Remember how happy I was that I didn’t have to agonize over how we should spend Thanksgiving, or manage differing levels of risk aversion during a pandemic? Well, not so much.
I knew my parents were going to St. Louis for my uncle’s wedding in mid-November. I knew Thanksgiving was not very long after that. And yet it didn’t occur to me that we would be eating indoors and unmasked with them literally days after they returned from a trip in which they would be socializing in ways we still aren’t comfortable with. (THIS IS THOSE DISCONNECTS I WAS TALKING ABOUT!)
So now I have to figure out what we are comfortable with, and then communicate that to my parents who will surely think we are overreacting. At this point I feel like they are doing what we did in the summer with our own kids – flying to see many different family members unmasked and inside. The bad news is we know more about how Delta works in these situations than we did in the summer (I’m so glad we did NOT know the realities of the situation when we went to St. Louis or that trip would have been WAY more stressful (we might not have gone at all!) The good news is my parents have gotten their boosters and my kids will be about two weeks out from their first shot.
My initial impression is that we rapid test before dinner and enjoy ourselves on Thursday, indoors and unmasked with my parents. I don’t think there is a way to make PCR testing work, since they get back on Sunday evening and and there isn’t a good window to test and get the results back before Thursday (especially during a holiday week, when test results will probably take longer).
The other wrinkle is that the kids and I were supposed to spend the first half of the week down at my parent’s house. This no longer feels tenable, so I’m asking them if we can stay down there Friday and Saturday AFTER Thanksgiving, instead of before. This works better for me in the unrelated way of allowing me to get to the dojo on Tuesday, which would be really helpful for my test prep, so I’m stressing that as my reason (not the fact that we feel uncomfortable co-habitating with them right after their trip, which I’m honestly not mentioning at all). I may even stay with them only one night and have the kids stay with them the second night so my husband and I can have a night alone.
I have to admit, when I realized I was having to figure out another pandemic holiday I threw myself a little pity party. I had been SO EXCITED to not repeat last year’s Thanksgiving, (when I cried for almost a day on my bed as I processed what was and was not going to happen), and the fact that I did have to figure some shit out made me mad. I feel sometimes like we are the ONLY ones who are still making these decisions, that everyone else has just moved on. It’s exhausting to being doing a hard thing that everyone else has since stopped doing.
And yes, I’m better at making these decisions now. But I’m also tired. It’s like when you think you’re done with your final paper and then you realize you still haven’t written the introduction or the conclusion. Sure neither of those are that hard (although, I always chaffed at the idea of just saying what I’d already said only in a DIFFERENT WAY. That shit was always so hard for me). Writing that last part felt harder because you THOUGHT you were already done! The expectation of it being over made the final effort SO MUCH HARDER.
And that’s where I’m at right now. I’m frustrated that I STILL have to be making these decisions, when the decision fatigue is so overwhelming that I can’t really make them objectively anymore.
The brightest light at the end of this tunnel is that my kids will be FULLY vaccinated for Christmas, which means we won’t have to make any hard choices then. We have decided that as long as community spread is low, we will be returning to a mostly normal existence. We’ll be letting the kids meet with their friends inside and without masks. We’ll be taking them to places like Dave & Busters again (with masks on of course) and maybe even Disneyland. And we’ll be traveling again. If their vaccination status does not open doors for us then nothing will, and by Christmas the door will finally be open.
So yes, I’m back here again. But it should be the last time I’m back here, at least for a little while. Thanksgiving might not be the “post-pandemic” holiday I was hoping for, but Christmas is right around the corner.
What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Will it resemble a pre-pandemic celebration or are you still taking precautions?
My entire family is flying to Colorado to be together for the first time in 3 years. 8 of us here live (my brother and his wife and 2 kids live a block away), but my parents and 3 other siblings along with their spouses and kids are all flying in, and all 21 of us are spending the holidays indoors together, unmasked. Even with COVID cases higher in our area right now, it’s 80% in the unvaccinated and the vaccinated breakthrough cases and kids are only getting mild cases that resemble the common cold (my 6yo niece actually has it right now and is on quarantine – they only tested her cuz of a positive in her class and she has a runny nose), so we really aren’t worried about it TBH. I’m sure that POV is annoying to you b/c it’s so polar opposite of your own, but I’m truly excited to have everyone together for the first time in ages.
It’s not annoying at all. I think I personally am at that place. But my husband is not. And it’s a hard line to walk. In the end I always ask myself, if my kids get Covid (in this case from my parents in a situation I requested we be a part of) how do I manage that with my husband, who will absolutely be upset about it. So those are the questions I am asking. I actually feel like one shot matters a lot. It’s not full protection but it’s not nothing either. So that is definitely playing into it for me. I think it’s a lot easier when everyone has similar risk aversion attitudes. It’s so hard one half of couple feels differently about it.
We are planning a gathering for Thanksgiving. Everyone will be fully vaxed except one child who has had 1 shot and be very close to shot #2. All adults are boostered, other children fully vaxxed and not 6 months out from second Everyone believes in masks and washing and distances and the reality of Covid and long haulers damage.
I am super careful, but have caught a cold (evil, nasty, ick) anyway. Kaiser did Covid test, results were negative, back within 18 hrs. They had said 2-3 days for results. I suspect over Thanksgiving and afterwards there will be more demand for tests and longer waits for results.
Each family has to make their own decisions. I hope your parents are supportive of your family’s situations and worries. As I grandparent I would fully 100% support your decision!
I am clear that this pandemic is NOT over and that it will be around for a long time and I hate it and the restrictions. I also hate that people in this country who could have been vaccinated chose not to be and are dying and being disabled. As long as the vaccines are not available and used, fully, world wide, this pandemic will be killing and damaging lives. It could have been different. I will not forget.
I think many of us are still doing calculations although they are different than yours. I have an unvaccinated adult relative who will be at thanksgiving (I am not hosting) so we have to decide if we go or not go. On the flip side my in laws refuse to be around our kids indoors so how do we handle that (they live in a cold area and won’t come to us). I’m trying not to be judgmental of anyone especially since my husband and I are vaccinated and our kids are not especially high risk but I have an under 5 who goes to preschool and could definitely spread virus so… it’s just on-going and feels like it will be forever.
We are not having any guests for Thanksgiving, my 9 year old is scheduled for his first shot next week. The East Bay has seemingly been much more difficult to find the shots than elsewhere in the Bay from what I can tell. We still are not going out at all, I still won’t eat indoors at a restaurant. My tolerance is probably in line with your husband’s, and maybe it’s overly cautious, but I can’t change it. It’s like telling someone with anxiety (hello, me!) to just relax.
You’re not alone – we’re still being super careful and will be until my youngest (4) can be vaccincated.