Attempting to tame my anxiety (and accept my disappointment)

I’m really struggling with my anxiety around omicron right now. I’m very fortunate not to be worried about the health of my friends or family (at least not yet), but I am VERY worried that the new variant will negate the normalcy that vaccinating our children was supposed to bring. I’ve been SO looking forward to joining the ranks of our friends and family who are already returning to aspects of their normal life (because of different levels of risk aversion this fall). The light at the end of the tunnel was burning so bright, but with the announcement of omicron it has dimmed significant. The potential disappointment of these long awaited expectations not being met is hard to ignore right now. I’m really struggling with it.

Other aspects of the news cycle are not helping this feeling of despair. So many things are horrible right now. It’s hard to recognize the country I live in sometimes. It’s hard to have hope.

I know so many other people have it much harder right now. I can’t even imagine the fatigue that the immunocompromised, or the parents of children under five, are feeling right now.

Last night my son woke up crying that his hands were stinging. He was inconsolable, unable to articulate what exactly he was feeling for several minutes. After agreeing to use the bathroom, he seemed better. Ultimately he guessed his hands had fallen asleep, and I’m sure if he were just waking up with that feeling of pins and needles it would upset him. He was calm when I left his room, but I was anything but. Lying in bed afterward, I started spiraling about what might be wrong. Did he have some a rare disease that caused nerve damage? Was it something else I’d never even known to be afraid of?

I may have been terrified during both my pregnancies, but I have never been a parent that worried incessantly about my kids’ health. I don’t want to become that parent.

I’ve written before about how the pandemic has really messed with my risk assessment muscle. This is especially true when it comes to my kids. We have followed every public health advisory, to protect our children and our community. With vaccinations available to our kids, and their peers, we finally felt we could allow them to see select friends indoors and without masks. If Omicron can evade the defenses those vaccines provide, can we allow our kids to do things that might further the variant’s spread? If our kids can easily give covid to another vaccinated kid who can easily bring it home to their more vulnerable family members, is it irresponsible of us to allow them to socialize in that way? Is it irresponsible of us to do that if everyone around us is doing that?

Honestly, I think the thing I’m most disappointed about is the need to figure out something new. We had a plan. We made decisions. Hard decisions! And now it feels like those decisions, and that plan, have been burned to the ground, leaving nothing but scorched earth on which to build something new. I’m tired of deciding. I’m tired of making plans only for them to be burnt down. I don’t know how to think about any of this anymore. And I don’t know how to keep going when it’s unclear we’ll ever be able to stop. I’m tired of letting my expectations die and living with the disappointment, and despair, that remains.

How are you feeling about Omicron? Do you foresee your plans changing because of the variant?

10 Comments

  1. No changes over here. My kids get their 2nd shot tomorrow, and 2 weeks after that we head to Mexico. Going back to total life as normal. All of our mental health can’t handle anything else.

    1. Is anything changing for your post kids-vaccinated? Or is it just now they are more protected than before, but doing the same things?

      1. Not much has changed for us post-vaccinated other than they’re more protected and we won’t have to deal with a quarantine situation if they have contact with a positive case. Our kids have been full time in school since Sept 2020 – fully masked & in small cohorts still, but fairly normal. Most everyone around here went back to regular play dates (indoor, unmasked) by last spring/summer, and now almost all of the kids in our friend group have had both COVID shots, so people are definitely more relaxed about it now. I’m hoping that after the holiday season our kids won’t have to wear masks in school if they’re fully vaccinated and be cohorted anymore. Fingers crossed!

  2. I expected a bad variant to come from countries without strong vaccination program BUT actually thought the worse variants would come from the states in this country where people do not believe in covid or vaccines or masks …. or any of it. So my worst fears can still happen.
    RIGHT NOW, we do not know much about this variant other than it is different and spreads fast.
    I had not given up masks and double masking, got my booster as soon as possible, supported my grands getting their shots as they were eligible. SO I am doing what I can and taking a cautious approach to virus safety.
    I hope to be wrong. I hope there are not more nasty waves to come. But so far my unhappiest depressed theory seems to be what happens.
    I HOPE things get better. But I am not making plans based on that hope. I make multiple plans to cover options from best to ugliest; and then I wonder where the unexpected will happen anyway. I worry but try to remember to stay tightly in the most present minute…. because even 30 mins is unsure.
    It is hard. It is wearing. It is not fun or nice. And when it gets really bad I remember how long WWII lasted world wide. I remind myself we have no choice but to face the next minute…. and we go on to the next minute.
    AND THEN I TELL YOU THANK YOU, because you have gotten me from one minute to another. We have done this, we will continue to do this. There is no choice involved other than to live or not. Bleak though it is. We do what we will and then there are results. You really are doing the same.
    Right now I am going to pick up and put away at home, and hope you pass the belt test. Would like know which level you are post test. I am so proud of what you are doing in learning to use your body for safety. Wishing you a weekend where you get some rest and personal time.

    1. Yeah. You’re right about all of it. I guess I just have to stop having expectations. I think what is hard is seeing others make choices we don’t. But I guess I just have to accept that some people can have more freedom than me. I know a lot of people have less so…

  3. YOu are NOT ALONE in finding this tough. http://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/02/well/mind/omicron-variant-questions.html?campaign_id=154&emc=edit_cb_20211203&instance_id=46980&nl=coronavirus-briefing&regi_id=165941287&segment_id=76087&te=1&user_id=1297935fdabf94e874cf0f0fdad7c713
    An article about how to cope with uncertainty at any time but article triggered by current virus situation. Watching other people who can do or have what one cannot do or have ones’ own self is always fraught. Normalizing that this is common is important to our own peace but even more so to talk about and teach our children. (role modeling doing this is simply blerky awfully nastily hard.)
    THANK YOU for bringing up this conversation and reminding me that I need to remember hang in too.

  4. Uncertainty is terrible! I am not making any changes yet except trying to get a booster appointment, but they are very hard to get here, so I don’t know when I’ll get one. Otherwise, I want to wait to learn more about the properties of the variant and see what happens with cases/hospitalizations/deaths in my highly-vaccinated community.

  5. I feel exactly the same way. I also have a kid under five. But Even so, I still viewed the 8 year old getting vaccinated as heralding a shift in our behaviors. But now I’m not sure.

  6. I, too, am worried about Omicron. We’ve continued to be very careful and intended to until my four year old was eligible for vaccination so I don’t think much will change for us. In my heart I fully expected wicked variants to come so I’m definitely not surprised. I’m most torn about whether or not we’ll pull our pre-k kiddo from school if it gets bad around here (he wears a mask daily but is the only one in his class who does).

  7. I’m working on letting go of fear, especially given my personal experience with the virus was mild. I’ll put a mask back on and carry on as needed and to my comfort level. I’ve been following intuition as these things come up and don’t allow myself to fall down research rabbit holes anymore. If I did, my mental health would definitely be compromised.

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