Falling Back

I remember when the hour we got at the end of Daylight Savings Time felt like a gift. A whole extra hour to do with as I pleased.

Now I dread how this day drags on like the longest day of the year. I suppose it is!

And then I feel guilty for wishing I didn’t have an extra hour with my kids.

The truth is, things are definitely better. Or at least, they can be. My daughter has become, for the most part, pleasant to be around. She still has her challenges and we are still working on some very real struggles around self-control and appropriate emotional response, but since she started the magnesium, things really are so much better.

Unfortunately right around the time things got better with my daughter, they got impossible with my son. The month leading up to his 3rd birthday was a nightmare. He is still really hard to manage, with volatile meltdowns happening frequently, and most of the time for seemingly no reason at all.

When he’s emotionally regulated, he’s the sweetest boy in the world. When he’s not, it’s very hard for all of us around him.

I hope there will be a time when things are, for the most part, easier, when the extra hour at the end of Daylight Savings Time feels like a gift. Right now, we’re just not there yet. Or maybe I’m not there year.

I really appreciated Elizabeth’s recent post about loving the big picture of her life, but feeling overwhelmed by the daily reality of it. I think about that divergence in my own life all the time. When I look at what I have, in the abstract, it’s my dream reality. I’ve quite literally checked off almost every box I thought I needed to filled for me to be happy. And yet the day to day is still so challenging, and I have to work hard to find contentment in what feels like the daily grind of mornings, work, pick-up, evenings with the kids, bedtime, work at home, too little sleep, lather, rinse, repeat.

I will say that October was one of my better months as far as generalized contentment goes (I attribute this to sticking my head in the sand as far as the rest of the world goes and having so much creative work to lose myself in–I plan to write more on that soon), and I know part of that was because things with my daughter were so much easier. So maybe when my kids are a little older (4 and 7-years-old? 5 and 8?!) my feelings about the day to day will better align with my feelings about my life in general.

8 Comments

  1. Being totally ignorant on this stuff, if your daughter does better with magnesium might that help your son too? And catching it at an earlier age?/// I have no idea if this is a silly idea, son may be doing normal 3 year old stuff which is simply hard to deal with when everyone is stressed from 2 working parents, 2 small children trying to manage life in S.F. today.
    Very glad your daughter is beginning to find some better balance. Still totally thrilled you had such a wonderful and successful October event. It took a huge amount of effort and work; lovely that it went well.
    Holding hope for a good week for you; and still crossing fingers that your fall is healing and recovering well.

  2. I am so so glad to hear things are better with your daughter and I continue to be so impressed and proud that you consistently work to find solutions to help her. As for that little boy- man, 3 is such a hard age and those meltdowns are brutal on everyone. Also glad to hear you are getting back to creative work- I think this is what I need in my life as well.

  3. The time change sucks, both springing forward and falling back. Whoever decided that it was a good idea obviously didn’t have small children at home. Our naptime/bedtime schedule was completely off and they were all delirious by the time we finally got them in bed tonight.

  4. oh yeah. yesterday seemed very very long. and they were up super early again tonight.on the plus side the kids went to bed without much fuss FOR ONCE last night because they were exhausted.
    I so relate to that idea—of loving the whole more than the actual parts. Its so true about life with young kids, or maybe life in general? Maybe the key is to make time to step back and survey the whole so you can remember why you are doing it all? Or maybe hold the idea in your mind so you can return to it as needed. That all the day to day annoyances and exhaustion actually are adding up to a full and rich life.

  5. You’ve got this. I like this perspective, of remembering the whole when the parts get to be too much. You will look back on this and you will remember how you survived. Glad to hear the things that are going well, too.

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