely my house, which needs more work. A lot more work. It’s easy to think mid-February is a ways a way, but I know it will be here before I’m ready for it. And while I’d love to feel less stress about getting it ready, I also know that I need that stress to spur me to actually do the work. If I weren’t stressed I wouldn’t engage with, what is for me, the very unpleasant exercise of going through years of junk and making the hard decisions about what to keep and what to toss, and then how to organize what is left. These are not my strengths and the only way I’m going to engage in work like this is if doing so alleviates an even more unpleasant feeling – the stress of knowing it still needs to be done.

I think work is also causing me stress. Whenever I consider thinking about it, or getting started on it, I stop, telling myself I can get what I need to done on Monday, our professional development day. This year has definitely been challenging and while I complained a fair amount about the prep time my student teacher was using, I also recognize how helpful she was in my classes, especially in the multilevel class and with my newcomers in the period after that. It’s going to be really hard to serve all my students’ needs without her in my classroom.

I think I need to find a way to just not care so much about work in general. I had to wake up today, on my break, at 7am to go to jury duty because the idea of spending a week of work not knowing if I’d have to take one or more sub days felt more stressful than burning a day or two of my break doing something I absolutely hate. And now I missing out on taking my niece and nephew to the Discovery Museum, because today was the day we were going to go. But it’s hard not to care about my job and still do all the hard work required for it. And it’s especially hard to give myself permission to not be at work when there are no subs. A colleague was out earlier this month for two days of jury duty and we all had to cover for him. I hate doing that for other people and I hate asking other people to do it for me.

And…

I wrote all that this morning and not long after I was excused from jury duty. I didn’t even get called into the courtroom! I was one of only 20 people who just randomly didn’t get called. I was so happy. When she said all our names and then told us we could go, I stood up with my hands in the air and whooped. I was so relieved.

And just like that my anxiety evaporated. I guess all this break I’ve been stressed about jury duty, and not knowing if or when I’d be called and then if I’d be able to get out of it. I just hate that kind of uncertainty, the idea that something could come in and hijack my life without me having any say.

Obviously I need to work on accepting uncertainty. Because even when there isn’t something like jury duty threatening to pull the rug out from under me, it could always happen without any warning.

When I got home today I went for a run im the sun. Tomorrow I get to take my niece and nephew to the Discovery Museum (they moved around their plans so we could go). I’m feeling so much better about the last days of my break.

It’s nice to have that feeling of control, even if it just a mirage.

No, actually, it’s not a new me. It’s the same me as always.

I am not one to get swept up in the thrill of the new year and all the promise it brings. I’m dreading 2024, the continuation of two wars, the horrific election cycle ahead, and the probable outcome of said election cycle. I think 2024 is going to be a hard year, and I’m kind of not looking forward to it.

I am not someone who generally makes new years resolutions, or sets goals, or chooses a word for the year. I certainly have, every once in a while, but none of it has ever resulted in much. I am very lucky to have made a habit out of working out and I feel VERY lucky that I’m not trying to lose any weight. I already read (and listen to) plenty of books. I have no real professional ambition and am content/resigned to remain where I am until I retire.

There is plenty I’d love to change about my life. I’d love to learn how to make and stick to a budget. I know a fair amount about the former, but have never manage to maintain the latter. I’d love to keep my house organized, but my MANY attempts have all failed eventually. It’s true that each attempt brings me closer to where I want to be, but the improvements are incremental.

So I won’t make resolutions about budgeting or organizing, because I know that for me, those efforts will be performative. I will continue to declutter my house, in preparation for my in-laws stay here. I will continue to try to spend less, and review my spending when necessary. It’s not a coincidence that both budgeting and organization are two of the biggest hurdles for many women with ADHD. And while my ADHD meds make my life so much more manageable, they are not miracle cures that made either of those obstacles less challenging. So I will continue to make incremental progress in both areas, progress that can’t really be articulated in a new year’s resolution.

As a teacher, I find the fall a much more momentous start of a new year. August is when I learn what the next ten months of my life will look like. I don’t open a new planner on January 1st because I got a new planner in August and it’s half way filled now. My life revolves around the academic calendar, which makes January 1st a lot less impactful.

I have read many “looking back at 2023” posts that make me wonder if I should reflect on the past year. But I don’t see myself writing one of those either. I’m just not feeling it. And I feel weird because pretty much every post I’ve read over the past few days has been reflective or future-focused. I guess this post is me justifying my choices to myself, so I feel like less of a weirdo.

Do you spend time during the new year to reflect on the past twelve months? Do you make New Year’s resolutions or goals or pick a word of the year?

We’re back from our first official family camping trip. We’ve definitely done some limited camping before, but never the four of us as a family, just because. In the past it’s always been some portion of the family, joining others on an already-planned trip.

For our first family camping trip we went to Pinnacles National Park, which is about 2.5 hours south of San Francisco. I will admit that I only heard of Pinnacles before the pandemic. I couldn’t believe there was such a pretty park so close, and I didn’t even know it existed. We picked this part first because it was easy to get to, and because there was hiking to do during the days. Also, we were able to get a spot for two nights during the week between Christmas and New Years (no small feat).

We are definitely amateur campers, but we plan to do this more often this year (our 10yo is a 4th grader who is excited about the parks passes he gets this year), so I’m going to do a little run down of what worked, and what didn’t, for my own future reference as much as anything else.

What worked

Packing. We went camping with the 10yo’s class in September and brought WAY too much stuff. Right after we wrote a list of what we thought we should bring next time and we’ve revisited it in early December to make sure we had everything. This time, we did an incredible job packing. We brought exactly what we needed, and we were able to fit it all, and the four of us, in our Chevy Bolt. A couple actually came over to our camp site on the last night to remark on how unbelievable it was that we were tent camping with a Chevy Bolt. It was definitely packed to the ceiling, and we’re looking into an aluminum carry rack and all-weather storage bag for our lighter stuff (sleeping bags and mats, etc). so that we’re not quite so tight the next time. We already have the hitch on the car (for a bike rack) so it seems pretty easy to get a hauling rack.

Meals. We packed food for our trip with maximum efficiency. The only thing we would change is we’d bring the cooked spaghetti noodles in ziplock bags instead of a glass container (so obvious looking back!) We got In-n-Out for lunch on the way down and back up which left two dinners, two breakfasts and one lunch (on the trail). We brought pasta for the first dinner (cooked noodles in the cooler), hot dogs (cooked over the fire) for the second and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the hike. We also brought some bagels (the 10yo doesn’t eat sandwiches (I KNOW!) and the 13yo doesn’t eat hot dogs). Finally we had instant oatmeal and pour over coffee (pop-up pour over cones! What will they think up next!) for breakfast. We also had s’mores stuff and hot chocolate, some chips and pretzels, and walnuts and cranberries for snacks.

Weather. We really lucked out on the weather. It did rain for about an hour our first night (at 6pm – right when the weather app said it would!), but we cleaned up when it started to sprinkle, so everything was safe when it really started to rain. It was a bummer to make dinner on the wet table, and we didn’t get to build a fire the first night, but everyone (and everything!) stayed dry. And it didn’t rain again until we were leaving the park on Friday morning. It also didn’t get too cold at night. The night before our stay the low was 42*, but both nights we were there the low was a balmy 50*! I was very, very grateful for that. Honestly, on the hike we were a little over dressed and we shed many of our layers as we walked.

Hikes. Speaking of hikes, Pinnacles is a great place for hiking. Unfortunately it’s not a great place for parking (more on that below), but despite not being able to do the hike we wanted on Thursday, we still got in some great hikes.

We did a short two mile hike on Wednesday right when we got there. We got to see the caves and hike up to the Moss Reservoir. The caves were hard to navigate, but otherwise it was a pretty easy hike. The perfect way to start our stay.

Thursday there was a major parking-related snag (more below) that meant we had to forgo the hike I really wanted to do. We ended up walking 8.7 miles on Thursday – 5 miles to and from the main trail heads, and 3.7 miles up to Condor Gulch. The kids were real troopers. I was super bummed to miss out on the High Peaks Trail, but we did get to see them from our hike.

Sleep. I, of course, didn’t sleep great either night, but we went to bed so early (around 9pm) and got up at a decent hour (around 7:30-8am) both days, so I did get a LOT of not very good sleep. Honestly, I’ll take it. Neither kid slept super well the first night, but everyone slept better the second night. Probably because we were all exhausted from all that walking. This may seem like something that didn’t go great, but honestly we slept way better than I was expecting.

Charging the car. There were two chargers by the Visitor’s Center and we were able to get our car on one of them the second night. This meant we had more freedom to choose a spot for lunch on the way back home. We were also able to snag a spot in Gilroy, while we ate at In-n-Out. We did need to wait a little while for one to open up, but it only ended up being 10ish minutes.

The kids. The kids did great. The 10yo was super stoked to go, but definitely struggled with the down time. The 13yo was not super stoked to go (even before she learned she was missing out on a last minute trip with friends because of going), but she really showed up with a positive attitude. They definitely bickered a fair amount, but all in all they were positive and had a good time. I really appreciate both of them and their attitudes.

What didn’t work

Parking. Thursday we got up to the Day Use Area Parking, where all the main hikes start, and there was no where to park. And so many people trying to park. We had to drive back to the campsite and start from there, which was 2.5 miles from all the trail heads. There is sometimes a shuttle, but there wasn’t one that day. I was super bummed out, because I was planning on a 5.6 mile hike for us, and there was no way we could do that with the 5 miles of round trip hiking we’d have to do just to get the trail head and back. I read up a lot about which hikes to take, and not one article mentioned the fact that the day use parking would fill up so fast, and then they’d just close it down until 2:30pm. If we had known we easily could have gotten up there earlier. I was super disappointed. Running a shuttle back and forth seems like such an easy fix. Maybe they do it on the weekends? Or in the summer? There are only spaces for about 50-75 cars across the three day use lots. So many people had to go back down to the campsite to park.

Showers. The campsite says it has showers. And it does. But they are cold. Like, just tap water cold. And in December that tap water is very cold indeed. This wasn’t a big deal for most of us, but the 13yo was quite put out about it. She was feeling VERY greasy and grimy by our third day there.

Campsite. Our campsite was right by the Visitor’s Center and RIGHT by the RV dumping station. I did not love this. We knew where the spot was when we picked it. It was the ONLY spot available for the two nights we wanted, when we changed our reservation. Ultimately it was fine, because we were there mid-week and it wasn’t too crazy, but I was not thrilled with our spot. At least we were close to the bathrooms!

Water. We didn’t bring our big water jug because there was potable water, and we really didn’t have space for it in the car. The water spigot ended up being pretty close, but it was still a pain in the ass to keep filling up our water bottles for everything, especially washing the dishes. We will definitely be investing in a water bag for the next time we camp.

Not much “didn’t work,” actually, which is amazing! All in all it was a great first attempt at family camping. We’re definitely looking at carry hauls for the hitch on the back of the cat so we could add a night to a camping trip in the future, but we’re very pleased with how well we did this time (and two nights felt perfect for me.) I have to admit, I have not generally been a big of fan of camping, but I love hiking and can get behind camping that allows me to walk around in nature for long distances. This definitely delivered on that, and I suspect there are many other places in California that can as well.

Christmas 2023 is in the books. It was a good one, but I’m kind of relieved it’s over. We almost forgot to put out our trash cans tonight, my husband thought it was still Sunday… 😉

December 23rd

Saturday my mom came up and we took the 13yo to get her nose pierced. This was her Christmas present from my parents. She did great. She picked out a nice piece of jewelry and told them where she wanted the piercing. She was clearly nervous, but handled it well. She was VERY excited to get it done. She loves the way it looks.

My mom took both kids back down to her house for the rest of the day and night. It was sunny out so my husband and I walked to lunch in the Mission. We tried out a new burrito spot that was very good. We did some window shopping and some real shopping. I got myself three rings for my three ear piercings, each slightly bigger than the last. I’ve been looking for that for a while, so I was excited to find it at a small, independent store.

We walked around the Mission for several hours and then walked home around 5:30pm. I worked out, then drove to pick up Chinese food from a favorite spot. We watched Killers of the Flower Moon since we had the 3.5 hours to see it all at once. I liked it. It’s not much like the book and I wasn’t sure how it would seem if you didn’t know all the stuff the book tells you. I found that really distracting. I LOVED the book. I think only liked the movie.

Christmas Eve

Sunday morning we had brunch at a new spot that had been getting a lot of amazing write ups. It was awesome. I have to say, three incredible meals out in 24 hours was a special treat.

We drove down to my parents’ house after brunch. The kids had been there for about 24 hours. They decorated Christmas cookies and saw a light show on Saturday. They were excited to do Christmas Eve on Sunday.

We went for a hike in a nearby park. The weather was beautiful and we had a nice time.

Back at the house the kids got to open one present each. My son opened his nunchucks. I got a pair too. We took a little class on them at the dojo holiday party and they were so much fun I got us each a pair for Xmas. We immediately took them outside to practice what we’d learned and try some new tricks. They are hard, but super fun to play around with. I hope my son sticks with them.

After dinner and a round of Dominion, we headed out to see the lights on Eucalyptus, two blocks of totally nuts Christmas decorations in San Carlos.

My family drove straight home after the lights and we put the kids to bed quickly. They were bickering a lot by the end of the night and my husband and I were feeling pretty done. We had been expecting a pretty smooth Christmas Day, but after Christmas Eve evening we weren’t so sure.

Christmas Day

The kids were up and ready by 8:30am, so we headed to my in-laws house. They had breakfast ready for us – chilaquiles, my favorite! The kids opened their presents. The 13yo got a tong of art supplies and the 10yo got three bamboo swords. He was very into them and spent the rest of the morning almost knocking stuff over as he pulled them out of their sheaths.

Around noon I snuck out for a run. My in-laws live near Golden Gate Park and last year I went for a run on Christmas Day which was really fun, so I went again today. I guess I am making it a Christmas tradition.

The weather was beautiful and there were some new art installations. I love taking a break during Christmas Day to clear my head and produce some much needed endorphins.

We had lunch at my in-laws, then dropped stuff off at home (I took a shower), and then we headed back down to my parents’ house. My husband was clearly hitting a wall so I decided to give him some time to recharge at my parents’ house.

When we got there the kids opened presents. My parents had a big spread of food to eat all day – we never sat down for a meal. The kids were happy with their presents. So were my parents. It was a nice afternoon.

My son out together a Snap Ship. We played a round of Skull. We ate SO. MUCH. FOOD. Around 6:30 the kids started losing it so we packed up and headed home.

My husband did a lot of work unpacking stuff. I did some work too. My husband had gone to bed and I’m writing this on my phone. I’ll probably head to bed myself soon.

Tomorrow we pack for camping. Wednesday morning we drive down to Pinnacles. Let the rest of the break begin!

I hope everyone had a lovely December 25th, no matter what the day means to you.

Break has officially started! I already feel so much better than I did last night.

Run

I got out before the fog came in. It was so nice to be out in the sun. And it was nice to get a break from the kids in the middle of the day. I came back feeling energized.

Fused Beads

Both kids got a fused bead set from our Elf on the Shelf, who knew we’d need a little something to do today. My son’s was a Mandalorian set. I made Asohka and he made Boba Fett and R2-D2. My daughter got a Sanrio set and I made the frog. I made mine into ornaments.

Library + Glasses

We picked up some books on hold, and I found a couple more I’m hoping my son will read over the break. He’s at that stage where he could read longer books but he’s loathe to actually do it. It’s been hard finding books he’s interested in. If we let him he’ll just read Big Nate comics on his pad all day.

On the way I got my new glasses adjusted. They were a mess and I wasn’t really wearing them because of it. But now they are fixed and I like them a lot. I’m so pleased that worked out because they’ll be closed for a while.

Starter Villain

My son and I are listening to John Scalzi’s Starter Villain. It is NOT a kids book. Or even a YA novel. There is a ton of swearing. So. Many. F-bombs. And we both love it. It’s smart and funny and my son is super into it. We laugh a lot. Will Wheaton is a great narrator. It’s fun to have a book just we are listening to, as opposed to the Lockwood & Co. series that the whole family listens to (we’re on the last one of that now!) We listened to it while we did fused beads today, and while we folded the kitchen towels.

Dominion

One of my last minute Christmas presents was a deck-building game called Dominion. It came today and I decided my son and I should play it, instead of wrapping it. So we did. And it was really fun. I think it will become a family favorite.

We also watched an episode of Monarch tonight. It’s good, but we’re caught up and have to wait for the next episode. My kids have so rarely watched shows like that. It’s kind of funny to see them deal with the waiting.

I didn’t get any decluttering done today, but I’m okay with that. I did a ton of laundry and the house is in decent shape, despite us having out in it all day. Hopefully I’ll get a little more done tomorrow.

I have had a couple instances where I needed something random and knew it exactly where it was, because of the decluttering. That was pretty awesome and it’s giving me the incentive I need to keep going.

Well I did it. I made it to the winter break. Limping to the finish line. Maybe crawling. But I got there!

Work was brutal. I subbed during my prep all week. I hosted rainy day lunch twice. One day I literally had not one minute of break – I had to ask someone to come watch kids in my classroom while I peed.

Afternoons weren’t as bad though, which is probably why I survived. And in the end I got all the assessments graded. And the projects. Most grades are inputted. I said goodbye to my student teacher and felt a lot of feelings about it.

It struck me today that this week holds the shortest days of the year, and yet they have absolutely felt like the longest days.

And now I have two weeks at home with my kids. I’m being reminded tonight that if I don’t set some boundaries around screen time (mostly the 13yo and her phone), there will be constant conflict. I shall be figuring out what those boundaries look like tonight, so I can communicate them clearly tomorrow.

I am so glad work is over. And I am looking forward to the holidays. But I need a day or two to decompress in between. I hope Friday and Saturday can provide that. Friday I’m with the kids and I have a couple very low key things planned for them (trip to the library, a melty bead project for each of them), plus a run by myself to relieve some of the pent-up stress. Saturday they are going to my parents’ house and I am so looking forward to 24 hours to do with as I please. I don’t even have that much wrapping left! Right now I can’t even fathom how I might use that time, when I consider it my brain goes blank. I hope after tomorrow I can start contemplating a whole day to spend as I see fit.

In the meantime, here are some photos of the sunset yesterday. I pulled over into some key spots on my way home to get these. I absolutely love Crystal Springs Reservoir and the way the fog can sit on top of the mountains. It’s one of my favorite places in the world.

I wanted to write a little update on our decluttering project, partly because I want to remind myself that we have in fact done some good work, and partly because I wanted to assuage fears that we are living among Costco bags of junk.

We have done some good work. My husband made amazing progress in the kitchen last weekend, and four big boxes/bags of stuff were gone the next morning. We also cleaned out one side of the mantel bookshelves, getting rid of a bunch of books there and reorganized them to better use the space. Now many of our board games live on those shelves, along with books and picture albums. I cleaned out four drawers in the living room and have put back three of them: one with the tools/tape/permanent markers we use regularly, one with cat care products (brushes, nail clippers, etc) and one with rechargeable batteries and their accoutrements. I also have two cameras in with the batteries, which doesn’t feel like the right move because we don’t use either camera very often. They will probably get moved again. One of the drawers is still empty, but there is a small-Costco bag worth of junk I still need to go through. I also went through all the pens and pencils and tried each one out and threw away a sizeable bag of writing utensils that no longer write.

Today I went through the “tools.” For me tools are anything that provide a utility, including tapes, glues, zip ties, etc. And of course, all the nails and screws and nuts and bolts. We’ve purchased and put together a LOT of IKEA furniture over the years and we have so many little bags of left over assembly supplies, including all the wall mounting equipment I’ve never used. My actual tool box is also a disaster. (Yes, all the tools stuff is mine, I am the one who assembles furniture, hangs art, fixes broken things and generally uses tools around our house). So I left the car outside after I dropped my daughter off at a holiday party and I sat on a stool in the garage and went at it. I got rid of a large Amazon bag of random junk, and I reorganized everything else in my tool box, a set of four smaller tool boxes I got at Costco, and my kids’ old LEGO sorter (this was so clutch).

There are several more weird drawers to dump out, cull and reorganize in the other half of the mantel. And the two biggest categories have yet to be tackled: “technology” (which for me means anything with a cord or charger, including ALL THE CORDS AND CHARGERS) and self care (which includes vitamins, medicine, beauty products, etc). Tech is going to be tough to tackle, but self-care is just sprawling. We have self-care products in both bathrooms, and the hall closet. Self-care is going to be a PITA. I would be more worried about it, except I reorganize the hall closet pretty regularly (every six months or so) because it becomes totally untenable without attention.

My daughter’s bedroom got a little attention ahead of her friends spending the night. We got rid of a box of LEGOs and threw away several bags worth of junk and old art work. We took a bunch of book series out and rehomed them in her brother’s room (she LOVED the Horrible Histories, Horrible Sciences, and Murderous Maths series from Scholastic UK – each of which has 15-20 books) to make space for her drawing guides and other art suppies. We put all her painting stuff where the LEGOs had been, Her room still needs real work (especially her closet), but for now things are a lot better than they were.

We also donated my son’s BeyBlade collection to his aftercare program and got rid of a bunch of his books.

We’re doing the work, slowly but surely. Obviously being sick and having a packed week didn’t help, but I’m getting back at it. The only reason why any of this is working is because we live in a neighborhood where you can put anything out on the street in the morning and it will be gone by the time it gets dark. Last Sunday we put out five large boxes/bags full of kitchen stuff and book at 8:45 and by 9:18am they were ALL GONE. Someone must have pulled up with their car and taken it all. It’s crazy. My son’s school also has a clothing pantry where I bring their still-wearable, but too small clothing.

Being able to pack things up and then just put them outside to get rid of them is truly the only reason this is happening. If we had to get rid of one pile of stuff before putting more in its place (we have a very small spot to “stage” give-aways so not much fits there), we’d still be one step one.

I recently read How to Keep House While Drowning, and was reminded that things are now as dire as they could be. There was a time when that book would have been way more useful to me, because I needed to know that it was okay for clean laundry to just sit, unfolded, in Costco bags, while we pulled out what we needed. It helps to be reminded that my mess is not a moral failing, but I don’t need tips on how to wash enough dishes to be able to use my sink. Organized Living finally became available at the library and I picked it up last week. It’s a beautiful book. I enjoy reading about all the professional organizers – and seeing their beautiful homes – but I have no desire to curate living spaces like those. I’m not looking for perfection, I just want to think about my shit less, so I can enjoy my life more.

I will say that I have a lot of stuff. I like to have what I need – I loathe running out to grab something in the middle of a project. But, BUT!, it doesn’t help to have what you need if you can’t find it when you need it. I still haven’t found the Ki patches that prompted me to open every junk drawer in my house. Maybe I threw them away by accident? But I won’t know until I’ve tackled every single space. I’ve decided the goal is not to purge as much as it is to organize. I will absolutely get rid of all the stuff that we don’t need – the junk that is making it harder for us to access what we do need – but in the end I don’t want the immaculate, minimalist living spaces presented in Organized Living. I just want to know what we have and where all of it lives. If I can manage that, I will be happy.

This work week is only four days and we don’t have much in the afternoons (the dojo is already closed for their winter break), so I’ll have more time to work on this project. I also have a TON of assessments to score and projects to grade, and if there is one thing I’d rather do LESS than decluttering, it’s scoring assessments. Let my procrastinating in one area push me to do something I want to do only slightly less!

UPDATE: The tech stuff has been tackled! I used the old game box (you’ll remember the games are not in the mantel book shelves) to sort the tech stuff into two different big boxes. I also moved the camera and all its’ accoutrements into a smaller shelf/box. I’m feeling pretty good about things right now. This week I’ll tackle the random junk and after Xmas I’ll start in on the self-care products.

I’m at that place where things feel like they are spilling into, and past, the margins. My margins are always smaller than I’d like, the spaces available to push things when plans change, are never what I need them to be. That is one of the reasons I have such a hard time stopping when I’m sick, because if I do it feels like a conveyor belt of shit will just pile on top of me, and getting out from under the pile of shit later will be way worse than continuing to take things of it while I feel tired and overwhelmed.

Because the conveyor belt never stops. It just pushing things at me and I feel like most of the time I barely have the capacity to take them off and put them where they go. So I just throw shit all over the place and then later look around and realize my whole life is a mess.

This conveyor belt metaphor feels really apt right now. It absolutely captures the way my life feels, and the fact that I just can’t keep up.

This is also the time of year where it feels like I’m doing so much for other people, making sure that their expectations are met. Half the stuff coming at me on the conveyor belt isn’t even destined for me, it’s for others. And some of those people (::cough:: my husband and kids ::cough::) aren’t doing much, if anything for me. It’s not that I want anyone to get my anything, it can just be depleting when it all flows out, and so little is flowing in.

But my family is helping in other ways. And I need to keep sight of that. And remember that some things coming at me on the belt are my choice entirely, things I could opt out of entirely too (::cough:: martial arts ::cough::)

It’s now Sunday morning. I started this post on the bus to the dojo yesterday, and never had time to finish it. But that is because I chose to start wrapping presents early, instead of writing this post, or scoring assessments, or grading projects, or decluttering, or even just watching TV. And now and bulk of my wrapping is done a week early! And I’ll have more time on the 23rd, when my kids are at my parents’ house, to decompress.

Maybe, just maybe, the conveyor belt will slow down a little.

Four more days until the winter break.

It’s been a week! I’m glad it’s almost over.

I had a real post to write. I even put some thoughts down in a Note on my phone. But it’s late and I’m tired so it ain’t happening right now.

But the big news is, my daughter turned in her application to the arts school. She got her third piece done over the weekend, showed all three to her portfolio prep teacher on Tuesday, and we uploaded and submitted them today. I can’t believe that it’s finally done. I’m really proud of her.

In the end if was a google form, which felt a little anticlimactic. And she still has to go to the audition in February, where she’ll do a live drawing. But for now, she is DONE!

I got the teacher gifts and we started putting them together tonight, even though the kids have another week of school. I have all the gifts for the kids. And my parents. And my husband’s parents. My husband and I don’t exchange gifts, which is fine by me for this holiday.

I’m still snotty and my throat is sore after a day of speaking loudly in class, but I’m on the mend. I went for a short, light run yesterday and that was a mistake. I felt pretty bad and walked a lot, but it was beautiful out and I was glad for the break in my day. Tonight I did a strength training video and that felt much more manageable.

My husband is much better. He may never have been sick, but instead was over extended from the Saturday of kitchen clean up. Our son stayed well for his one night class camping trip, but now has a stuff nose and sore throat. I’ve been giving him Umcka and AirBorn, and he seems to be pretty mild. My daughter seems to have escaped this one unscathed.

Which is great news because this weekend my daughter is having three school friends spend the night. This is the first time newer school friends have stayed over and I have to admit, I’m curious to really meet them. She has a lot of friends at her middle school, a fact I’m forever in awe of, and I’m pleased to host them for her. She is super excited.

She also has a lot of work to do on her bedroom, which is a giant mess right now. One more massive, time consuming task on my to-do list. But it’s good for her to have a incentive to get it done. And we’re in a “let’s just get rid of stuff” headspace, so that should help.

And it’s almost 11pm, so I should head to bed. I’ve been trying to get more sleep this week, as I get over this cold. I’m already late getting downstairs.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to be gone so long. Saturday was a marathon day (art store run for my daughter, sons’s belt test, book club, dinner + drinks with my girlfriends) and then Sunday I woke up sick as a dog. My throat was on fire and my nose was a block of snot. My husband, who spent Saturday purging the kitchen (the amount he accomplished is astonishing), also felt like shit on a shoe. So Sunday was a struggle.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it at work today, but Mondays are the worst days to be out and I knew we didn’t have enough subs, so I drugged myself up and went to sleep early on Sunday. (I also thought my student teacher could take over my classes but she ended up being out with a sick kid herself). Monday morning I felt decent enough to at least drive to work. The morning was rough but I felt better in the afternoon (kind of shocking really). I tested myself Sunday night and this morning but still wore a mask today. I probably won’t tomorrow if im still negative.

My husband stayed home but was feeling better by the afternoon. He got to stay in bed all Sunday while I made two boxes of pancakes, and helped my daughter find corn-based ingredients in our pantry, and take a picture of the price of broccoli at Grocery Outlet, and helped my son make his ginger bread house and glued the puzzle together). He managed to head out to a work event tonight and is still going to chaperone our son’s class camping trip tomorrow. We’re both pretty surprised that any of this is happening.

But I’m still tired, and when my big fat boy cat climbed on my lap about an hour ago I decided to take it as a reminder that I really could use the rest. So I’m resting, even though there are dishes in the sink and tools all over the floor (I am organizing the tools, which is a massive and disastrous category of “junk” in this house). Eventually this cat will get up and I will get going, but not yet.