Not a Wasted Word

February was kind of a rough month, but the FIGs Collective absolutely made it better. Finding my own FJIGs, and reading about other people’s FIGS, definitely helped me Find Joy In Gratitude. Thank you Elizabeth, for celebrating this practice during what can be a long, dark 28 days.

Sunday 2/22. I took the 12yo and his friend to play mini-golf. I am really enjoying the 2nd Scythe book (Thunder Head) which I listened to for over two hours while I made a crazy amount of pancakes. Honestly that is all I got on this day.

Monday 2/23. The 12yo wanted to work on his form! I used to have to beg him (or bribe him) to prep for a test but now he’s taking responsibility for it himself.

Tuesday 2/24. I got good stuff at Grocery Outlet! Sometimes Gross Out (as the 15yo calls it) is a bust and sometimes it’s the best! Also, I did this during the 12yo’s swim practice, and I love using that time wisely.

The 12yo finished his cell project! I helped him print the labels with my little label printer and I helped him organize his thoughts for his essay, and now both the cell model and essay are done! He worked really hard on it, and had a really good attitude about it. I’m both proud of him and relieved that it’s done.

Wednesday 2/25. After considering a last minute cancel of the yearbook meeting, I pulled together the theme-vote form so that we not only had the meeting, but it was actually useful. I got the class characters done for the 1A classes so we could invent new ones on Thursday.

Thursday 2/26. This day was brutally long, and I was “in front of the class” for a big chunk of all my four 85-minute block classes. But! I managed it really well, and made myself be really aware of the downtime I scheduled into each block. Also, one of the classes created a class character that is a piece of “drippy” pizza and the two artists hit it out of the park with their rendition. I love Jeff so much!

Friday 2/27. I made it to the 15yo’s swim meet in time to see her swim two events, and we had a nice conversation on the drive home. The weather was crazy nice (75* in the city)!

Saturday 2/28. The 15yo and I had an hour to kill before her commitment in Santa Cruz and we were close to Natural Bridges, so we went to check it out. Then we walked along this beautiful street between crazy nice houses and cliffs looking out over the ocean. It was a great way to start the day.

While she was at her thing, I sat at a cafe (where I found shade and had Wi-Fi!) and wrote three blog posts and commented on some people’s posts! Again the weather was crazy nice!

I finished three posts while I enjoyed that drink, including my February Look Back / March Look Ahead post! Let’s gooooo!

*TS PMO = this shit pisses me off. I put a space between the S and P because when my daughter says it (which is constantly) she pauses after the S and it’s a pronounced pause so in my head I hear it as two separate “phrases.” Anyway, has been saying it long and often enough that I’m starting to think it and now you all have to be exposed to it too.

This past week was rough. I don’t want to write a whole post highlighting the negative, but I also feel like I need to vent a little bit. I’ll try to keep it light! But if you don’t need a bitch fest during your weekend feel free to skip this one!

Don’t fix what isn’t broken! I have been waiting for this two-pack of CK bras I love to come back to Costco for (over?!) a year. I used to have a pair and I wore them out, then when they came back again there were only smalls left, and while I attempted that size, they could not corral my ladies. They need more coverage! So when I finally spotted them at Costco last week I shrieked with delight. I bought two packs I was so happy! I opened one and washed them, and then I put one on and it… itched like crazy! They wrote Calvin Klein across the side and even though it’s on the outside, my sensitive ass skin can feel it through the fabric and it does NOT approve. I’m so bummed out. WHYYYY did they have to ruin a perfectly awesome bra. NO ONE IS SEEING YOUR BRAND NAME UNDER MY ARM PIT. Ugh, such a bummer.

Where are my margins?! Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday I was either working, doing chores, or deeply involved with a kid for literally every minute of my day. This is not hyperbole! As I lay in bed on Sunday I looked back at the day and could not identify one moment where I sat the fuck down. I can’t remember the last time a weekend day felt so impacted. Monday and Tuesday were the same. I’m not quite sure why all three days felt so exhausting and awful, but it was not a great way to start the week. I feel like I’ve been trying, and failing, to catch up ever since.

{Insert exaggerated yawn here} On a related note, I have been dragging ass lately, like slapping my face to stay awake on the drive home tired. I definitely wasn’t getting enough sleep at the start of the week, but a few nights of 6.5 hours of sleep has not seemed to make a difference. I wondered if I was getting sick, but no symptoms have materialized. Why do I feel like all I can manage is a nap on the couch by 4pm every day this week? It’s making the days feel extra long.

Rec & Park strikes again. SF Rec & Park and I have had a tumultous relationship for over a decade, so that is assuredly exacerbating my annoyance about this, but still…. The city pool that the 15yo’s school uses is being renovated and they were just told that it won’t be ready in early March like planned, so instead of having practice four days a week after school, they have practice two times a week before school. Before school practice doesn’t work well for students that have to take buses half way across the city (and require VERY early wake ups), so we decided she would just swim with her club team. I went to pay for this session and I had to pay full price for what ended up being only three weeks, and then I’ll have to pay again for the rest of the season. I’m so mad that I have to pay $500 for my daughter to be able to participate in a high school sport that should be free! And I’m sad she’s missing a whole season of training with her high school team. It sucks. And it seems like it could have been avoided if the city gave a fuck about the high school swim season.

 Springing forward a week early?! This morning the 15yo needed to be in Santa Cruz at 9:45. The husband had a work event all day, and I didn’t have to teach at the dojo so I took her. I knew what time she needed be there and I knew how long it took to get there and yet I woke us up an hour earlier than necessary and we left an hour earlier than we needed to and we got here exactly an hour earlier than was required. Waking up at 6am on a Saturday is bad enough when I’m not feeling so tired all the time, but this morning I was devastated to realize my mistake. And how or why did I make the mistake? I have no idea. I don’t know what happened in my head. This is such a very ADHD thing… you make a quick calculation and you just, don’t double check it. We ended up walking along the water and the weather was beautiful and it was a lovely 60 minutes (it will be in my FJIGS tomorrow!) but man I could have used that sleep.

Speaking of the husband’s weekend work event… It’s SF Music Week (what does that mean? Beats me!) and the husband has had events pretty much every evening for seven days. It’s been a huge success and he’s very happy and also it’s working out so well for him because I’m doing EVERYTHING at home. There has been more to do at home than usual so I’m feeling pretty fried. I am very much looking forward to his participation on the home front when Music Week is over.

{Had to add this one because it’s kind of breaking my heart… I’m in Santa Cruz and it’s such a beautiful day and I have all these hours to kill and I would DEFINITELY be going for a run if my knee weren’t jacked up. But it’s been especially sore lately so attempting to run would be a bad idea. I did bring my walking shoes, but still… it’s different! I miss running and I’m really going to miss running as the weather gets warmer. Just super bums me out.}

I forgot to link to the wonderful Elizabeth in last week’s FJIGS post, and she is the one who makes this happen every February so not linking to her is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Luckily there are still two more weeks in February (counting this one), so I can rectify that error now and next time. If you want to check out her round up of the FIG Collective’s week 1 and week 2 posts, you can click those links! (It must take a long time to gather all those FIGS (and photos!) and compile them into a post. I am, as always, impressed by her efforts).

Sunday 2/15. We had beautiful weather for what ended up being our only full day in the snow. A family was at our favorite sledding spot near Kirkwood, building out a connector between two sledding hills to make an extra long run and I went down it twice! It was super fun and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Our blow-up sled had a hole but the glue and duct tape I brought patched it well enough. (We’ve used that sled for YEARS and honestly I’m shocked it only just got a tear last year.) I had the right pump to blow up the tube we bought last year, but couldn’t use, and that was a ton of fun too.

Back at Iron Mountain, we wrote messages to each other in the snow, and attempted to build a snow man. It was a long, fun, day.

Monday 2/16. Black Chasm Cavern for the win when inclement weather made our second day in the snow a no-go. We went on the cave tour at 1pm, got gourmet ice cream in homemade waffle cones at 2pm, and were watching the snow fall at our cabin (1500 ft below the snow line) at 3:00pm. By 3:30pm we were packing up to go home early, because the snow was falling fast, and we worried we wouldn’t be able to get the Prius out, even with the chains. We were packed in less than an hour, and stalled out on a hill, putting on our chains, by 4:50pm. I was very grateful that it started to snow so early that we had time to pack up and leave. And I was equally grateful that our chains fit and helped us get out of the neighborhood and onto the highway despite the copious snow fall.

Tuesday 2/17. I reveled in sleeping late in my own bed instead of waking up early to try to get our car packed in the snow. I also appreciated not having to stress about getting the kids to their dentist appointments in time. And best of all, the husband filed our taxes for us! I would HATE that loathsome chore, and I am VERY grateful that he has taken it on since we stopped using our CPA.

Wednesday 2/18. Both kids went to school! Woo hoo! I spent over an hour cleaning up our unit, which had accumulated so much stuff during the Christmas Break, and after our Death Valley and snow trips. It felt really good to actually put so much stuff away. We did a lot of punching at the dojo during General class and it felt really good to get out a little aggression.

Thursday 2/19. Thunder Head and The Tolls, books 2 and 3 in the Scythe series, were on deep discount on Audible (all the audio books in the series are “Audible Originals” so I can’t borrow them from the library lending apps), so I got them each for $5. I’m excited to keep listening to them as the 12yo keeps reading them, so we can chat about them every once in a while (he doesn’t LOVE talking about books with me, but that doesn’t stop me from trying!).

We started Stranger Things season 5 and Holly (Mike’s little sister) has the Rainbow Brite bed sheets of my childhood! What a trip to see them there on the screen.

Friday 2/20. I had a yummy lunch with the husband, which warmed up relations between us after a little spat we had that morning.

I serendipitously ended up in a book store where I was reminded I want to read Alchemized. And then I found the Spanish version on Audible! I also saw this book, which I absolutely judged by its cover (and the images printed on the page sides!). Then it was available at a nearby library even though it’s new!

Saturday 2/21. I felt really confident teaching my class at the dojo. The more I teach martial arts, the better I get at teaching martial arts! Not shocking I know, but still appreciated.

I also felt confident during sparring. My ground grappling could use some serious work, but when I sparred a yellow belt I definitely felt in control and like I actually had something to show him. My martial arts confidence can come in fits and starts, so I appreciate it when it shows up.

I walked home with the 12yo again and that was nice. He has a big project due this week and he’s had a really good attitude about working on it independently. He is also working really hard to test with some other red belts early next month, and he’s facing that challenge with a great attitude as well. Honestly it’s like I hardly recognize him right now, he has been putting his head down and doing hard work without any complaining. It’s amazing!

We watched the final Mission Impossible movie as a family Saturday night. It was a ton of fun. I REALLY enjoy watching movies with my family right now. We talk a ton and have to pause constantly, but we make such fond memories. I really, really enjoy it.

UESF Strike

We got an email last Friday morning that the UESF union and district had reached a tentative agreement. After a week out of school, our kids were back this Wednesday (they had Tuesday off for Lunar New Year). I’m so relieved that the strike is over, and that the union is happy with their new contract. I really hope the district doesn’t have to make cuts in the future because of funding deficits.

Honestly, the strike was really hard for us. It felt like the district was being painted as the big corporate bad guy, like they were Amazon trying to screw all their workers for profit. But the reality is so much more complicated than that. My husband eventually was able to articulate that it felt so bad because the problems are so complicated and systemic (at both the state and federal level) and yet we’re left to fight over them in hyper localized, unwinnable conflicts. The strike may be over, but the crisis of public education funding is not.

Snow

Our trip to the snow was fun, but abbreviated. We knew a storm was coming through, and that we’d probably not be able to make it to the Sno Parks on Monday, so we left earlier on Saturday, and went all the way up to the snow that afternoon. We didn’t blow up the sled or tube, but we hiked around, checking out the Sno Park. As I said in my last post, there was very little snow in the Sierras until recently, and I was worried the Sno Parks would be bare. But Iron Mountain, one of our favorite Sno Parks, had plenty of snow and that was a big relief.

Sunday ended up being our only full day in the snow, and we made the most of it. We packed lunch, and were up at our favorite sledding spot near Kirkwood by noon. We spent some time there sledding and tubing, then headed back down to Iron Mountain for some more general playing in the snow.

Monday morning it was raining at the cabin. We went up the mountain a bit to see the snow fall but we didn’t have to go very far. Chain control was much lower than we anticipated and it was clear the storm was moving faster than predicted. We visited Black Chasm Cavern to give us something to do. The tour was great, both entertaining and educational. We were very pleased that we went.

Back at the cabin the rain turned to snow around 3:00pm. The cabin we stay at is below the snow line by about 1500 feet, and while we knew it might snow there early the next morning, we were concerned by how fast it was coming down that afternoon. By 3:30pm we decided to bail and by 4:45 the car was packed.

Storm

In the hour it took us to pack the car, about two inches of snow had fallen. We needed to put on chains to get out of the neighborhood. It rained for much of the drive home. Tuesday morning there was thunder and lightening and then it hailed, both rare occurrences here. It stormed all day Tuesday, most of Wednesday and the first half of Thursday. On Tuesday, 100 miles of I-80 were closed at Donner Pass because of blizzard conditions. My dad sent me tons of videos of cars and trucks spinning in circles. It was crazy, and I’m so glad we left when we did. I don’t think we would have been able to get out if we’d stayed the night.

Highs this week have been in the 40s. I know that is balmy for most folks right now but for us it’s quite chilly. Our heater is running constantly but our house is still so cold. The downstairs especially is frigid. It’s not a super pleasant week to be at home, honestly.

February Break

Getting home early was much appreciated, especially since the kids had dentist appointments on Tuesday afternoon. We all appreciated sleeping in that morning and then lazing around. I did some work around the house. The husband filed our taxes. I cleaned out my dad’s car and drove it down to their house to get mine. The kids got their teeth cleaned and the 12yo went to swimming. They both got ready to rerun to school after a week and a half away.

My three days off have been… meh. I have been getting up to get the 15yo up and out the door. Should she be able to manage that herself? Maybe. Probably. But it felt like a lot to ask after the unexpected, extended break. I also offered to drive the 12yo to school on the two days I didn’t have an early morning dentist appointment (Thursday I got a cavity filled).

The nice part about waking up early is I’ve had a lot of time to get stuff done. I dried and repacked the snow clothes, and got them out to the shed during a break in the weather. I washed our bedding. Including all the myriad pillow casings (our pillows have zip up covers, which are encased in anti-allergy protectors). I got some work done.

Today I met the husband for lunch. Before heading home I walked to a Peet’s to get coffee (I have two gift cards and Peet’s is not long for this world) and lingered at a book store for a while. I didn’t buy anything, but I put a couple ideas on my TBR list. This afternoon I plan to do more work, a Peloton Pilates class and some clean up.

Coming up

It’s that time of year where summer is far away but we have to think about it incessantly for planning purposes. I think we’ve finally settled on St. Louis dates and I plan to buy those tickets today. The husband has been looking into summer camps for the 12yo and internship opportunities for the 15yo. As always, opportunities are scarce and impacted.

There are some fun things coming up between now and my summer break. The husband and I plan to visit friends in LA during my spring break (the kids are off the week before me). We’re going to a day of the La Onda music festival in Napa over Memorial Day weekend, where Ivan Cornejo and J. Balvin are both headlining. There are other smaller highlights, but those are definitely the biggest things I’m looking forward to. It’s nice to have some anticipated bright spots between now and summer break.

Sunday 2/8. I LOVED the Benito Bowl. The fact that the Super Bowl half time show – in 2026! – was sung entirely in Spanish, makes my heart so happy.

{Debí tirar más fotos was my most listened to album of 2025. I’ve been trying to get my classes to listen to more than a couple songs of it for MONTHS but they always ask me to switch to something else. Now they request Bad Bunny and sing along to some of the songs. It makes so happy. And I’ve earned a little street cred for being such a Bad Bunny fan for so long.}

Also, these cats had a fighting match and it was hilarious. I love when they fight, because they clearly both enjoy it very much.

Monday 2/9. I got BOTH SETS OF ASSESSMENTS scored! After not doing anything over the weekend, I locked in during my prep (and the random classes I was covering) and scored the Listening, Reading and Writing sections for both classes’ assessments. It felt really good to get caught up after falling behind. In the evening, we had time to watch TWO episodes of Percy Jackson. Only one to go!

Tuesday 2/10. My principal called me aside in the morning to tell me that at a leadership meeting, when they were asked to highlight an act of kindness they experienced recently, she mentioned that I had waited to flush for her the day before, when she was on the phone in the bathroom. And while that might seem weird, I love that I’m close enough with my principal that I felt I could say, “I waited to flush for you!” when we both walked out of the stalls yesterday after school, and that she just cracked up instead of being embarrassed. Teaching is hard, but it’s so much better when you like the adults you work with.

At home I enjoyed these two cats.

{I’ll admit, some of these gratuitous cat pics might be for Engie}

Wednesday 2/11. My 6th period (which I saw first thing because of our block schedule) was so good during their big assessment. I love that class and I’m so grateful for them. (I have since scored those assessments and they did really well! I’m very proud of them.)

Thursday 2/12. I was able to cast the Olympics on the Peacock app from my phone to the TVs so we could watch during the PE class block period. It was also sunny, so we could spend the other half of class outside on the black top. Back at home I got most of the packing done for our trip.

Wednesday night I texted the 12yo’s friends’ parents and we organized a meet up at a park, where they spent a few hours outside and together. After three days at home alone, this hang out was a big deal for the 12yo.

The 15yo’s plans with friends fell through, so the husband invited her to lunch by his work. She was disappointed that her friends cancelled on her, but she enjoys us enough that she was happy to meet up her dad instead. I’m very grateful that we have that relationship with her.

Friday 2/13. We woke up to an email announcing a tentative agreement between the union and the district. After a week of striking, teachers would be back in classrooms after the long weekend.

Nobody mentioned that it was Friday the 13th! Not all day long. Working in a middle school, I call that a win!

My parents took the kids to the Exploratorium, which was offering free admission to SFUSD students during the strike. That place is expensive so we never go. And I know my parents LOVED getting to hang out with the kids.

Saturday 2/14. We only left an hour later than we wanted and had no issues getting to the cabin. After the 9+ hours in the camper van to Death Valley, less than three hours in my dad’s Prius felt like a breeze.

There was actually snow at the sno park even though there was barely any snow on the drive up. I’ve been nervous about the snow for weeks so that was a big relief.

Back at the cabin we had dinner and watched a movie – The Italian Job – but not before I made a fire and enjoyed a little cocktail.

I’m thankful that last week is over, the I’m hanging out with my family at a cabin for a few days, and that my kids will go back to school on Wednesday.

This is a weird week. It’s weird at home because UESF teachers are still on strike (we just got a text message at 5:15pm that schools are closed again tomorrow, for a third day), so both our kids are at home all day while we’re working (I teach in a different district than my kids attend).

It’s weird at work because the vast majority of the 7^th graders are at outdoor ed. I teach two classes that are mostly 7^th grade, so this week I have my 8^th graders from those classes with me while I cover other people’s classes. I am in a 6^th grade coding class during 2^nd period and an 8^th grade PE class during 5^th period.  

Next week my kids have Monday and Tuesday off (President’s Day and Lunar New Year) and I have the whole week off. We’re supposed to go to the snow for three nights, but it’s currently snowing quite a bit and it supposed to snow more over the weekend. We’ll be driving a Prius (my dad’s car) that I don’t currently have tire chains/cables for (I intend to buy some tomorrow).

I’m nervous for the trip to the snow. I’m nervous to drive and nervous to strain both my knee and shoulder. My knee is stiff and sore and popping painfully again, after a Saturday on the mat and two long walks. My shoulder actually feels pretty decent, and I want to keep it that way!

I’ve been in a funky head space recently. Actually, it’s mostly been a bad mood. I realized that it’s at least partially because of I’ve lost exercise as a mental health regulator. Usually I move my body to feel good, both physically and emotionally. Right now working out feels fraught. Am I actually hurting myself? Will my knee or shoulder be upset with me later? I’m so hyper aware of my body while I’m working out that I never get that release of just losing myself in the movement. And then later I feel bummed out because how I moved did, in fact, upset my knee or shoulder. So not only have I lost what used to be my source of emotional regulation, but it’s actually making me feel worse. It really sucks and it’s really getting me down.

This week I could really use the stress relief that exercise used to provide, but sadly I will not be getting it. I guess I have to find other ways to cope.

I’m participating in the FJIG* Collective this February, because embracing gratitude is important when the world is on fire. *Yes, I’m spelling it with the “j” because it looks striking that way.

Sunday 2/1. I vacuumed the floors, changed the sheets, made a few weeks worth of pancakes for lunch, AND did a 60 minute bike boot camp, all before meeting my friends at 2:30 to play pinball. Oh and I wasn’t out of bed until 10am. It felt really good to be done with all that so early in the day. We even had time to watch an episode of Percy Jackson that night!

Monday 2/2. I’ll be honest, I forgot about February FJIGS until later in the week and Monday was a ROUGH day, the kind of day that could have really used some intentional gratitude practice! Alas, I was not specifically searching for things to be grateful for and now I’m really struggling to come up with something. Oh I know! I’m thankful we have an elliptical, so I could get in some pain-free cardio while writing a blog post. Also, I made the 12yo put away his iPad and I found him later playing with the MagnaTiles, which I didn’t remember we had anymore.

Tuesday 2/3. The 1A classes really enjoyed the Digital Escape Room we did. I wasn’t sure it was worth the time commitment, but they had a ton of fun and had to work to review the material. I’m glad we did it. I’m thankful that I had the resource, had already used it a few times (and ironed out all the kinks) and was able to execute it so successfully.

Wednesday 2/4.

Thursday 2/7. The 12yos Homer-in-the-bush Chia Pet started to sprout. I love it so much.

Friday 2/6. I went to Safeway to get my daughter the chips she she loves and they were very much on sale, so I was able to make her day by buying her many bags of chips. It was nice for that quick errand to provide so much of what I wanted to get and such a good price. Also, PetCo had four boxes of Panther’s new wet food, after having not even one box of it the last time I went.

Saturday 2/7. So many FIGs on Saturday! It felt so good to be back on the mat (as a student) for the first time in over a month. I taught my class, then went to sparring, forms and advanced class and both my knee and shoulder felt okay at the end. The 12yo stayed for high belt so we left the dojo together. We walked over a mile to a new hamburger spot he likes by his school. We talked about the book we’re both reading (Scythe, it’s so good! I’m so glad I’m listening while he’s reading so I can talk with him about it). That night, we all watched Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning together that evening and it was super fun. It may be my favorite Mission Impossible movie. It was a really nice Saturday, and I was very grateful that it felt so… normal.

Five things I’m grappling with right now.

The general state of things. Ugh. The country is a dumpster fire. The world isn’t doing much better. Everything feels so fraught, and I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough to combat the horror… And Catherine O’Hara died and I’ve seen Waiting for Guffman so many times I can basically recite the whole movie, but her lines have always been the most fun to say. Corky we love you! We want you to live!

Local tragedy. Last Friday, during the nationwide walkouts, a highschooler was shot and killed here in San Francisco. My friend’s daughter knew her; she was also a sophomore at my friend’s daughter’s school. She was a sweet, vibrant, 15 year old that everyone loved, and now she’s dead, shot after she got into an altercation with someone at the protest, and was followed home. How exactly is one supposed to process that? I just have no idea.

Impending UESF Strike. San Francisco Unified School District teachers are striking next week. I, personally, have complicated feelings about it. Do I think teachers should be paid more? Yes, absolutely. Do I understand the district’s difficult financial situation as enrollment continues to decline? Also yes. I am very lucky that my kids are old enough to take care of themselves while we’re at work, so I don’t have to be writing sub plans for next week. But also, I want my kids to be in school learning and seeing their friends. I really hope the strike doesn’t last too long.

Superbowl city. Thank god the stadium is not ACTUALLY in San Francisco, but is instead about a 45 minute drive south, in Santa Clara. Even so, the city is going to be crazy this weekend and I am not looking forward to navigating said craziness. I know I’m a being a Grinch about this, but I don’t even like football, so having to be this hyper aware of an event I care nothing about, is exhausting.

My body. I’m definitely grappling with my body right now. How I look and feel. I tried a bike boot camp today, and thought I had avoided anything that would trigger shoulder pain or knee pain but ended up feeling both. I had to take off a pair of pants last minute earlier this week because they were just too tight. I just don’t feel comfortable most of the time, and I’m trying not to spiral about what the future is going to look like with possible chronic knee and shoulder injuries. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, but I have to admit, I’m struggling.

I was able to move my Sports Medicine appoint from this Tuesday to last Wednesday. I was thrilled! I called on Monday at 8:30am to see if there had been any cancellations and there had been! On Wednesday afternoon, which is the absolute best time for me to schedule appointments because we get out early on Wednesdays, and it’s a lot easier to miss a staff meeting than class.

Sadly, I was not as enthused when I left as when I walked in.

Turns out I am 45, and this is what having 45 year old knees is. He did an ultrasound and showed me the inflammation, which was milky colored which means it wasn’t new or acute, but suggested a chronic condition. He showed me that my bones are closer together on my left knee, which means the cartilage is more easily damaged. He said it’s definitely my meniscus, which was clearly inflamed on the ultrasound, but since he didn’t believe it was an acute injury he didn’t think an MRI was necessary. Basically, my knee is stable and I just have to figure out what makes it hurt and avoid that.

To say that I left feeling bummed out would be an understatement.

But, I kept myself from spiraling. Even though the ambiguity of “chronic inflammation” and “relative rest” (relative? relative to what?!) is hard for me to handle, I did not lose my shit. I definitely let myself grieve for my youth, when I didn’t need to be constantly fortifying myself against overuse injuries. But then I sucked it up and started googling.

Luckily my dojo bestie had already sent me her “favorite meniscus guy,” so I immediately dove in to his youtube channel. He had a message of hope, that one can return to the activities they love without meniscus pain. I watched almost an hour of his content, and felt better. I will be focusing on strengthening my glutes, and activating them more during pretty much all physical activities. This is already something I have worked on, and I had restarted my Strong Glutes program (which I believe helped me overcome chronic piriformas pain years ago) before I heard him talk about muscle imbalance (overused quads and hamstrings, underused glutes) causing meniscus pain.

About 48 hours after the appointment, I felt even better, because I had an idea of what might have triggered the pain in my knee. One of the questions the doctor asked me over and over again was, what did you do to piss it off (it being my meniscus) and I was panicking partly because I couldn’t think of a damn thing. I hadn’t been at the dojo for a couple weeks because I aggravated an old ACJ injury, so I was giving my shoulder time to heal. I hadn’t done any significant weight work the week before either. But then I remembered that the day before the run where it flared, I had hiked for five miles with my mom, in my zero drop shoes. I had also hiked in those shoes in Death Valley two weeks before. I believe those were the first long hikes I did in those shoes, and I think that might have been what caused the inflammation.

I definitely over pronate, and I buy running shoes that support against over-pronation and even buy expensive insoles that further guard against it. I bet all that hiking in shoes that do nothing to protect my knees from over pronation was the trigger for this, and identifying a probable cause made me feel a lot better, especially since that cause is so easily avoided.

So here I am, trying to wrap my head around the idea of “relative rest.” I’m thankful that the pain has settled to a very manageable place, and icing and NSAIDs aren’t necessary. I haven’t even been wearing a compression sleeve as much and my knee keeps feeling better. I’ll probably wait at least a couple more weeks (maybe a month?) before I attempt running (he suggested that if I’ve been pain free for a week I can give it a try and see how it goes – again, trying to embrace the ambiguity here!) I’m definitely more weary of returning to the dojo, where we get into deep stances and do a ton of pivoting and lateral movements, all of which I “feel” right now.

I will admit that between the ACJ flair and this new (and yet already chronic) knee issues, I’m feeling a little salty. I just want to be able to do all the things I love to do without my joints hurting! But I’m coming to understand that I’m going to have to do a lot of extra work to protect myself from overuse injuries moving forward. It’s just the reality of staying active in the second half of my life. The sooner I stop sulking about it, the better.

So I know I haven’t actually posted my goals yet, not my goals for the year, or Q1, or January. But! I do have some goals and I think I can write about what January looked like and what I hope February will be. So here is my attempt.

Connection

What went well: The husband and I started the month with a date weekend, went to dinner a couple times, and saw two SketchFest shows. The 15yo and I spent a lot of time together watching RHoSLC and having some interesting conversations. The 12yo and I spent a lot of time together driving to and from swimming, and he joined me a couple times to run errands and hang out. I took both kids to the Great Highway to ride bikes one weekend and we went to the mall yesterday, which was surprisingly fun. My friends and I went to dinner mid-month and today we went to Alameda to play pinball. I spent the day with my mom (hike + lunch) for her birthday.

What I’m still working on: Writing 2-3 blog posts a week and comment reciprocation!

Health/Wellness

What went well: I’ve been on the bike way more than 30-45 minutes a week since I hurt my knee. I started the Crushing Your Core strength program on Peloton. I am redoing the Strong Glutes program (Coach Sophia) to help correct muscle imbalance and improve my knee pain. The new prescription gel plus the new lotion seem to be working really well at managing my perioral dermatits!

What I’m still working on: Eating more fiber and drinking more water. Sleeping 6.5-7.5 hours a night.

Work

What went well: All the weeks of January have been added to my Tri2 planning doc. I’ve added story video options to my free reading program. I have been recording notes for each class every day for the past two weeks (who was absent, who was moved, etc).

What I’m still working on: I have not yet added audiobooks to my free reading program, or started a yearbook master document.

Home

What went well: I got an app and added a bunch of chores to it, assigned chores to the kids and husband, and helped them to use the app to track what they are doing. We still have a long way to go, but I’m excited to be trying something.

What I’m still working on: Being consistent in actually using the app. I also haven’t written a list of the chores I want to add to each kids’ list (I hope to add one chore each month).

Fun

What went well: We went to the Art of Manga exhibit at the deYoung as a family. We spent a lot of time together watching Stranger Things.

What I’m still working on: Feeling like I have 1-2 things to look forward to a week.

Planning/Recording

What went well: I have some annual goals written out for the year, and some Q1 goals. I plan to write out my February goals here. I’m using my planner pretty regularly, and changed the way I utilize the layout to make it more effective. I started using Google Tasks. I recorded my books/movies/TV shows for the month.

What I’m still working on: I did not do a financial review in January (and I don’t have a plan yet to do one). I don’t have a good system for actually using Google Tasks effectively yet. I am checking my planner consistently every morning.

February

And here are some things I hope to accomplish in February.

• Have fun on the snow trip weekend (even though the snow is evidently not great)
• Steam clean the downstairs (when I’m off and the kids are not, after the snow trip)
• Add a chore to each kid’s list and use the app consistently
• Write 2-3 blog posts a week, ideally on consistent days
• Respond to comments and/or comment on someone’s blog when they comment on mine
• Continue Strong Glutes program 2-3x/week
• Do shoulder rehab exercises at least 3x/week
• Slowly return to the dojo without aggravating my knee or shoulder
• Weekend check-ins (on Thursdays) and weekly check-ins (on Sunday) with husband
• Add February weeks to Tri2 planning document
• Sign the 15yo up for life guard training
• Decide on Hawaii trip for this summer
• Buy flights for Hawaii
• Figure out dates for St. Louis and possibly buy those tickets too
• Start thinking about summer camps for the 12yo

Obviously some of these are one-offs and others are consistent habits I’m hoping to solidify. Do they belong on the same list? Who knows! I’m new to this goal setting stuff and I’m doing my best.

On an unrelated note, the daily views here at the blog have gone up pretty significantly. Like a 240% increase over three days (my numbers are pretty low, so even doubling them is not a ton, but it’s definitely noticeable!). And I have no idea why. I can’t find any clues at the referrals tracker. I know most people would be thrilled if a bunch more people were reading their blog, but honestly it makes me anxious. Who are these people, how did they find me, and why are they still here? I am flummoxed! If you are one of these people (waves shyly) and wouldn’t mind letting me know in the comments, I’d appreciate it!