AWOL

I’m going to be AWOL for a bit I think. There isn’t much time for writing here in St. Louis. The kids aren’t sleeping much and we’re all sharing a room. You know how these things go. 

Of course it’s supposed to rain with thunderstorms for the entire five days we’re at “the farm,” where every fun activity involves being outside. I don’t mind the rain, as it will still be warm, but we can’t be out in it if there is lightening. 

One of the reasons I haven’t been writing much is I’m just in a bummer place. Not even having a shot at getting that job really took me down. It’s taken a few days for me to get resigned enough about my schedule next year so that I don’t cry every time I think about it. I’m just so disappointed in myself, mired in regret, for not trying to get a new job this spring, for not trying to get a new job five years ago, for waiting so long I might never be able to take the pay cut and make the move. 

But I still have a job, one that pays well and is secure (at least having some position within the district is secure, if not what I actually teach) and after watching my dad suffer six years of unemployed, I don’t take that for granted. 

For now I’m trying to focus on our trip and seeing family. The weather may interfere with our plans, and we may be getting no sleep, but I do appreciate seeing my aunts, uncles and cousins. 

At least there’s that. 

4 Comments

  1. Focus on family.
    Write down, for you, the best thing that happens each day for your children and for you. See if your daughter will make a picture for each day, so she learns to document joys.
    Breath in and out and keep repeating.
    Take care of you.
    List the best things that have happened for and to you over the past 10 years. Not for us but for you.
    Getting really clear on your values and what is lasting will help you over the months to come.
    Know you are very much cared about by your readers and we support you and are supported in turn by you.
    THANK YOU!!!!

  2. We make the decisions we make on the basis of the information we have to hand at the time. Don’t beat yourself up for not trying to get a new job earlier. You didn’t know how things would turn out. You still don’t really know how things will turn out. None of this is your fault.

    So give yourself a mental hug, take a virtual one from me, and try to find some joy in your summer.

  3. Enjoy your summer break! Much love. No need to look back, you made the best choice at the time. Now you know more and will choose differently. Life happens in surprising ways.

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