As I predicted, I’m feeling a bit better. I’m still feeling stressed and overwhelmed, but not quite so at the edge. Or maybe just at the edge or something less menacing. Less daunting.
The irritability lingers. I’m trying hard to stop and give myself time to respond, instead of react. I am so, so reactive lately. It’s like I’m looking for a reason to jump at someone. Why?
I struggle so much with stopping long enough to respond. Reacting is like scratching an itch. Something compels me. Sometimes I even pause enough to recognize what I’m doing, but I’m still compelled to yell, or speak with a hostile tone. It’s like a tic almost. Like I can’t not do it.
Why is that? Is it just that my reactive neuro pathways are so we’ll work that I can’t access other options?
What if I spend the rest of my life trying to change and I just can’t?
I ordered a menopause supplement that an acquaintance recommended. She said it really stopped her from being such a bitch. 🤣 That sounds like EXACTLY what I need. I know perimenopause can cause mood swings and irritability. If this supplement helps tame those symptoms, I might as well give it a try. (I know for sure Magnesium equalizes my mood a ton. If something else can help even half as much, it’s worth it.)
I’m going to press publish on this even though it’s lacking a coherent ending. Better published now than left in my draft folder forever.
Thank you for writing about this.
You can modify the auto irritable response over time. You can also try to learn to orally acknowledge your first immediate irritable reaction and ask for a do-over/apologize; that SOME TIMES is appropriate. Taking a deep breath helps in both cases because it reminds you to think.
Hormones may well be involved. They are tricky, individualized, unpredictable. IF the supplement helps please consider sharing what it is. You may ,or not ,wish to share IF it works for you.
Wishing you all a good new week!
Thanks for being vulnerable and honest. Many of us share these feeling but we do not openly talk about them. But we should. I have anger issues and I feel the older I get the less patience I have to put up with other people s**t.
For me the irritable/angry was definitely tied to anxiety. Once I got on Lexapro there was a quick and pronounced difference.