I know I mentioned here that the 15yo applied for an (unpaid) internship and made it through the application and (Zoom) interview phases. This weekend is the in person “group interview” and she is supposed to have her shift preferences ranked, so the husband and I sat down this week night to talk about it. There are shifts every day of the week – the weeknight shifts are from 6-10pm, the weekend day shifts are 7am-4pm and the weekend night shifts are 6pm-midnight. It’s totally bonkerballs. Since we need to drive her to and from this place, which is on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge, our shift preferences are as important as the 15yo.
Initially we thought the weekends should be our first choice, but quickly I realized that I actually hated the idea of either waking up super early on Saturday or Sunday (earlier than for work!) or picking up super late on Friday or Saturday. If I have to pick a kid up at midnight on a weekend, I can’t drink on that evening. And if I have to wake up at, or slightly before, 6am on a weekend, I shouldn’t drink the night before. It’s not like I get wasted every weekend night, but I enjoy a cocktail or two most weekend nights, and the thought of giving one of those nights up, every weekend from December to June, really bummed me out.
Like I was really upset at the prospect of it. It felt like I was offering for someone to take half of my weekends away. It made me really sad.
Is that crazy? Am I relying too much on a couple of cocktails on the weekend nights? Should I take this deep sense of sadness as an indicator of something else?
I honestly don’t know. I’m feeling a lot of feelings about the prospect of drastically altering our weekends, and then I’m just as many feelings about the original feelings, wondering what it says about me that just considering this possibility makes me so very sad.
And that’s all I have on this right now, because this post is already late and it’s Thursday so I have no prep and I have a ton of assessments to score so I have to sign off.
How do you feel about the weekends? Would you be really sad to have to drastically alter your weekends?
When I was 37 alcohol (a ‘small near beer’, or 1 Tbsp of wine much less a drink of say a gin & tonic) would cause 12 hrs of vomiting… yes, past bile and into dehydration, a new ALLERGY. So I quit. Wasn’t hard for me. Was totally clear, no reason to drink alcohol.
So I cannot judge the alcohol question. You are the person who can. Doesn’t sound like you drink a lot or much. A stress coping thing. Your world is HIGHLY stressful. Am seeing articles that say ANY alcohol is bad for your body, but I do not know that is true.
You say YOU would need to drive for her. Would your spouse be doing 1/2 the driving? How does he feel about that? Would it be easier workweek nights for all three of you (because I would assume both parents would participate in driving). Perhaps the illusion of a single parent thinking the grass is greener over there. Can the younger child be on their own for the hours involved? (Kids vary in their feelings at different times of day about being home alone. Is younger legally old enough? I do not know.) Because sometimes one or the other you parents will be away.
I absolutely do know/agree/understand that as a family you are ALL totally pressured and pushed to the max for time, energy, space to be a person. Sounds like a wonderful, engaging, growth opportunity for 15yr old and wonderful thing for their resume.
Is the volunteer place near a 24hr grocery store, a open ‘coffee’ place where you can plan on getting papers graded, or work done/planned so the driver gets to reduce other time demands while volunteer work gets done?
Several BIG questions and I have NO answers for you. I will be very interested in what your family decides. I hope you continue to share on these topics.
HOPE school goes well today with anticipatory excitement and tomorrow. Your students are lucky to be in your classes!
Yeah, I know drinking alcohol is not great for you. I actually don’t drink it most Fridays now, because even one or two drinks sometimes makes me feel gross on Saturday, and four hours at the dojo is not fun when I feel even a little gross. Still, the idea of waking up at 6am on Saturdays, even if I wouldn’t have had a drink, makes me really bummed out.
I am really curious to see what we do to! Curious and also dreading it! We obviously can’t make any solid plans until she (a) is formally accepted and (b) they tell us what shift she has been offered. I believe we’ll know in mid-November. Blerg, I’m so over this whole process. Mid-November is a while away and I’m sure I’ll struggle to just put this worry down even while I can’t do anything with it.
Taking a moment to be GLAD MY KIDS ARE GROWN NOW. I no longer face that sort of issue. THANKS!!!!!
SO GLAD!!!!!
I’m surprised you wouldn’t have a drink or two the night before just because of needing to drive the next morning. It has easily processed out of your body if you’re only having a couple in the evening and then sleeping 8 hours.
Also, can your husband do one or the other so this isn’t just on you? Can she take public transportation sometimes?
It’s not that I worry I’ll still have something in my system, its that I worry I’ll feel bad if I can’t sleep a bit longer. I feel bad after I drink more often than not these days, if the circumstances are not “perfect.” And sometimes even then! Getting older is rough.
Oh and I forgot to mention, the husband will also be participating, but I know that even if he gets up super early with her, I will also wake up and I probably won’t fall back asleep. And if he does the super late driving, I will end up home alone, which also sucks, but less so than driving super late. We will definitely be sharing the driving, but I feel like it will be disruptive even if the husband is the one doing the driving.
Bah! I used to hate when my daughter had to work really late and we would go pick her up…not just not enjoying a second glass of wine, but also it meant I had to stay up. I’m so glad those days are behind us. In other words, I feel for you, and NO, the idea of waking up at 6am every Saturday for 6 months does not sound great to me either. Nor does staying up to go get her. And a 4 hour evening shift on a school night sounds rough on everyone involved, especially during midterms and finals.
Good luck, none of this sounds fabulous. But if it’s a great opportunity and something she will really enjoy, it’s worth a temporary sacrifice for sure. I hope you and your husband can figure it out (and maybe you can find another family to take turns and carpool?)
It is a really amazing opportunity and she really wants to do it. It’s the first thing like this she has been really passionate about – it’s a combo of two things she loves, marine biology and animal care. Otherwise we would have pulled her application long ago.
Hi! I read occasionally but usually don’t comment. I may be overstepping.
Um… Drinking or no drinking – these hours are totally bonkers. All of them.
The weeknight shifts until 10? For kids who have homework and need to get up early for school? And weekend shifts sound just awful. Omg, why are you doing this to yourself?
But .. if this is something that’s non-negotiable and there’s no way to get out of it, I would pick the morning shift on weekends. And pay for Uber (does your area have teen Uber options?) at least some of the time. How many shifts would she have to do? Is it a weekly thing or a monthly thing???
Just to pass on what a wise woman told me: Your kids only have 1 mom. You need to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being at least some of the time.
They specifically do not allow Uber or Lyfts, because the spot is remote and the hours are so wonky. The only way we could share the load is to find a family to carpool with, but each shift only has a few kids so the chances of finding someone else in the city during her specific shift seems unlikely. Most kids that apply are able to drive there themselves, I think that is what most kids that get in will do. 15 is the youngest age that is allowed to apply…
And yes, it’s a weekly thing. I know it’s crazy. I honestly can’t believe it’s so competitive! So many kids want to do this? Really?
She must be such an exceptional person. Being proud of her doesn’t make the hours easier but you really are seeing and supporting who she is.
I would fret until mid November. Hope you do not. HAVE A GRAND DAY tomorrow.
Oh, man, they do not make this easy.
Good luck with everything!!! I hope something works out with carpooling or some other arrangement that makes life a little easier.
Have a great day tomorrow.
Rather than framing it as giving something up, can you find something to gain out of any of the options? If I had to do an early weekend morning (and that’s the only option that would work with my circadian schedule), I would ‘treat’ myself to a fun run, or a couple hours of reading at a coffee shop, or a nearby yoga class or something after drop off in the morning to sweeten it up a bit.
Yes, I would be very upset at the prospect of this schedule. I REALLY don’t want to be out driving around at midnight on ANY night. And I would be mad at having to get super early to drive somewhere because it would interrupt my other plans (like tomorrow I’m doing a long run- having to make that drive at 7 am would wreck everything). I don’t regularly drink on weekends, but when I do have a beer I really enjoy it. There have definitely been times where I was looking forward to a Friday night beer, and then realized I couldn’t have it because my daughter still had to be picked up somewhere. So I get it! Arg, this is a tough one. Good luck with it- I’ll be interested to see what you decide.
We don’t get to decide. We just get to rank. And we ranked the weekends last. We’ll see if she gets in and what shift she gets in a couple weeks.
A slightly different question: how many things do you do that are just for fun and just for you? I wonder if this is less about the alcohol and more about the feeling that those one or two cocktails were your time (maybe your only time during the week?) and now that’s gone, too. Maybe I’m way off base – just a thought.
I have thought about this a lot. Maybe I like the drinks because I only have the drinks when I know I don’t have work the next day. So maybe just making a mocktail and enjoying that while I watch TV or a movie or hang out with the husband is enough. I think there is probably more to the “ritual” of it than the actual “alcohol” of it, which I need to lean into.