I was a total bitch today.
No, I’m not being hard on myself.
I had a bad day today, and I was in an epically bad mood about it. I was truly the biggest bitch.
I guessed my period was about to show and half way through the day it timidly knocked on my door. I hate what a bitch I become right before my period. I can’t wait until the obligatory 8-12 weeks of post-vasectomy protection is up so I can get this IUD out and go back to the girl with the three day period and no PMS.
Even knowing that my period was compounding how upset I was about a situation at work, I couldn’t seem to shake my angry, melancholy mood. The looming night of solo parenting (complete with vision therapy, bath time and food prep for my son’s “winter festival” party tomorrow) did nothing to help me shake it either. I wanted to do something for myself, to get me in a better place, but that is hard when one is trying not to spend money.
At lunch, after I spent a good 30 minutes sulking like a petulant child, I decided I was going to cut out of work early (our last class ends at 2:30 but we’re contractually obligated to stay until 3pm, so leaving at 2:45 is technically leaving early), rush home and work out before I picked up my kids. I knew a hit of endorphins would make me feel a million times better, and help me manage the marathon of dinner, vision therapy, two baths and two bedtimes. Plus, being done with my workout would remove that panicked feeling I get when bedtime takes longer than I want and I still need to exercise.
So I did it. And it felt great. Sure I picked my kids up later than I like, but I was in a better mood for working out and the night went better than it would have if I’d picked them when I normally do.
My schedule feels so constrictive these days, I’m struggling just to get food on the table and diapers washed. It can feel impossible to carve out time for myself, but sometimes I need to find a way. Otherwise I might just go insane.
Or be really, really bitchy.