I have been STRUGGLING this week. So scattered and so stressed. It has not been pleasant. Since it’s Friday, I’ll parse my scatterbrained state it out into five little chunks.
1. I’ve been processing sad news. I found out a couple close to us is separating. I can’t say much more about it yet (I’m sure I’ll be able to later), and it won’t affect our day to day lives, but it’s a bummer and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Also, the mom of two young kids at our dojo died of breast cancer. I didn’t know her well, but I know her kids and it’s devastating.
2. Changes are afoot, and change is hard. A lot of staff left last year and we just got the email with the names of all the new hires and it was a lot to process. The dojo has been having MAJOR changes in leadership and I don’t really know how it’s going to keep working without all the people that have left. It makes me irrationally upset that I can’t fathom what the future there will hold. The dojo has given me and my son so much, and I don’t want it to stop being what it’s always been for us. And my daughter is starting high school, but that will get its own bullet point below.
3. I’m all over the place both physically and mentally this week. One morning I went to get my coffee cup, but first I grabbed the blender (why?!) and then started pouring coffee beans into the grinder (why?!?) before finally just opening the cabinet and grabbing the stupid cup. This is how basically everything has felt this week, and I’ve really struggled to get anything done. The unpacking and putting away of luggage took forever. I got almost nothing done at work this week, despite being in my classroom for over 15 hours! I’m so frustrated with how unproductive I’ve been.
4. I’m spending money like crazy. It’s partly stress spending – I buy things that I think will solve problems when I’m faced with uncertainty – and it’s partly just start of school spending. Either way it’s too much and it has to stop, because it’s sending me into a shame spiral and I just can’t manage that shit right now.
5. Our daughter is starting high school next week and she has BIG feelings about it. And she’s bringing those big feelings to us (as she should!) and we have to stay calm and collected as we help her work through them, even when they trigger our own stresses and insecurities. It’s a lot. Also, my husband is really struggling back at work, so a lot of the hard stuff with our daughter is falling to me.
This weekend is Outside Lands, which will be so fun but will not provide much needed respite. Hopefully next week I can pull myself together and start getting stuff done, and feeling better about everything. Reentry is hard, especially at the end of the summer. I’m trying to remember that and give myself grace.
We’re back, and my brain is a jumbled mess of planning for the few weeks, preparing for the new school year, and looking back on how much fun we had this summer. Please excuse the lack of direction in this post.
Living on the west coast, we always fly east, and lose time, to go somewhere and fly west, and gain time, coming home. Hawaii is the only place where we fly east, taking the longer flight out and gaining time on the way there, and then fly west going home, with a shorter flight, but losing hours. I was very struck by how weird it was to be behind our normal time on vacation and to come home with it feeling earlier than it was. Very, very weird.
I’ve recently started listening to English-language audiobooks at 1.25x or 1.5x and I really felt like our Hawaii trip had a 1.25x vibe. It was our longest trip to Maui and yet it felt like it went faster than any of the others. I wonder if that’s because we feel so at home there now, and there isn’t any of that traveling-induced friction that makes you hyper aware of every moment when you’re away from home. We feel comfortable in the house, and know the island really well. We also know what it’s like to share space with this particular group of friends in this setting. The whole thing is just so easy, and I think that makes time feel fast on that trip. I’m really glad we were there for so long. We’re so lucky to have the opportunity to go somewhere so amazing, but have it be so affordable. The reality is we would have to save up for years to afford a week in Hawaii by ourselves, so I never take for granted that we’re able to go like this.
This was our first “issue-free” trip to Hawaii. No one was (knowingly) exposed to Covid before we left, the cats did not (literally) lose their shit, and we even flew home without any day-long delays or long stints on the tarmac. We’re finally out of the cycle of Alaska messing stuff up and then giving us credits so that we ultimately buy flights with them again. Hooray! No more Alaska Airlines for us! I think in the future we’ll be flying Hawaiian Airlines to Maui. We really liked them on our flight back home.
That is, if we get to go to Maui again. That trip is predicated on our friends being able to get the house, and then inviting us. As long as those two things happen, we’ll probably keep going.
Our flight was pushed back, which ended up being nice because we didn’t have to rush to leave the house. We were home by 10pm, which was late, but for us it felt like 7pm so it wasn’t so bad. The kids both have camp today. Our daughter struggled to get up, but it was for a camp she really wanted to attend (Ceramics and the California College of Art) so while getting ready was grumbly, she was in good spirits when I dropped her off.
The 10yo has a half day camp down at my school this week. I’ll be working in my classroom while he does some STEM stuff. He’s not thrilled about it, but he really struggles with long, unstructured days so he’s going! Luckily they both start school a little later than we anticipated, and get all of next week off before going back.
I start back (with staff days) next Thursday and Friday. I can’t really believe that, and I’m glad I have half days in my room this week to get my in the correct mindset. I’m also glad I have three days of nothing next week before I have to be back in staff meetings. Ugh, I hate district-mandated professional development.
But before anyone goes back to school, we get to see Chappell Roan at Outside Lands! My wristband came in the mail and I’m so excited. My husband and daughter are going, as well as my friend and her daughter. It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait! I’m also really curious to go to a giant music festival. It’s been years (maybe a decade!?) since I’ve been to any kind of giant concert, so I’m definitely interested to see what they are like nowadays.
I started this post yesterday and I’m going to post it now, so I can get back to unpacking everyone’s luggage and storing everything away. I have to admit, after so much travel it’s a relief to pack it all away knowing that we won’t be using it again for a while. I don’t know why packing and unpacking is so stressful for me – others seem to manage it fine – but it is and it makes the bittersweet quality of the August a little sweeter. I can’t wait to have all the packing cubes and luggage put away.
Thursday and Friday were big days! I guess I wanted to start August with a bang!
Thursday 8/1
Wednesday night I did laundry so that my one set of running clothes would be clean on Thursday morning. When I woke up at 6:15am I got up to run, instead of trying to fall back asleep.
This time I went in the other direction, which ended up being kind of a bust. I ran the bike lane behind the airport (we are RIGHT behind the airport) over to a beach outlet. It was a fine route, but I preferred the first one.
As I said, RIGHT behind the airport. This park was def the best part of my run. I love this kind of wood! And these birds!Bird taking flight.
When I got back to the house, I saw there were no clouds on Haleakala, so I thought it might be fun to spend the morning snorkeling. We didn’t have plans until 12:30pm, so I decided to go.
Of course, when I got there, the cloud that always sits above our favorite snorkeling place was back. I was so annoyed.
Curse you cloud!
Of course, I still saw a lot of cool stuff. At one point I was floating above a huge piece of coral and there were just fish everywhere.
So many fish!It’s hard to capture it on camera. They were just everywhere. Those three big guys were great. My son loves the long ones.
Since I was by myself (so no one would have to wait for me) and it was such a long drive over to that side of the island, I decided to hit up Five Graves, the spot where I swam with two turtles last year.
The tide was lower this time, which made it even harder to get into the water. Luckily, it was worth it.
First I saw a little turtle just hanging out under an outcropping of coral.
Later I saw this guy, swimming in the break.
Turtle!
I followed him around for a bit, because there is nothing more awesome than swimming with a sea turtle.
At one point I looked up and saw another sea turtle!
Then when I turned back around, the first one was right next to me. It was so cool.
I watched them both swim into the distance and was so glad I had come.
On the way home, I stopped to get my daughter a sweatshirt that she saw earlier in the week, but was later sold out. I got my son a Hawaiian chicken stuffie, because we love the chickens here.
I also stopped to get gas at the Costco, and because we needed more bagels I went in. Somehow I’ve never been to this Costco, even though I love Costco and I love going to different Costcos. Well, the Maui Costco did not disappoint! It was awesome and had so many Hawaii specific things. I got my husband and our friend Hawaiian shirts and myself a swim suit. My only issue was I couldn’t spend much time there because my husband was losing it with our son back at the house. I might have to go back to that Costco on our last day.
A bunch of adults in the group were getting massages at the house on Thursday, so at 12:30pm we headed to the pool. (I elected not to get a massage because it was expensive and I had just gotten one on my birthday.) The pool was amazing as always. I ended up hanging out with our friends’ 3.5yo most of the time, so I didn’t get many pictures. We did bring the GoPro though, and got some shots of us jumping off the waterfall.
Me, jumping off the waterfall. Art work on the bottom of the pool, that was randomly caught perfectly.
Thursday night we went to dinner with friends again, this time to a soba place.
Sous vi duck and tofu on soba noodles
Friday 8/2
Friday was our biggest day. We woke up early and were out the door with our friends by 8:10am to head to Hana.
The road to Hana is 64 miles long and most of it is so windy and narrow that you can only drive 15-25 miles an hour on it. The trip generally takes 2.5-3.5 hours, one way.
By 8:30 we had picked up lunch and were off. Our friend got the Shaka Guide (see image above), which we listened to on the drive. It was definitely goofy in spots, but we learned a lot and it helped pass the time.
We didn’t stop anywhere on the way down. In fact, we didn’t even stop in Hana, we just drove past it to Haleakala National Park and the “Seven Sacred Pools.” My husband remembered our son’s 4th grade National parks pass and we got to use it one last time!
I will admit, the pools were a little underwhelming. I mean, they were awesome, but not worth a 5-6 hour round-trip drive. As the sole driver of the trip, I was honestly I little bummed out when we saw them.
Luckily, there was also a hike in the park, and PiPiwai Trail did not disappoint!
We started on the hike, and it immediately started to rain. It ended up raining on us for most of the hike, which at first we were grateful for (so cool and refreshing!) and later kind of annoyed by (our clothes and backpack and shoes were soaked).
There were tons of waterfalls, among other amazing views. The trees were beautiful too.
About half way up we crossed a bridge into a bamboo forest. Much of that part of the hike had wood paneling, which we appreciated because the regular path was getting very muddy in the rain.
The hike ended at the view of Waimoku falls, which was just stunning. I’m so glad I did not know much about this waterfall, because just looking up and seeing it was such a gratifying experience.
I took so many pictures of it, and none of them did it justice. The pouring rain certainly wasn’t helping my photographic efforts.
I will admit, the hike back to the car was a little rough. The kids were soggy and uncomfortable. Many of us had multiple mosquito bites and everyone just wanted to be done. Luckily it felt shorter on the way down.
On the way home we stopped at the Venus Pools, a local spot recommended by the Shaka Guide we were listening to. The walk to the spot was not well maintained and we all got eaten alive by mosquitos, but it was worth it.
Waves coming into the swimming hole from the ocean. Black sand beach. Swimming hole from the beach.
The swimming hole was our last stop for the day, because we had a 3+ hour drive home.
On the way we saw a rainbow, which was very gratifying after all the rain. Luckily there was a turn out right after we spotted it, so we could all get out and take pictures.
It was after 7pm when we got home so we just ate left overs at the house, watched some Olympics and went to bed.
Saturday 8/3
After being gone for 11+ hours on Friday, we promised the kids a low key Saturday. Besides a quick trip to Costco to fill up the rental car and to grab more Hawaiian shirts and sarongs, the kids and I stayed at the house. My husband and his friends did go to a brewery, but we did not join them.
I struggled on Saturday because I felt like I should be taking more advantage of our last day. I also had big feelings about how my kids were spending their time (mostly on screens), but I tried hard to let those feelings pass and enjoy the down time. I spent much of the day on the lanai (covered patio) and in the hammock (when it was cloudy) reading my book.
Prop, the property cat came to say hello. He enjoyed some pets. My favorite spot on the property.
By 4pm everyone was back at the house, and we enjoyed our final evening at the house together. It was so fun to be here again with friends, especially those who haven’t been able to join us in the past.
Final night. These palm trees get pummeled by the wind. Final dinner with friends.
Sunday 8/4
My farewell photo.
Today (Sunday) we woke up and got packed, cleaned up our rooms and headed out. I was hoping we’d have time to hang out a little this morning, but it didn’t happen.
Our friends enjoying their last morning on the beach.
Instead we hit up Ululani’s Shaved Ice one last time. It was a great way to end the trip.
And now we’re on the plane. We’ll be taxiing out to the run way that I ran past a couple days ago and then flying out over the house we stayed in. Every time I see a plane taking off over the property I think, soon we’ll be on one of those going home. And now we are.
As you may recall in the last post, Saturday we hung at the house, slowly losing our minds from lack of sleep. Sunday we went snorkeling and Monday went to the pool.
Tuesday 7/30
Monday night it rained and Tuesday it was cloudy and damp, so we had to change our plans a little. Initially we wanted to do a hike on Haleakala’s summit, but a fire is burning up there so the summit has been closed all week. Our plan B was a hike called 13 Crossings, but it was supposed to be muddy and slippery during the best of circumstances, so we thought it probably wasn’t a good idea to attempt it after heavy rain. Ultimately we decided to hike the Hoapili Teail to the lighthouse on the southern tip of the island. We’d looked into it before, but most of the hike is over black lava rock and totally uncovered, which makes for a pretty hot combination most days, but would be perfect on a cloudy day that threatened rain.
We headed down there before lunch and started out. While the sun did come out every once in a while, it mostly stayed cloudy and we were very thankful for that.
There were lots of “blow holes” on the hike. The first part of the hike, through a little forest by the beach, reminded me so much of Parque Tayrona in Colombia. I love the bleached wood. Much do the hike was over sharp black lava rock. It felt like we were on Mars. At the end there were tide pools. Not much was in them, but the colors were stunning. There was so much coral on the beach at the end. It was crazy to see all the white coral mixed with the black lava rock.We saw a TON of goats during this hike. So, so many goats. I likes this hike a lot. I’m glad we finally got the weather we needed to attempt it.
We packed lunches for the kids, but my husband and I stopped to get food on the way home. I got a plate of poke that was AMAZING.
So big! So good!
We ran some errands on the way home, including a stop at a thrift store where my daughter found an amazing dress. Also, there was a mama hen with her chicks, that were briefly separated in the parking lot. It was quite the drama.
Together at the start. Then mama hen and two chicks went one way……while the rest of the group chirped chirped in the street. Luckily they found each other in the end.
The rest of the day was pretty chill. It’s so easy to relax in Hawaii.
I have not spent nearly enough time in the hammock. Long boat at sunset.
Wednesday 7/31
Wednesday we went back down to “the Dumps” (as the locals call it) to snorkel with our friend. I love snorkeling and this is the only week of the year I get to do it, so I’m always down.
And even though the sun didn’t come out at all, we had a great time. We saw both a turtle and an eel!
Can you spot the sea turtle? Munch on coral under the rocks?Eel! He was snapping at me when I went down to take a video of him. I love this guy. He let me get really close. Angel fish! I didn’t see many of these!Parrot fish do not like paparazzi.
We headed back to the house around 2pm. I realized I had the time and space to do a workout video outside, which was lovely.
I wish I could always workout right here.
We hung out on the beach by the house and in the hot tube for the afternoon, then my husband and I went to dinner with our friends. We hit up a sushi spot that was amazing. It was so nice to have a quiet night without our kids.
I doubt I’ll be able to put up daily recaps of this trip, so I’ll have to settle for installments. Let’s see if I can get up the first one!
Saturday 7/27
Our flight was at 7am. I wanted to leave about a half hour earlier than my husband. We compromised on 5:15. The Lyft driver was late and then missed Terminal 1 and had to circle back. The check-bag drop off line was crazy and TSA was more crazy. Luckily my husband was able to add Pre-Check to his ticket so he checked the bag and got through the faster line in the time it took us to go through the regular TSA line. We got to our gate right when our group (F, so not an early group) was boarding. I do NOT like cutting it that close. No thank you. Next time I will not compromise on when we leave the house, even if it is that early.
Luckily the flight was fine (after the first hour when my son had his head in an old air sick bag I’d saved from another flight – a ginger ale made him feel better) and we landed without issues.
Rental car pick up also went well, especially when we saw that the SUV I rented at the last minute was a beautiful 7 seater with leather interior and all sorts of other fancy accoutrements. The lumbar support alone is worth the extra $100 (how was it only $100 more than a mid-size sedan?!), even if our friends don’t end up driving anywhere with us (that is why we got a car with extra seats).
When we arrived at the house we were greeted by friends with drinks and presents for us.
They made everyone hats this year. Piña colada with a view.
Saturday was a long, languid day (we arrived at the house at 10am local time!) of hanging out and greeting friends as they arrived. We swam in the ocean and hung out in the hot tub. Then we all ate dinner together outside, to the sound of the crashing waves.
At the beach. A view of the house (and hot tub!) from the beach access.
The first night I was so tired I felt like I was hallucinating, so I headed to bed at 8pm. I was up super early the next day, so I headed out for a run.
Sunday 7/28
This was my first run in Hawaii. I’m not sure why I’ve never gone out before, probably because it’s always warm here and I wasn’t quite sure where to go. But this is our third year here so I knew where the bike paths could take me and at 6:00am it was cool enough to head out. I’m so glad I did. It was awesome to be up right after sunrise. I love experiencing a beautiful place on a run. It’s the best.
A chicken crossing the road.
Back at home, we took advantage of our first full day to go snorkeling. As always, it was amazing. It was especially fun to show our friends our favorite places to snorkel.
We stopped for lunch on the way home, and saw this bird just walking on the stop of a bush by our table.
We had another dinner together at the house on Sunday night. Then there was Olympic Games viewing. I went out to the hot tub to look at the stars, which were marvelous.
Monday 7/29
A lot of the adults at the house had to work on Monday, so the families with kids went to “Tommy’s pool” as we call it, because well, it is Tommy’s pool. And it’s magnificent.
This whole trip is predicated on the kindness of a few individuals who have tremendous wealth and love to share it with others. And I’m so happy that they do. I mean, look at this freaking pool. That is just at someone’s house. (To be fair that someone designed and built the pool so…)
We stayed there all afternoon, playing in the sun and water. It was a beautiful day.
The water slideSo many places to jump from
In the evening we went to the Maui Brewing Co to eat dinner. Then at home we watched more of the Olympics.
Monday was a very clear day. Even Io Valley was clear! This morning (Tuesday) we woke up to rain and it reminded me how lucky we’ve always been with the weather here. I hope that keeps up after today!
Today was a DAY! And I was realizing in the middle, when I felt like I had hit ALL THE WALLS, that I haven’t had a day like this in a long time. I guess I really am getting some rest this summer. Hooray!
Today I was up at 7am to check in for tomorrow’s flight. I was already up, because when I’m stressed, and know I have a lot to do, I wake up really early and can’t fall back asleep. That was this morning, despite the fact that I couldn’t fall asleep until 1am last night. Boo!
I had to leave around 9am, which gave me a little under 2 hours to get stuff done, and I used that time wisely. I did a big clean on one of the cat boxes, cleaned up and vacuumed my son’s floor, started a load of towels, and washed some dishes. I left right on time, and was down at my parents’ house to pick up my son’s stuff by 9:30am. I hung out with them for about 30 minutes, and then headed to the sleep away camp to pick up the girls.
Camp pick up went fine. The girls were clearly exhausted. They each shared some highs and lows. They talked a little about the week. After about 20 minutes they got quiet and closed their eyes. They were clearly worn out.
Everyone was home by 1:15pm, and I immediately got my daughter’s clothes in the washing machine. I packed my own stuff into the Cotopaxi bag that she brought to camp. I also packed my son’s clothes (my mom had washed them for me!) My daughter tried on her new shoes (she loves them!) and checked her phone. By 2:15pm I was back on the road, this time to get my son from camp at my school.
I dropped off the piece of furniture in my classroom and took all the busted Chromebooks out of my cart for tech to look at. Then my son and I headed home.
When I got home (again!) my daughter’s clothes were done, so we repacked her for a FOURTH time this summer. Luckily she has been wearing the same set of clothing for each trip, so we can easily see if something is missing.
I did more work around the house, putting batteries in the automatic cat feeders and putting together everyone’s carry-ons. At some point in the late afternoon I realized I lost my sunglasses. I had put them on top of the car yesterday and I don’t remember moving them so I must have pulled out and they fell into the street. I’m so annoyed at myself because I knew I shouldn’t leave the case up there, but I did it anyway. I didn’t even like my sunglasses, and barely wore them, but it still sucked to know I lost them. This is when I really hit several walls in quick succession.
I was about to lose it.
I did pull it together, and by the time my husband got home I had both kids packed and was feeling a little better about everything.
Our flight is at 7am tomorrow, so we’re planning to be out the door at 5:15am. I want EVERYTHING ready to go (except our phones) before we fall asleep. I even want socks on shoes in the stairwell. We’re going to get up, brush our teeth, put on our clothes, and go. There will not even be coffee! (It will have to wait for the airport). It’s going to be rough, but I think we can do it.
I really wish our flight wasn’t pushed up like this. Both kids are grumpy and stressed about tomorrow morning, and I can’t blame them. I know we booked this flight on a Saturday because it was cheaper and because we wanted more time in Hawaii, but I hope that next year I remember how rushed this all feels. I’m pretty sure we bought our flights before I signed my daughter up for sleep away camp, and this was the only week that worked for her friends, so maybe it’s impossible to maintain the margins people need when so many aspects of scheduling are out of our control.
I keep reminding myself that on the other side of all this we’ll be in Hawaii with friends. It’s absolutely worth it. And so far it seems like no one is sick (I just knocked on wood), though I know my daughter just got back and might have something brewing inside her. But we’ll already be there by the time we know, and won’t have to worry about whether or not we should go. You may recall that the day before our first trip to Hawaii, my daughter and I spent 1.5 hours in a car with someone who tested positive for Covid that evening, so we had to decide if we should even go, then the whole family had to stay sequestered in an isolated area of the house for five days. Last year one of the cats was having severe intestinal distress (read: literally shitting all over the house), so I had to stay home for two days while my family went without me. This is the first year that it looks like we can all go together, without issue. Let’s hope that remains the case!
I will try to update again once we get to Maui. I hope you’re all having fabulous final days of July!
It’s Thursday night, which marks the end of our three-nights-without-kids. It has been a lovely little stint in which we really did get to unwind and enjoy ourselves. I think having last week to decompress from the first half of summer allowed me to really take advantage of the three day kid-break we got this week. I am really thankful for that.
Some highlights from the past four days…
Monday I hung out in my classroom while my son was at camp. All the furniture had been moved to deep clean the floors, but I was able to measure some wall space and order some stuff I’ll need to revamp my classroom library in the fall. I’m excited for how it’s going to look.
My husband and I randomly watched Dazed and Confused on Monday night, on a whim, while he was getting work done. I haven’t seen that movie in ages and it was just what I needed to turn my brain off at the beginning of the week (and after teaching my monthly Basics class at the dojo, which always stresses me out).
Tuesday, after taking my son to camp and dropping his stuff of at my parents’ house, I went for my first interval run using the Peloton app. It was already quite warm at 10am (80*, which I know is nothing to most people but is hot for me – how do Jenny and SHU run during the Florida summer!?), but I still managed to complete a 30 minute run with some pretty fast final intervals. It was the first time I tried a run on the Peloton app and I really liked it. I probably won’t do one every time I run, but I will try to do them regularly.
Tuesday evening I met my husband at work and we walked to a stellar drinks spot before dinner. The only problem that night was that I ate so much I felt truly uncomfortable on the walk home.
Wednesday I did a killer 45 minute full body strength class (Jess Sims – I love her!), and I had the wherewithal to use lighter weights for the lower body work, so I didn’t blow out my quads like last week (I could barely walk for three days and they were sore for over a week! So unnecessary!) I really like the 45 minute strength classes – I always feel proud of myself when they are done.
Wednesday night I met my friends for dinner and drinks to celebrate my birthday. The weather was gorgeous (very rare in our neighborhood in July) so we walked to the restaurant, which was lovely. The best part was that my friends went in (with my husband) on a one day ticket to Outside Lands so I can see Chappell Roan with my daughter and husband. The tickets are expensive, so I wasn’t sure I should go. I really appreciate them getting me a ticket. It was very sweet, and I’m so excited that I can go.
My husband came for the end of drinks and then we walked home together. At home we watched an amazing Polish movie (Sweat) about a young fitness influencer dealing with the reality of living online for her fans. It was stellar. Oh and we ate furikake popcorn (my favorite!)
Thursday my husband took off work so we could hang out. We stayed in bed for hours and it was divine. When we finally got up, we did some packing and cleaning up. I worked out quickly (30 minute intervals and arms with Tunde) and then we walked into the Mission for a late lunch at a new (to us) Mexican spot, which was very good. Then we walked to the Alamo Drafthouse to see the first showing of Deadpool & Wolverine. We laughed our asses off – it was a really good time. Super fun movie; I highly recommend.
Over the past few days I’ve done quite a bit of picking up around the house. I even cleaned the upstairs shower! And I’ve been packing. I got all the snorkel gear from the shed and pulled down the big piece of luggage we pack it in. I realized my son’s snorkel set was too small, so I ordered myself a new set, so he can use his sister’s and she can use mine. I realized my daughter doesn’t really need to wear a life vest anymore so I pulled that out of the luggage, which made space for a blow-up bed for our son (both kids thrash about when they sleep, so we think they’ll sleep better in separate beds). I got that piece of luggage all packed up and ready to go early, so I could focus on clothes.
My husband and I are now packed. The kids aren’t, because they aren’t home and most of the clothes they will be taking are with them. Friday (technically today now, because it’s 12:08am!) I will be driving to pick up my daughter (and her friends) from camp, bringing her home, starting her laundry, and then heading down to pick up my son from camp. I’ll probably be in the car for 4-5 hours tomorrow, which is not ideal, but doable. When I get home I need to get the laundry done so I can pack the kids up. Our flight is at 7am on Saturday (why?!) so we need to be READY to leave when we fall asleep Friday night.
I can’t wait to hear about my kids’ weeks, especially my daughter’s. She hasn’t had her phone so we haven’t heard a word from her since Sunday. I can’t wait to hear all about her time away, and to tell her about stuff she missed (she is a HUGE Charli XCX fan and is going to LOVE the “Kamala is brat” tweet). I’m also looking forward to seeing my son, who I’ve talked to briefly this week (he doesn’t love to talk on the phone or via FaceTime) and to hear how his camp went.
Tomorrow is going to be very chaotic, but I’m ready for what I hope will be a relaxing week in Maui. This year a good friend is coming for the first time (he’s the person who introduced my me and my husband), and I’m excited to do all our favorite things with him and his fiancee. It will make it a really fun trip. I even rented an SUV so we can all drive together when they do stuff with us!
It’s crazy to think that when we get back, summer is basically over. I’m trying not to think about that too much, and instead am focusing on Hawaii and what a great opportunity it will be for my family to spend quality time together in a place we love. I really do think we’ll have a great time, and I know how lucky we are to get to go.
This past week was really nice in that I got to connect with my husband for the first time this summer. Things have been so busy and he’s been working long hours when we’re not traveling, to make up for the days he’s away. He and I have barely seen each other it feels like, so this past week was absolutely what we needed to reconnect. I’m excited, and very grateful, to bring our renewed energy with us to Hawaii.
I convinced my husband to say no to a last minute request from work to staff the mayor tomorrow. It’s his birthday tomorrow and he definitely doesn’t want to go, and I’m so glad he told them he couldn’t. It’s hard for him to say no, but it was the right move. he would have been miserable, on his birthday! No thanks.
My daughter and I will be alone at home tonight and we plan to watch the Scott Pilgrim movie, because she is obsessed with the anime series on Netflix. I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with her lately, and she’s about to go to away camp.
My two friends and I will all be driving our daughters down to camp together tomorrow, and then hanging out afterward. Yay for time with my friends!
We will be staying in our regular rooms at the house in Hawaii AND we won’t be there the same week as the newborn baby. We are so lucky to be invited to this house in Hawaii and I would never complain about the logistics, but I appreciate not having any big unknowns going in, especially things like sleeping arrangement changed that might stress out the kids.
I got my daughter new shoes for the new school year. Her one pair of converse was in very rough shape, so it was time. I hope she likes them all and they fit. She recently shot up another 1.5 inches (she is now fully an inch taller than me!) but her feet seem to be the same size. I hope that remains the case because she’s the same size as me. I love that we can borrow each other’s shoes.
I also recently ordered my son new shoes (I lost a beat up pair on the trip) and got him a new backpack at Costco. I just ordered my daughter a new backpack as well, so we are officially ready for the new school year. My son will probably need a new set of grey shirts at some point (he has to wear a grey top and black bottoms to school) but I’ll get those during the back to school sales. It feels really good to know we have everything we need for their school years. My anxiety about the unknowns of new school years manifests as a compulsion to buy supplies, and this year that anxiety has been heightened with my daughter’s start to high school.
After four solid days of decompression, I find myself prepared to start doing shit again. I’m glad I let myself take that time. I needed it so much that I wasn’t stressed out by how gross the house looked. It was like I didn’t even see it.
Now, I’m seeing it. And I’m ready to do something about it.
To be fair, I started a couple days ago, just quietly moving things back to their general areas. It was never a concerted effort, just I’m going downstairs anyway, so I’ll bring these towels that have been sitting in a laundry bag for three days. It was nice to feel casual about it, and honestly I think maybe I needed things to get to a better place before I could feel capable of tackling it all. It’s a relief to know that sometimes these things can happen organically. I suppose that was possible because I knew I had two weeks before our final trip of the summer.
I started packing my daughter for away camp that way too. Where did I put those pants of hers I borrowed for the KOA? Here they are, I will just plop them down by her desk for when we start packing. Before I knew it, I had refilled all her toiletry bottles and lined them up on the window sill of the bathroom. Now most of the “not her normal every day clothes” stuff has been added to the pile by her desk, so all she needs to do is choose what she wants to wear there.
After four weeks of not letting work enter my mind, I’m starting to think about that again too. On Monday my son starts a camp on my campus and I plan to spend the day in my classroom so I don’t have to drive all the way back home and then down again. Knowing I’m going to be there again soon is prompting my to think of how I can help future me out by getting stuff done now. Next year I will have TWO 1B classes for the first time in my 20 year teaching career next year, which means some stuff will have to be done differently. I want to start preparing for that this summer, while I have the time and energy.
I ended up getting quite a few things during Prime Day. I don’t usually find much that I want or need on sale, but this year I did. Some things I grabbed:
two Speedo swimsuits for my daughter (at only <$20 a pop!!)
two 3-packs of boys joggers that I hope will be long enough to fall to my son’s ankles but also small enough to not fall off his hips
a 6-pack of socks for my son (where did all his socks go?!)
USB to lightening cords (ours are starting to work only sporadically)
a oscillating circular saw for $30 (we may be getting a free refrigerator from a friend that requires I cut 3/4″ out of our cabinet)
a new, larger weighted blanket for our son (his old one is too short now) for <$20
a zip up hoodie for myself (my old one has been missing for long enough that I assume it’s lost)
two “police” shirts for skits at school (I’ve had them in my “saved for later” for over a year and this is the only time they’ve ever gone on sale)
a new weekly task planner (mine will be out when school starts again).
The best thing though is something I got before Prime Day (it didn’t go on sale anyway) was this insane pair of Crocs for my son, who grew out of his old pair this summer.
It turns out, if you go to the Crocs page on Amazon and just keep scrolling, you’ll eventually come across their Crocs x Pringles collab and, if you’re me, lose your GD mind.
He LOVES them and I love them and since he’s now only one size smaller than me, I can wear them at least every once in a while (Crocs are big enough that I can wear a size smaller). These arrived on my birthday and even though they weren’t for me, they made me so happy. The mustache backs!!!
I meant to write more but the day for away from me. My parents took me to a belated birthday lunch at Mission Chinese to get my favorite dish (thrice cooked bacon with rice cakes) and then my daughter and I finished 3 Body Problem. My husband and I walked up to our son’s camp to see the skit presentations and then we all walked back. Our daughter has a friend spending the night so we let our son play video games and it felt like a Friday. I keep having to remind myself that he still has camp tomorrow.
I need to pick up the pace on tackling my to-do list. My husband’s birthday is on Sunday and our daughter is leaving for away camp. It feels simultaneously like here is a lot going on and not much at all. I’m struggling to get my bearings. I’m trying to be patient with myself.
This is the murky middle of summer. It’s a weird place to be.
My summer break is eight weeks long. I’ve been thinking of it in 2-week chunks. The first two weeks were camping and the KOA. The second two weeks were our trip to St. Louis and Chicago. These two weeks are home with kids in camps and the final two weeks are Hawaii and home getting our asses ready for a new school year.
Half of my summer break is already over. It feels like it’s happening too fast.
I didn’t mean to be away for another week. We had a great time in Chicago. I intend to write a post about it soon. We got back late Saturday night and spent Sunday recuperating. This week my son has been in camp and my daughter is swimming in the mornings. She goes to away camp on Sunday so we’re getting ready for that.
This is my first week of summer break where I’ll be sleeping in my bed every night. I am very much looking forward that. The start of the summer was a little too action packed for me. I am reveling in just hanging out at home this week.
It helps that my daughter and I are binging 3 Body Problem during the day. I’ve read the whole trilogy (in Spanish) and recently reread the first book. My daughter read the first book and most of the second (in English). We have this week to watch and so we’re going for it. It’s been a lot of fun.
I’m also floundering a bit. I can’t seem to get my bearings. The house is a mess but I can’t seem to motivate myself to clean it up. My to-do list keeps getting longer but I never manage to cross anything off it. I’m struggling and I’m not sure why. But I have some ideas.
My husband is struggling. The summer is always hard for him. I think it’s hard to see other people having breaks that he doesn’t get. And then when he is traveling, he gets a reminder of how happy he is when he’s not at work, only to go back to an avalanche of shit that piled up while he was away, making work that much more unbearable in between trips. I totally get it, and I try to support him by taking over the mornings and afternoons house and childcare duties, which feels like the least I can do when I’m not working.
The news cycle is definitely weighing on me. It’s so grim. It feels so hopeless. I’m not really sure how to think about it all without spiraling, so I just push it out of my mind. But that takes a lot of energy. It’s exhausting. And it makes me feel guilty because it’s my immense privilege that allows me to ignore it. And I shouldn’t.
Today is my birthday. I’m 44. I’m feeling… frustrated with aging. My body doesn’t work the way it used to. And it’s not even that it’s always worked perfectly or anything, but I knew how to navigate it’s specific eccentricities and now it feels like I’m never sure how it’s going to react. I think I might be fully in menopause, but it’s hard to tell with my wonky reproductive system. My lower back hurts most of the time. I put on weight so easily now and I can’t seem to get it off. My body looks and feels different. The skin of my arms has a crepe paper texture. My face is plagued with rosacea that I haven’t figured out how to control. I hate that I care so much about how I look and I want to age gracefully because who cares, really? I’m lucky to not be in a profession where my looks determine my earning power, or even affect it any way and I’m even luckier that my body can still perform the tasks I ask of it. It healed after a major injury – that should be enough! And yet I don’t know how to let go of caring. I was literally googling “how to not care about how I look” last night before I went to sleep. I don’t want to be vain.
I am disappointed that I’m writing this. My summer has been lovely. It really has been so, so fun. My kids are at an age where being with them is not only not that hard, but genuinely fun most of the time. We’ve only had a few isolated moments where I felt overwhelmed with them. There has been rest. There has been relaxation. Amazing memories have been made. I cannot complain. And yet here I am, complaining. I guess I always find a way.
This morning my husband got up early with our daughter to let my sleep in a bit on my birthday. When I fell back asleep I had a horrible dream about being late for something. All my stress dreams are about being late, and specifically, about not being able to get back where I need to be; I’m either lost, or there is some obstacle in my way, or both. I usually only have these dreams during work, but I’ve had several this summer. And lately, there has been an added element of me begging someone else to help me but getting nothing in response. I’ve done some cursory googling about “being late” dreams and not surprisingly they are related to anxiety and feelings of overwhelm. Dreaming about being lost can signal feelings of being left behind or not fitting in, or searching for meaning in one’s life. I mean it all tracks!
I’m sure this is just general decompression, compounded by perimenopause – or actual menopause?! – hormonal swings, mixed together will general ambivalence about aging. It’s taken me a lot of years to understand and accept that I can feel immensely grateful and confused and adrift. Those feelings are not mutually exclusive. No two (or more!) emotions are.
Today I’m getting a 90 minutes massage. And I’m buying myself an ube and young coconut ice cream cake from Mitchell’s. My husband is bringing home Curry Up burritos and my daughter and I are going to try to finish 3 Body Problem. Everyone in my family gave me a card when I work up. It’s going to be a really nice birthday. And I intend on enjoying it, even if my lower back hurts.
Back of the card my husband made for me. Also, check out my birthday Reductress. It’s so me-core. It’s perfect. 🤣
