My work bestie is pregnant. She’s 15 weeks now, so I am moving out of my (private) anxiety that things will be okay (never goes away does it?) and into, holy shit! She’s going to have a baby. Talking to her about everything pregnancy related makes me realize how LONG ago it was that I was pregnant, especially for the first time. This summer she will have a newborn and I will have a sixteen year old. That is crazy.
The 12yo is growing up VERY FAST. He’s now taller than me. His feet are bigger than mine. His body looks more like a man’s than a boy’s. He even has the shadows of facial hair on his upper lip (that is truly killing me). I randomly came across a photo of the 15yo from her first day of 6th grade and she looked MUCH younger when she started middle school. She is nine months younger when she starts a grade than her brother (her birthday is June, and his is October), so it makes sense that she looked younger at the start of 6th grade than he looks now, but even taking that into consideration, the differences are striking. The 12yo is just growing up really fast. He’s my “baby” except he’s really not at all anymore.
Speaking of which, my dad sent me a Reel that shared two parenting stats. Evidently by the time your kid is 12 years old, you’ve spent 75% of the time with them that you are going to spend. And that after they turn 18 (I guess assuming they move out at this point), you only get, cumulatively, one more year with them. Now who knows where these stats come from, and how accurate they are generally (or for my family specifically), but even if I will see my kids a lot more than those stats suggest, I haven’t really thought much about how finite my time with them actually is. It’s sobering!
Also related, the 15yo is a sophomore this year. She’s taking her first AP test in a few months. She’s talking about the AP classes she’s going to take next year. She’s talking about looking at colleges next year. If she does go straight to a four year college, she only has 2.5 years left at home. We hang out a lot right now, so it will be a massive shift for me when she does leave. I’m definitely counting the years we have left with her at home.
My mom turned 74 yesterday and my father-in-law turns 80 on Wednesday. He is 5-6 year older than any of the other grandparents, so it’s not like they are all about to turn 80 but still. I’ve noticed my parents’ aging so much more in the past five years than at any point before. They are getting older and I think more and more about the next stage in our relationship, where I’m taking care of them. This is on my mind as I face more and more physical and health related challenges caused by my own aging. Maybe it’s true what they say, that 44 is a “super aging” year, because I really do feel so much older now than I did when I was in my early 40s.
To lighten the mood a bit… my mom planted some succulent cuttings when the city put this tree in front of our house. They totally overtook the small plot pretty fast, but this winter they started growing flower shoots, because we’ve gotten so much rain. I took this picture on December 20th, to show my mom the shoots.
I think I wanted to write this post because I’m more aware now than I’ve ever been before of how quickly time is passing and how little time I have left with my kids. That is why I want to be more intentional with my time moving forward, and why I am determined not to abandon my goal making entirely (though moving it back to the spring solstice or summer might be the right move). 😉
Holding a tiny young baby a parent has no real understanding of how fast that baby will become an independent legally of age person. It really is startling. Enjoy the at home time and remind yourself that you need to teach them all the life skills. That cars need routine maintenance, to see the dentist regularly, how to talk to doctors competently and completely, to clean after themselves in bathrooms, kitchens, bedrooms. Financial loans and compound interest. Lots of things that seem abstract and unreal to many children/young adults.
And then, as your babies start to fly, your senior generation faces huge changes. At 50 or even 55 the realities of what it means to be over 70/80/85 are not always understood. It isn’t easy for either side of any generational difference. Stay alert.
Good wishes.
There is so much to teach them. It’s overwhelming sometimes to consider it all. Totally overwhelming.
Time is a thief. Kids grow so fast. My oldest is a June bday and my second guy is October. That’s crazy. My older guy was such a young pup when he started school, compared to my next guy. I don’t care for those stats. I def see my older kids less now, but they’re in touch and so so much fun when we are together. Look at those succulents grow.
I prickles a lot at those stats. I was talking to my parents, asking them if they thought we’d only seen each other a year since I left for college. We see each other a lot! And speak 1-2 weeks in St. Louis with extended family every year. Maybe we see each other more, and other see each other less (they def see my sister, who lives in London, way less than they see me).
Those tiny humans just rip the hearts out of us. In a good way.
I realize it’s all natural and you want your kid to launch into the world but I don’t even want to think about it right now. I wanna hug them and hold them close.
I can relate so much of how fast time passes and how quickly kids grow. I have future nostalgia so often lately!
What is this- a “super aging” year? I’ve never heard of it but I’m intrigued. When I was 44 I had a two year old (what was I thinking???) AND my mom died. It was a weird year.
Anyway, what I’ve heard is that by the time your kids turn 12, your work is done, as far as shaping their values. After the age of 12 you lose them to their peers. I know- these are all sobering facts. I’m really having trouble with the fact that in another yer and a half, my daughter will be starting college. I’m not ready to stop being a full-time mom! Sigh. This is hard.
I don’t have kids, but I feel ALL of this… because I have a niece/nephew and I see my parents aging, and I recently lost my best friend (way too early) and last year my MIL died and it all really made it VERY CLEAR that time is passing quickly and things are changing and I DON’T WANT THEM TO.
I am sorry, I am “yelling” but it freaks me out a bit, and YES, we have to be more intentional, every damn day!