Not a Wasted Word

It was hard to go back to work today. On Friday, when school was unexpectedly cancelled, I didn’t let myself think too much about all the things I had planned that wouldn’t happen. But yesterday, as I sketched out the week, I realized it was going to be hard to get caught up after the missing day. I’m not the teacher who can just say, oh well, we missed that, let’s move on. I’m the kind of teacher who tries to cram at least parts of what we missed into the next week, and stresses herself out doing it.

{Please know I don’t wear that as a badge of honor, but recognize it as an area of growth.}

This morning the cat knocked the vitamin sorter onto the floor and it took me forever to find the 15yos five Concerta pills. I left work late because of the lost time, but luckily the traffic wasn’t too bad (shockingly actually, traffic is usually awful on Monday if I leave late.)

At Costco I left my cart somewhere to grab something and then I accidentally walked away with someone else’s cart, and by the time I brought that back (the person found it again thank goodness!), I couldn’t find my own cart anywhere. Maybe someone took mine by accident too? I searched all over before finally giving up and starting again with a new cart. It was totally demoralizing; I had to go back and grab so many items again. Thank goodness I hadn’t left my wallet/keys or phone in my cart! I do that sometimes!

At home I had to talk the 12yo out of some I-hate-school spiraling. If he continues to feel so negatively about school it’s going to be a looooong 6.5 more years. It’s all I can do to not let myself spiral after conversations like today’s.

I didn’t end up working out today, and I’m annoyed at myself for it. I would have felt better if I’d gotten my heart rate up, but I felt like I should hang out with the 12yo, then the 15yo came home and the husband wasn’t feeling well, and suddenly it was 9:30pm and I hadn’t worked out but still needed to take the cans out. Boo.

But! Tomorrow is another day. And today was fine, just a lot of “pebbles in my shoe” (as they say) kind of day. I firmly believe the second day after a break is harder than the first, so I should get to bed before I place another pebble in my shoe. Or at this point I guess it would be my slipper.

Unexpected happenings

• The 15yo did not get the internship that was consuming so much of our time and mental/emotional energy.
• Serval had a health emergency. It cost $$$.
• We had to totally change the cat’s food. Turns out Serval is not allergic to poultry! (Thank goodness)
• School cancelled on the Friday before the Thanksgiving Break due to a water main break.
• The husband was invited to Berlin for work, and is leaving this coming Saturday for a week.

Highlights

• NaBloPoMo was a lot of fun. I loved reading all the blog posts, and was proud that I posted every day! (I’m counting the day I missed, because I only missed by two minutes. 😉 Thanks again to San for hosting!
• Hiking at the Marin Headlands with the family.
• Impromptu date night with the husband the Monday before Veterans day.
• Outlets with the 15yo. We got some good deals and had a great time.
• Two kid-free nights with the husband this past week.

Lowlights

• The emotional fallout from the 15yo not getting the internship. It was really hard for her, and I think both the husband and I were struck by how long it took us to process the disappointment.
• Struggling through a couple weeks of low mood.
• Getting sick over the break. I never felt awful, but I’ve definitely been battling a head and chest cold.
• Spending too much money. I feel like I kind of lost control for a couple of weeks and I regret some of my purchases this month. I really need to stop buying stuff.
• Stressing about my ADHD med change. I’ve really struggled with focus recently, but I can’t tell if it’s entirely because of the change in my meds. I’ve spent A LOT of mental energy thinking about whether or not I should change back to a stimulant medication, and how long I should wait before I do (if that is what I decide). It’s been a pretty massive mental energy suck for me this month.

Achievements

• Purchased all the Christmas gifts! I could grab a few more small things, but I could also be done and have plenty.
• Put the winter bedding on our bed. This involves taking a bunch of stuff out of the hallway closet, to get back to the heavier bedding. Then I had to wash the duvet cover and the bamboo blanket, which takes forever to dry.
• Deep cleaned the kids’ shower AND the plastic shelves where we keep a bunch of stuff in that bathroom. That thing was disgusting.
• Reorganized my closet. I got rid of a bunch of clothes I don’t wear much anymore, packed some stuff into storage, and moved around what was left so there is space for my colder weather clothes, and they are easier to access!
• Got the calendars made and ordered! I didn’t even have pictures curated at the start of the month, so it was a lot to get done.

Looking forward to / coming up next month

• SHU’s book (Best Laid Plans) coming out mid-month! I pre-ordered it and I can’t wait to read it!
• The winter break, obvi. Only 14 teaching days between now and two weeks off.
• The holidays. I love this time of year. I love the lights. I love the celebrations. The kids are old enough that I even kind of like Christmas day now! Ha!
• Our staff holiday party. I like our staff and it’s usually a good time.
• But before that… the second week of December is shaping up to be a real doozy. The husband is away in Berlin. I have book club at the same time as the dojo’s anniversary/holiday party that Saturdays (the 6th). The 12yo has a show at school that I need to get coverage for to see. The 15yo has a winter concert, plus a tech and dress rehearsal. There is an info night for the 6th grade sleep away trip (which is in May! Why is the info meeting during the busiest month of the year?!) on the same night there is a special guest teacher at the dojo. The next Saturday is Rec and Park’s winter registration and I’m trying to get the 12yo on a swim team. It’s going to suck. I’m already dreading it. Blerg. Blerg. And more blerg.

I just ordered four 12×12 calendars AND three ornaments from Shutterfly for $112 with taxes. That is a crazy good deal. Also, I’m done with the calendars! Woot! They never feel totally done until I actually order them.

The Nike pants I ordered the 12yo finally came today and I think they are going to fit him perfectly. They are men’s slim fit tech sweats size XS and they are long enough, but also have a small waist. I’m so excited. They were crazy expensive (even on sale) for a 12yo boys pants, but he isn’t getting much for Xmas, so I’m willing to get him a couple pairs. I’m just excited they will fit perfectly! Literally no pants fit him well.

We had lunch at a new Indian spot near us and it was really good, and not too expensive. I am excited to have a spot we can order awesome Indian food from. It was seriously yummy. Also, we ordered way too much and have a ton of Indian food waiting for me to eat in our fridge.

I got my parents Cirque du Soleil tickets for Christmas, and I’ll be bringing the kids. I usually get them an experience for Christmas, and SF Sketchfest, which happens in early January is my normal fallback for a show for us to see together, but this year there wasn’t much I thought they’d like. The husband recommended Cirque, and I grabbed tickets for the Saturday after Christmas. I’m so relieved to have something big and exciting to give them. Presents for my parents always stress me out.

The husband and I are talking about going to LA – just us – over my Spring Break in April and it’s nice to have something to look forward to. Most of my college friends live down there, and are very good friends had a baby recently that we still haven’t met yet. We’re also tentatively talking about a quick trip to Death Valley with the kids during the winter break. We’re a little worried about leaving the cats while the in-laws are away, but also don’t want to be gone when the in-laws finally get back (they are in Texas from last week through Christmas). So we’ll see about that one. At least LA in April should probably happen.

This is actually a sixth thing, but I must say, I’m excited that tomorrow is a final day of break. I need one day to get a bunch of stuff done, so work doesn’t feel too onerous this week, and tomorrow will be that day! Hooray!

Oh! One more! I realized I can store Christmas presents in the garage where the giant Christmas stuff storage box usually lives. Why have I never taken advantage of this spot before? It’s high up, no one can see what’s back there, and if I keep stuff in the boxes they get shipped in I can store a lot of gifts up there. I already have three boxes of presents up there and I’m so excited to have all that space to store stuff.

5 things I AM doing

Watch tons of stuff. We watched Sinners last night after we got home (so good, I highly recommend). Then we watched two episodes of I Love LA. Today I finished El Cuco de Cristal on Netflix (I’m so mad I didn’t know this was a Javier Castillo book! I loved the Miren Triggs (Snow Girl) trilogy. He just put out another book in October so I may listen to that.) Tonight we’ll probably keep watching Task. I’m really liking it but the husband is suspending judgement until the end, which he doubts will be satisfying. We shall see (he did not watch The Mare of Eastown, which I watched and really liked).

Eat left overs. Already did this for a late lunch today, and will surely do it again tomorrow!

Have dinner and drinks with the husband. We have a 5:30 reservation for dinner and then a later reservation for drinks at a spot we can never get into. I’m excited to go out!

Reconnect. We’re planning on walking to dinner tonight, so lots of talk time. We realized today that we started dating 20 years ago this coming January. That is crazy. I’m so glad we found each other and have stayed together. The early years of parenting were hard on our marriage, but it’s better now, as long as we put in the work. I’m really grateful we have this time together.

Sleep in, laze around. We already did this a lot today. It’s chilly in our house and we stayed in bed chatting for a long time. I was on the couch with a cat on my lap watching episodes of Cuco de Cristal for a while this morning (the hubs was playing video games). Besides getting brunch tomorrow we’ll probably do more of the same tomorrow. I love lounging around the house when there are no kids in it.

5 things I’m NOT doing

Laundry.

Cleaning.

Work.

Commenting on blogs. (It will have to wait until Sunday – the last day of NaBloPoMo.)

Dishes. (I’ll leave them for the husband.)

Health. Everyone in our immediate family, right now, is healthy. Even all four grandparents are healthy. After all my health issues recently, and the sudden loss of a close friend we suffered this year, I don’t take our current health for granted. Heck, even Serval seems to be doing a lot better!

Happiness. There are ups and downs to be sure, but no one is battling depression or intense anxiety right now. With a 15yo sophomore and and a 12yo who started middle school this year, I consider us very fortunate in the emotional well-being department.

Friendship. Both kids got to see friends this week. The 15yo has had a hard go of it, friendship wise, the past 18 months, but things seem to be evening out. The 12yo has kept, and even expanded, his friend group at the start of middle school. The husband goes out for dinner and drinks with people a couple times a month. My little friend group is still supporting each other, and a couple of us really need that support right now. No one feels alone. There were a lot of Thanksgivings when I felt like I had no friends living close to me, and I was so, so lonely. I am always grateful for friendship.

Financial security. We are very lucky to have secure, stable jobs. We’ve never made a lot of money, but we’ve made very consistent money and we were fortunate to have parents who could support us when we started out, so we’re not paying off crazy student debt. We are very financially fortunate, and I probably do take our financial security for granted, though I always try to be aware of it.

My family. Things are not perfect in our little family of four. The husband and I are really hoping to reconnect this weekend while the kids are at my parents’ house, because we need it. The 12yo is very much tweening, which can be rough for all of us and the 15yo has been managing some big emotions this year. But! We enjoy each other’s company (for the most part) and I love spending time with them. When I was fighting so hard to build a family, what we have is exactly what I envisioned, and who gets to say that? I am very grateful for our family of four.

We just found out that the family friends who usually come to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents’ house are sick so they won’t be able to make it. In the past their highschooler has made it hard for our 12yo to enjoy the evening, so I’m very relieved that we won’t have to navigate that dynamic today! Kind of a big win, honestly!

I hope everyone has a delightful Thanksgiving with whomever you celebrate with!

Can I get them up in one minute to not miss Wednesday?!

Nope. Didn’t make it. Shoot! I finally “missed” a day.

Changing the cats’ food. We have been feeding the cats the same thing for 2.5 years. We’ve always had to monitor their meals because Serval (the fat cat) always finishes first, and wants to help Panther (the skinny black cat) eat the rest of her food. That has been annoying, to say the least. This week I’ve been trying to slowly change Serval’s food so that he’s eventually eating entirely Urinary Care c/d prescription food, ideally mostly wet food. This has been hard because Panther is VERY interested in the new foods, so I’ve been giving a lot of it to her too, even though it’s expensive prescription food that she doesn’t need (but can eat, it’s fine the vet said). Serval is finally eating all of the prescription dry, but will only eat the prescription wet for a day or two before he starts refusing it. This is bad. because he needs to eat some wet food for his chronic constipation, not just his urinary issues. It’s been so stressful and so annoying and I’m so over it. I’m also over cleaning up throw up, which is still happening every other day (when we attempt a new wet food). Boo. This sucks and I want it to be over.

Keeping track of deliveries and returns. A lot of Christmas presents are coming in, and a lot of things need to be returned. But it’s hard to keep track of everything, and to make sure I have the correct items, packaged in the correct ways, being returned to the correct spots. I’ve even had to return a bunch of cat food this week! It’s just a lot, and it’s stressful, and I’m frustrated that I made so many mistakes in my ordering, so that all this returning is necessary.

Managing the kids’ (and husband’s) expectations. Everyone has expectations during a break, and they don’t all line up! As is always the case, I feel like I’m the cruise director in charge of managing everyone’s wants and needs during this week off. Unfortunately, when friends are involved, there is only so much I can do to ensure we’re all getting quality time with our preferred people. It doesn’t help that I’m also tasked with limiting screen time and requiring chore completion. All in all, it’s a pretty demanding, and thankless job. Yay for being a mother!

Managing my own expectations. I knew going into the break that I was not going to accomplish all I set out to do, but I’m still feeling bummed out by how few big ticket items I’ll be able to cross off my to-do list at the end of the week. I really wanted to steam clean all the upstairs floors, but with the constant cat throw up, I’ll need to table that, probably until the winter break. I could still do a deep clean downstairs (the cats don’t go there), but I’m not sure when that will get done. I keep reminding myself that the upstairs bathroom did get done. The Christmas tree is up, the lights are on, and it’s been affixed to the wall (good thing too, because Panther already climbed up into it). And the main calendar is done, I just need to make copies and edit it for my parents and the inlaws. This isn’t nothing. But it also feels like not enough.

I’m even falling short of my NaBloPoMo posting and commenting expectations. I want to be so much more involved and present, and I am definitely failing at that. I’m lucky if I comment on four or five blogs a day, and eek out a post before midnight. Blerg. Where is all the time I was supposed to have this week?!

Spiraling about winter break (and sring 2026). Like last year, we’re not doing much this year. I was struck, when I created the calendar, that besides the trip to the snow during last year’s winter break, all our photos were basically from the summer. We just didn’t really do anything memorable during the rest of the year. This year is set to be more of the same – except our snow trip is in February (that I am not personally excited about)- so nothing at all will happen this coming winter break, or really at all until next summer. The husband went to Amsterdam in October and is going to Berlin in two weeks (both for work) and it feels like I have nothing to look forward to. It’s kind of bumming me out.

I know we’re very lucky to do the traveling we do do in the summer, and I know many families don’t get to travel at all. I just feel like I need something to stand out, and even attempts at smaller trips have fallen flat. I tried to plan a trip to visit my friend in New York over Spring Break (I am off the week after my kids are this year), but she only can take on day off that week, so it feels like it wouldn’t be worth it for such expensive flights (she lives in Albany, not NYC, so it doesn’t make as much sense for me to be there while she’s working). I was trying to figure out a road trip to LA over the winter break, but even that doesn’t really make sense with our friends’ availability. My friends and I have been trying to plan a weekend away for over a year, and now a few of them have family complications that make anything for the next six months impossible. Right now Christmas break, and all the months in 2026 before summer are just stretched out before me, a big block of monotony. It doesn’t feel great. I need to change my mindset to be sure.

The 15yo and I went to the outlets today. I have never in my life gone to the outlets myself, for no other reason than to do so. I’ve been with other people, usually because we’re near them on our way to somewhere else, and last year we stopped by some on our way home from the snow, when we charged the car. I’ve been interested in going again ever since, so I decided we’d hit up the big ones in Livermore (about 45 minutes away) today. The 15yo’s friend was supposed to join us, but had to cancel last minute and that ended up being really good because we had so much fun together. It was a great day. And… we got some good stuff, at fabulous prices. Here is what we picked up.

Lululemon skirt ($30). I already bought two Lululemon skirts (same style, one black, one blue) online, to wear with my many leggings. The store at the outlet was really overwhelming; it was big and it was packed. I found the skirt I already got, but in a color that was not offered online (a lovely green), so I grabbed that I used the gift card I got when I took back a grey version of the skirt that I didn’t love (it was final sale, so I could only return it for store credit) to buy it. Then I peaced out of that place, because it was stressful!

3 pairs of Underarmor pants ($20 each). Some Underarmor pants fit the 12yo pretty well; they are slim fitting in the waist, but long enough for my tall, skinny kid. They also aren’t super cheap. So when I saw a $20 special on fleece pants that seemed like they would fit him relatively well, I went for it. If they are too big now, they will fit him later, because they are plenty long enough.

Converse sneakers ($30). The 15yo really loves Converse. They are her favorite shoes. Today she found a pair that she really liked that are more like athletic shoes, and she doesn’t really have a pair of shoes that are good for PE, so we got them. We didn’t realize that everything in the Converse store was 50% off when we brought them to the counter, so we were delighted to hear they were only $30.

7 for all mankind jeans ($80). I have not been in a 7 for all mankind store in over a decade. How can their jeans be $250?! The clearance rack was a mess, the sizes were all over the place and there wasn’t much selection. I found a pair of grey jeans I liked that fit me in size 24 (never have I ever worn a size 24). Another pair I liked was way too small in size 28. A pair of khaki colored pants (they weren’t even jeans) I LOVED were a little too small in size 27. And finally I found a light blue pair of jeans in size 26 (also not a size I’ve ever worn) that I loved and fit well, so I went with those. I have to admit, it will probably be the 7 for all mankind outlet that lures me back to Livermore again… I am a sucker for a pair of really nice designer jeans, but even an $80 price tag was hard for me to accept.

Two pairs of Gap jeans ($23 each). Okay, I confess, I really love Gap. I have a LOT of Gap clothing. I really like a lot of their styles and their clothes generally fit me well. All the Gap stores in our area have closed, so I can only buy their stuff online now. Which is fine – it’s easy to return stuff that doesn’t fit – still, I was excited that these outlets have a Gap Factory. Except it totally sucked! It was big and had so many clothes, but not many different styles. A lot of what was there just seemed… low quality. The initial prices weren’t knocked down, they just had 40-50% off most stuff. I did find a couple pairs of jeans I liked and they ended up being really cheap, but the experience was a let down.

And that is what we did get. There was plenty we didn’t get too. We didn’t get anything in the Nike store; they had no “slim fit” pants in sizes less than L, and no Jordans I thought the 12yo might like. We didn’t get anything at Uggs either; most of it wasn’t on sale at all, and the stuff that was was still over $100 a pair. Crocs was also a bust (I”m looking for a new pair for the 12yo for Christmas, because his Pringles pair is going to be too small soon). We meant to stop in The Northface on our way out, but there was a long line to get in by then. I was bummed because the 15yo’s backpack just broke and I wanted to see if I could another one on sale.

All in all I would call it a successful trip to the outlets. We got a late start, and the threat of bridge traffic on the way back meant we couldn’t stay longer than we originally intended. Which was fine, because the amount of stores, and people, was overwhelming. I feel like now that we’ve gone once, and no what to expect, we can go again in six months or so and be way more strategic. I can see us braving them again before the next school year, when I have to restock the kids closets and maybe a grab a few things for my own. 😉

Do you like going to the outlets? Are there any nearby? What stores have the best deals?

I’m not sure what to write. I woke up with a cold last night and I don’t feel great. The 15yo has this cold (she gave it to me, how kind) and it seems to be lingering for her. I’m trying to accept it with equanimity. because it’s not the worst timing, and what can I do?

The kids and I cleaned the bathroom. The shower was disgusting. DIS-GUST-ING. All three of us worked on it and it took a couple hours. It was really stressing me out, so I’m relieved that its done. I’m also relieved that I am teaching my kids how to do some deep cleaning. I definitely need them to help more around the house, but they can’t help if they don’t know how.

{Turns out the husband also can’t help if he doesn’t know how, but the thought of having to teach a grown ass adult this stuff hits different. I know I’ve helped create these patterns, that verge on learned helplessness, but this is all fodder for another post.}

We watched RRR tonight with the kids. They LOVED it. I must admit, I’m a little impressed that they could hang for a three hour foreign language film (we watched in Hindi with the English subtitles). We haven’t watched a movie together in a long time, and it was a lot of fun. I really enjoy watching movies with my family.

I started the calendar. I plan to finish our version (which I also order for my parents) tomorrow and then work on the version for my in-laws on Tuesday. Tomorrow I have to update all the birthday squares, which always takes longer than I expect. I’ve been working on it while the 15yo and I watch the third season of the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which definitely helps. 😉

I think I might almost be done getting Christmas gifts for the kids. I have a couple things I know the 15yo is going to love, but I’ve been a little stressed about the 12yo; I just don’t have anything I think he’ll be really excited about. In the hope of avoiding a mediocre Christmas, we just booked the same AirBnB we went to in the snow last year, because he’s been talking a lot about how much he enjoyed that trip and wants to go again. Now that is going to be his big surprise for Christmas (I’ve been telling him we can’t go again this year). I really did NOT want to go to the snow again this year (you may remember I thought the trip was pretty “meh” last year), but the 12yo is not always super enthusiastic about the non-video game parts of his life, so it feels like indulging his desire to visit the snow with his family is not a big ask. I really want to plan a final visit to Disneyland at some point but that costs serious $$$, and I don’t think anyone else really cares about going, so I’m reading the room and making the easier, cheaper, trip happen.

I plan to put up the tree and our other decorations this coming week, but there are already glimpses of Christmas in our house. Here are a few.

Are you letting Christmas in early this year? When will you officially start your holiday decorating?