Uncategorized

Actually, my back pain is from… COVID

Posted on by noemikjames / 4 Comments

I don’t know why it took me so long to figure that out. I guess the idea that a virus would give me back pain just never entered my mind.

But my first 48 hours I had “body aches” which felt a lot like menstrual cramps and were focused mostly in my back. I laid on a hot water bottle for two days trying to alleviate the pain.

But then it went away. And now I guess it’s back. I haven’t done enough “research” into whether or not I should expect it to be a lingering issue. I’m sure said “research” will be inconclusive anyway.

But did you know that lower back pain is one of the most commonly reported symptoms of omicron? I did not.

So yeah. Just wanted to put that out there. Evidently if your stuffy nose and scratchy throat is accompanied by back pain – most commonly reported initially as similar to menstrual cramps or GI pain – you probably should take a rapid test.

I think I’ll try to find an acupuncturist to see if they can help…

Uncategorized

Thoughts on aging (that I can’t ignore)

Posted on by noemikjames / 8 Comments

But first, a PSA to parents: If your student is reporting troubling issues in a class, direct them to speak to the teacher about the issues themselves. Then, if they decide the issues are not being resolved after bringing them to the attention of the teacher, email or call the teacher yourself. Finally, if the issues persists, email or call the administration. DO NOT SKIP STEPS 1 AND 2! Emailing admin about how a teacher is not managing a problem for your child that they may not even know exists will probably hinder resolution of said problem, not aid it.

As you may have guessed, I had to deal with some bullshit at work this Monday that just sucked. It really devastated me mentally and emotionally at the start of the week and I’m still recovering. Also, parents can really, really suck. Not being a parent who sucks in this way is one of my most salient goals.

Yesterday my daughter turned 12. This was also an emotionally fraught moment for me, which I handled less well because of Monday’s continued fall out. I love my daughter and am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. But the fact that I can use the phrase “young woman she is becoming” about my first born is really messing with me.

On a related note I saw some photos of myself that reminded me I do NOT look like I did in my early 30s anymore. I think something inside me really believes I do, and it filters input on how I look (reflections or photos) to match that belief. But sometimes the filter takes a moment to update and I really see what I look like now and it’s startling. I’m starting to believe that I do not look like what I think I look like most of the time.

{This is filter is even more pronounced for my parents – sometimes I really see them and recognize just how much older they are than what I perceive and it’s very troubling.}

On another related note, my eye sight has gotten so, so bad. I desperately need to get a new prescription, but I’m worried the optometrist will try to sell me on progressives and I’m not sure I can handle those. Right now I wear reading glasses clipped into my pre-pandemic glasses to read or use the computer at home and I just don’t wear anything otherwise. At work I can barely see my computer and can’t read a lot of other things. I need to try something new but I’ve had so many total busts when it comes to my eyes and eye sight (contacts were a disaster for me, the negative affects of which I’m still dealing with) that I don’t anticipate actually being able to solve the problem.

Sleep is still elusive and does not seem to help me manage exhaustion in the ways it’s supposed to. There are so many days I can just not fall asleep even though my body and mind are wiped out. And most of the time if I do get to bed at a decent hour I wake up at an ungodly one. Sometimes (like last night) both happen! I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight and I was awake by 5:30am! I tried to fall back asleep for half an hour but finally just started writing this post on my phone.

{Productivity gurus who talk about manipulating sleep patterns (taking naps, or just going to bed early) must not have any issues with their sleep. Or at least they never seem to address the possibility of sleep issues in their work. I never had sleep issues before – they seem to be a fun side effect of perimenopause. Who knows if they will ever resolve themselves. If my mom’s experience is any indication, probably not.}

Finally, my body is handling stress less well, and I recognizing that managing chronic pain will almost certainly be a future requirement, one I will fail miserably at. I returned to the dojo last Wednesday and while all the kicking I enjoyed did not trigger my periformas syndrome like I thought it would, it did trigger lower back pain – which I have miraculously never had before in my life. So now I’m dealing with my first week of lower back pain and I lets just say I’m not managing it with much grace.

And I just changed the title of this post from “random thoughts at the end of the school year” to “thoughts on aging” because that’s what this whole post (minus the first paragraph) ended up being about! I suppose it’s been on my mind more than I realized lately. And I suppose when it affects pretty much every aspect of your life, it’s hard to ignore.

How do you feel about aging these days? Are any aspects of it more salient than others?

Uncategorized

My ask

Posted on by noemikjames / 7 Comments

Last week kind of sucked. There was a lot of getting too much done in too little time. There was a lot of feeling in the weeds and overwhelmed. There was a lot of remembering things last minute and scrambling to get them done. There was a lot of plans changing and feeling disappointment about those changes.

But in the end, the house got cleaned (which ended up being totally unnecessary) and my daughter was very happy with her family birthday party. She felt celebrated, was happy to have her cousins there, and loved all her presents. In her eyes it was a big hit, and that is all that matters.

I had a slightly different experience, and I’m processing that.

During the week I realized that we’ve fallen back into a pattern where I am responsible for more than I can manage, and (in my mind) more than my husband is doing. I think this is partly because, when my husband is doing a lot of cooking, duties at home feel much more evenly dispersed. But when he stops cooking regularly (because, say, he got Covid and felt really shitty), none of my responsibilities get picked up by him. We can order out and he doesn’t have to cook, but there is no outsourcing the laundry. And even when he’s not cooking, we split the dishes pretty evenly, so I don’t even get to do less in the kitchen.

I also ended up taking on a lot of cat care duties after the (crazy expensive) vet visit, which is a new set of responsibilities for me. Finally, all of this was compounded by the fact that I’m the only one who actually cleans anything. My husband does pick up, and is better at it than I am, but he NEVER cleans anything. He doesn’t even wipe the kitchen counters after he clears them off. It’s like he doesn’t even see how gross things get (if the state of his toothbrush charging base doesn’t prove this to you, nothing could).

I kind of unloaded on him Friday afternoon, and it didn’t go great (shocking!). But later, when the dust from the family party settled, I recognized my error and took responsibility for my delivery. Saying things don’t feel manageable is not helpful, what I need to do is ask for help and be very specific about what kind of help I want/need. I need to present my “ask”.

A couple months ago, when my husband was packing our weekends with plans, I lamented the fact that I felt I could never stay for the sparring class on Saturday at the dojo. He immediately requested I clarify “my ask.” What do you want to change? How can we make this better?

It was actually really hard for me articulate what I wanted. I mean, what I wanted was for it to be possible for me to go to sparring sometimes because we just didn’t have anything else going on. But that wasn’t really an ask. It was just a desire. In the end I asked for two Saturdays a month at sparring. And until we got Covid, I was getting that.

So now I need to figure out what my ask is for tasks around the house. I don’t think my husband will be able to help me with the cleaning, he just won’t see what needs to be cleaned and I’m not super interested in teaching him how to clean stuff (I will absolutely have to teach him this stuff). I will probably ask him to do more dishes when he’s not cooking, and then I will ask that we look into a monthly house cleaner. If someone could just clean the kitchen and the bathrooms once a month that would be such a huge improvement.

Of course we have to see if we can afford it. Our son’s aftercare costs so, so much that this did not feel like a cost we could absorb last year. But we did get a much bigger tax return that we were expecting (it was something about our no longer being landlords and getting a big deduction for that this year), and I got a COL increase as well. So maybe we can make it work. I do think it would be a massive improvement for our family and if it were just the kitchen and two bathrooms we wouldn’t have to pick up the whole house when they come.

I am happy to report that this weekend was MUCH better than the week preceding it. I only have four more days with students, a bunch of 8th grade promotion activities, and then on Friday, after I turn in my end-of-year checklist, the school year is officially over!

Uncategorized

Let the chaos commence

Posted on by noemikjames / 2 Comments

It was a lovely day. We took the cable car to Ghirardelli Square. There was beautiful view from the cable car and incredible ice cream sundaes at the square.

At the top of Lombard Streer
Alcatraz in the distance.
Our cable car. We got to sit on the side!
Ocean something or other sundae. It had salted caramel and was very good.

We walked around the very touristy parts of the city before the little cousins went home and we hit up the Cartoon Art Museum. Then we took the bus all the way home.

So many nice views of Alcatraz.

I ran some errands in the afternoon. I now have purchased or ordered all my daughter’s birthday presents. That is a relief.

I also finished the summer fun photo book that I make for all the cousins and aunts and uncles that come to the farm in St. Louis. Shutterfly let me use two promos codes and I was able to order all seven copies of the 40 page photo book for $180! It usually costs me around $350 but the “extra pages” promo code was epic. I’m so pleased I ordered it and got such a great deal. This was the final silver lining of our COVID isolation, as I worked on the book while stuck at home. So glad it’s done and ordered!

Now come the final two weeks of the school year, with my daughter’s two birthday celebrations this coming Friday (family) and the following weekend (friends). Her birthday always falls in the middle of all the end of the school year chaos and it always makes me feel so totally overwhelmed.

I just need to get to June 12tb. Let the chaos commence!

Connection/Parenting & Family

Extended Family Time Weekend

Posted on by noemikjames / 1 Comment

It’s been a busy weekend. Which is great because we are seeing my SIL and her family! And because the weather is lovely and being outside after so many days of isolation is wonderful. But it’s also a lot and we’re all fried by the end of each day. We will not be starting this coming week rested or rejuvenated. Again, I absolutely believe the trade off is worth it – we have literally NEVER spent time with my SIL and both her kids before (her daughter was born right before the pandemic started and they live in Texas), but it’s a lot in the moment.

Saturday the kids and I met SIL, her kids and the grandparents at the zoo. Yesterday we all (husband included! Yay!) met them at a playground near the grandparents’ house in Golden Gate Park. Today we’re taking the cable car from downtown to Ghirardelli Square and then we may check out the Cartoon Museum without the little ones.

So yeah! I’t’s been a lot! Also, my kids’ last day of school is this Wednesday, and we’re celebrating my daughter’s birthday with the family on Friday so SIL and her family can attend (they leave Saturday). Again, my daughter is SO EXCITED to have her extended family at her birthday (mostly so she can show them her bearded dragon), and it’s absolutely the right thing to do, but it’s going to make this week that much more stressful.

So yeah, that’s where we are: putting in a lot of energy now so we have the experiences with family that we know we’ll want later. And honestly, it’s very nice to be with my SIL and her family right now, it’s just a lot for us when our stamina is not where it usually is.

{Also, their kids are waking up very early and crashing in the early afternoon so we’re meeting up with them MUCH EARLIER than we are used to on weekends. The kids have handled it relatively well, but it’s been a lot of work to get ourselves out of the door every morning.}

I’m very thankful it’s a three day weekend – both so we can have more time with SIL and her family, and also so the rest of the week is shorter.

This coming week is totally nuts. And the following week is my last week of school. If I can just get to June 12th, I will be a happy camper. Only two weeks to go!

The weather was not lovely on Saturday morning, but it has yesterday and today.
Parenting & Family/Work/Teaching

A hard week

Posted on by noemikjames / 3 Comments

It’s been a hard week. The tragedy in Texas has been exhausting to manage mentally and emotionally. My husband worked for a gun control policy non-profit for many years, and he officially started looking for a new job after Sandy Hook, when he realized that not even a mass-shooting of that magnitude in an elementary school would lead to safer gun policy. He started working for the city soon after.

Now, as it happens again not even ten years later, he is not even a little bit surprised.

No one is. And that is the problem.

I really don’t know how to manage my emotions on this. If I think for too long or two hard I start to cry or scream or both. But what good does that do? We are not the problem, and we can’t do anything to change it.

So that’s been roiling in the background (as it has for everyone) making an already exhausting week ever more overwhelming.

Wednesday and Thursday at work were really long, exhausting days. I would have preferred pushing the big, energy intensive lessons (plus a party!) to next week, but because this Wednesday and Thursday were our last block days, I didn’t have any choice.

The good news is the really hard work for the school year is over.

The bad news is I am totally overwhelmed (and I don’t use that word as lightly anymore, not since reading Atlas of the Heart) and hanging on by a thread.

My daughter ended up testing negative on Tuesday afternoon and returning to school Wednesday (two days before her 10 days were up). My son tested negative on Wednesday afternoon and went back Thursday (just one day early). My son was testing very positive on Monday, and I honestly thought he’d be home all week. But his eyes were bothering him Monday so we started treating his allergies (a Claritin at night and nose spray in the morning) and by Tuesday his positive line was very faint. My own taste and smell returned when I treated my allergies; I wonder if treating allergies helps people get over Covid a little more quickly (or maybe allergies exacerbate Covid symptoms or duration). It’s just anecdotal, but still I thought I’d share, in case any other allergy sufferers who read this blog get Covid and find it helps.

It looks like my ILs are willing to see us this weekend – at least me and the kids (my husband hasn’t tested negative yet – hopefully this afternoon), so that is good. I’m very excited to meet my niece in person and to see my nephew again.

It feels silly to be so excited for the weekend, when I was stuck at home for 10 days, but I absolutely am. I’m also looking forward to next week, which will be a normal week for us. I really, really need a return to normality.

Health & Well Being/Parenting & Family

Today was a good day

Posted on by noemikjames / 2 Comments

Today was a good day. I used a snake my friend lent me and actually managed to unclog our downstairs kitchen sink, which was so stopped up that the water would stand for days. I had never managed to use a plumbing snake before, so I was VERY pleased with my successful efforts today.

My friend was able to sub for me again, which was just amazing. She covered my classes for five of my six days out. Having her in my classroom made it so, SO much easier to be absent.

My husband felt a lot better today – and even cooked two meals!

Which tasted so good! Because I can still smell and taste and I don’t take it for granted!

I worked out and felt great. I’m sure I’ll be very sore tomorrow, but it felt so good to strengthen my body after taking a week off.

My son rocked it doing some challenging third grade math, and caught some mythical epic in his Prodigy math game, which he was very happy about.

My daughter got her science project done. She painted the diagram with water colors, instead of using google drawing, which was pretty cool. Also, her friend from school dropped off her English binder so she could finish her essay by Wednesday. That was very nice of her.

Both schools confirmed that our kids can come back as soon as they get a negative test – they don’t have to wait out the remainder of the 10 day isolation. My daughter tested so lightly this afternoon that I’m fairly certain she was test negative tomorrow afternoon and be able to go to school on Wednesday. My son’s test indicates he will likely be staying home the rest of the week, which is a real bummer because he feels fine and he’s bored out of his mind and making everyone miserable.

And the best part of today was… I got a negative PCR test! Which means I get to go to work tomorrow! I don’t know if anyone has ever been as happy to go back to work as I am right now. I need to get out of my house and away from my family. And since no one can sub for me tomorrow, I need to be in my classroom! So tonight I DON’T have to write sub plans because tomorrow I will be at school! This is very, very good news.

I will, of course, being wearing a kn95 mask all week, and for the rest of the school year. Well, maybe at some point I’ll take it off, since I’m more protected now then I’ll ever be! Maybe after Memorial Day weekend I’ll take it off…

It’s been weird to retreat from the world so thoroughly. The last time we did this everyone else was doing it too. We were stuck at home, but we knew everyone else was doing the same thing we were. But isolating was so different – the rest of the world just kept doing its thing, while we sat shuttered inside. It’s going to be so weird to go to school tomorrow, knowing they were in my classroom for over a week without me. I have never missed an entire week of school, not in 18 years of teaching. It’s going to be so weird to go back.

And I’m so happy I finally can!

Health & Well Being/Parenting & Family

Updates from Covid Isolation

Posted on by noemikjames / 2 Comments

Well we’re still here, and we’re all still isolating.

This is my 10th day of being at home, but only my 9th official day of isolation (the day you test positive or have symptoms (for me the same day) is day 0). I tested positive again yesterday afternoon, as did both my kids. My son tested super positive, my daughter less so. They get to keep testing, and if at any point before Friday they test negative, they can go back to school. If they never test negative, they can go back on Friday.

If I never test negative, I can go back on Wednesday.

Yes, I understand there are people who don’t love that idea, but it’s the policy at my school, and it’s what I’m going to do (with a high quality kn95 on, of course).

My kids will likely miss their last week of school. They have classes on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week, so it’s not like they won’t be able to say goodbye to their friends. But they are missing their last days of instruction.

This is especially difficult for my daughter, who is in middle school and had tests and projects last week and has more this week. I’m going to email the school to see what we should do. If she doesn’t go back until Friday she will not have enough time to make everything up. (There is some work she can do online, but not a lot of it, at least it hasn’t been shared with her yet.)

A bunch of kids are out with covid at my school. It’s like January levels again. It’s crazy because 90% of the kids at my school have been wearing masks – good quality kn95 masks – since the mandate was revoked in March. And yet they are still all getting it. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are getting it from school, but they are getting it somewhere, despite taking general precautions (I assume kids who wear masks at school when it’s not required are taking other precautions as well.)

It’s all over the Bay Area, and San Francisco especially. People still wear masks here pretty much all the time. That means that even if people mask in stores, and on public transportation, they are still getting it. Maybe they are also eating in restaurants or doing other things that provide more opportunities to get it, but the point is that even in a city where most people are still taking most precautions, it can spread like wild fire.

Of course, it would probably be a lot worse if people here didn’t wear mask so consistently. Who knows how many people would have it if that were the case.

I’m tired. I’m tired of writing sub plans and being stuck in my house, and being stuck with my kids. My husband finally had a fever free day yesterday, which helped take some of the pressure off. But that was day six of being sick for him! He had a fever for most of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and even some of Saturday. He definitely got hit the hardest it. It was really nice having him around yesterday to help with the kids on Sunday. I really needed a break.

I also got some of my taste and smell back yesterday. I’ve been aggressively treating my allergies – with a pill and nasal spray – for three days and I wonder if that helped bring some of my smell and taste back. I’ve heard that other issues can exacerbate the loss of taste and smell, like allergies, so I wonder… It was SO NICE to taste my food yesterday. It was still a little muted, but nothing like it had been when all I could discern was sweet, salty, bitter and sour. I really hope my senses of taste and smell stick around; losing it sucked way worse than I anticipated.

I also worked out yesterday, on the elliptical machine, and that helped bring me out of a serious emotional funk in the morning. I was feeling so bummed out, but 45 minutes of cardio definitely balanced me out a bit. Not getting any real exercise for so long has been hard. I wanted to give my body time to rest, and I think it got enough of that because I felt fine during, and after, the workout. I didn’t push really hard or anything, but enough to get some endorphins pumping. I really, really needed that, and I intend to exercise again today.

And that’s where we’re at. Still testing positive, so still stuck at home. I’m very thankful there is an eventual light at the end of this tunnel. We’ve already missed so much, I’m ready to rejoin the world.

I just hope we can see my SIL and her kids before they leave. I think we’ll need to test negative for that…

Health & Well Being/Parenting & Family

Not looking good (the pity party post)

Posted on by noemikjames / 4 Comments

I’m supposed to be on a plane to Portland right now. I’m sad that I’m not.

My husband is still down for the count. He spent all yesterday in bed with a fever and body aches. Today will be day five of me being alone with my kids in my house, and I am over it.

I took a rapid this morning and it was still very much positive so no errands for me. Instead I will start thinking of sub plans for this coming week because I don’t see how this will be negative by Monday. My day 10 is Tuesday so I can (and will be expected to) return on Wednesday without a negative result (assuming I’m feeling better, which I already am).

Still so, so positive

If my kids keep testing positive like me they will miss most of their last week of school. I have no idea what that means for my daughter’s grades. It will certainly make them both very disappointed.

We will miss most of my husband’s sister’s visit and barely be able to see her kids. That is if she feels comfortable seeing us at all (both her kids are under 5 so not yet vaccinated).

Ugh, this is rough. I’ll ultimately be glad it happened but right now I’m feeling pretty bummed out.

Health & Well Being/Parenting & Family

Slowly but surely

Posted on by noemikjames / 16 Comments

Yesterday was better. My daughter felt much better, so her energy level was more on par with my son’s. We took a break from video games, but they played a ton of Prodigy (a math game) because I updated their memberships (so they can earn new stuff). Learning games for the win!

The weather was really nice, so the kids and I spent lots of time outside. I was out there from noon to 5pm! I even pulled a couple weeds and did 30 minutes of very gentle yoga out there! It was in the mid-70s which for SF is straight up our nicest warm weather. It was really nice to get “out of the house” for a while.

Today the wind is supposed to pick back up (it’s been SO WINDY for SO LONG), so we won’t be able to do as much outside, but we’ll still probably spend some time out there.

It’s 9am now and everyone is still sleeping. I wish I were too! But I can’t seem to sleep in like that anymore, and definitely not on this couch bed. Tonight I’m going back downstairs and my husband and I will just have to figure out how to sleep with each other’s coughing (I don’t cough much at all during the day now, but at night I seem to start up again).

I’m starting to think about the weekend and when to rapid test us to see if we can go back. On the one hand I don’t want to waste them testing too early, but on the other hand I’d love to know we’re in the clear and can return to school on Monday,

I have to admit, one thing I’ve appreciated about this week is the certainty of our isolation period. There has been no, “Well do you feel better enough to go back tomorrow? Or should we keep you home another day?” that usually accompanies my kids being home sick (which is usually spurred by the fact that a parent needs to keep staying home with them, and needing to know if they will be home again too!) This week we’ve all known we’ll be here for the duration, regardless of our symptoms or lack there of!

But the negative rapid test to go back is stressing me out. What if one of us doesn’t test negative? What if I don’t test negative? My sub friend is out of town and I’d have no coverage at work. My students would be on week two without me in the classroom. I know in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal, but it’s stressful for me to imagine.

I will probably test myself tomorrow morning because I’d love to run some errands (in a heavy duty mask of course!) before the weekend. We definitely need some staples and I’d rather be out on Friday when everything is less crowded. Of course if I test positive on Friday I will stay home.

(The CDC isolation calculator doesn’t actually require, or even suggest!, that I test before going out on Friday, it just says I need to have “improved symptoms” and wear a mask when I’m around other people for another 5 days. But all our schools require a negative rapid test to return to work, which I appreciate.)

And my son is up so I’m going to post this. I hope you’re all having a good week.