I hosted book club on Saturday night for the first time. I am new to the book club and have only gone once, but no one else could host this month and I figured it would be better to get it out of the way, because the fall is always really busy. So I offered to host it and I spent a lot of the week cleaning up the downstairs and thinking about what to serve for dinner. But then Friday afternoon rolled around and I started melting down. The space wasn’t clean enough. My meal plan was incomplete. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get everything done before 5pm on Saturday.
Luckily my husband was willing and able to take the dinner planning and most of the prep off my place. If he hadn’t done that I might of had to cancel. I spent most of Saturday spiraling, wondering why I can’t host a simple meal for what ended up only being four people total (one got covid and the other cancelled because she was tired). Everything about hosting feels beyond my capabilities – getting the house clean enough, preparing food people actually want to eat. I’m horrible at the two skills our culture values most in women. And it’s not like I didn’t see my parents hosting all throughout my childhood. My mom’s house is always spotless and they are incredible in the kitchen. Someone how I just didn’t end up picking up either skill from them.
I wanted to come here after thinking more about it and have something insightful to say. But I don’t. I still feel shitty that I’m such a horrible host. I don’t feel as bad as I did for accepting so much help from my husband though. At least I got over that part.
I’m also fighting feelings of inadequacy about being a master teacher this year. I know I’m a good teacher, but my student teacher is a native Spanish speaker and I am not. And while I’m more than fluent enough to teach the low level language required in my classes, I have lost some of my higher level language capabilities over the years, because I just don’t use it enough in regular conversations with native speakers. And frankly, my Spanish proficiency at this point, is the result of me jettisoning goals I held for a long time to take a Sabbitical and live somewhere Spanish-speaking for at least one school year while me kids were young. So yeah, I’m having to face those feeling of inadequacy as well, which frankly sucks. I’m going to have to do a lot of soul searching this year as I wrestle with expectations that I set for myself. I don’t know if I’m up for the job.
On a similarly negative note, our cat, the one who caused so much trouble this summer, can now jump on all the kitchen counters. He used to only jump on the island, so we could prep food on the very limited counter space without worry. Now he jumps on to every counter, and the top of the fridge. I even found him walking the edge of the stove top, which is obviously incredibly dangerous. I have to admit, it’s leaving me feeling pretty demoralized. I love this cat, but he’s making my life impossible! I really don’t know what to do, other than locking him out of the kitchen most of the time. If anyone has any tips for crazy cats who want to be on the counters no matter the situation, I’d love to hear them.
How lovely of you to have hosted the book club.
Do not know the traditions of the group around food but sounds like a great deal of work to add to the hostess. Might the group consider making it simple potluck finger foods? That eases things for anyone who works and/or has a family. and would simplify your future. Spread the load.
Also means does not need to be sitting at dinner table for eating which makes it easier for family to be fed and not interrupting the book/life discussion.
What is your process for choosing a book? Is this a co-ed group so you are also feeding men who may have bigger food needs? Sounds like you have 7 people, are you looking for more members in your age group? That also spreads the load and makes pot lucking easier (no one to bring a ‘big meal’ dish …. am thinking along line of cheese/crackers, cookies, simple salad dishes, veggies and dip). Because with 7 people if you meet monthly people need to host more than 1 in 12 months…. and work is real.
SO LOVELY OF YOU TO HAVE DONE THIS.
No idea how to convince a cat to stay off surfaces in kitchen. Heard about using double sided sticky tape until cat quits but am not sure how that works and it sounds messy awkward, also like it might be NASTY for cat. Further, I do not know if it would actually work. I think cats that like to jump and climb simple do that …
Maybe I just had an easy cat, but if he jumped up I just consistently told him no and put him down. He caught on very quickly that kitchen counters were off limits. Now, did he jump on the counters when I wasn’t there? I don’t know for sure, but never saw any evidence that he did…
I find hosting hard too and my mom hosted all the time growing up! All the time! I do it and I’m reasonably confident the food will taste ok but I get stressed about timing everything and how it looks and whether the side dishes are adequate. I never know if I should switch plates for dessert and at what point I should and whether the food is hot enough or has been out too long and so much more. I also get stressed about my kids. And I’m never relaxed in the lead up. My sister hosts all the time with little notice and absolutely no stress. I have no idea how she does it. And she has less housekeeping help than I do. I always feel good after I do it but it requires so much of me.
I think it’s great that you did it even if it was initially stressful.
I often host book club and we make it easy by just doing snacks + everyone brings something. Dinner is a lot!!! (Though often I will just do takeout when hosting dinner – like Mediterranean or nicer pizza or something.)
PS: the benefit of NOT being a native speaker of Spanish is that you have an understanding of what it is like to learn a language – something the native speaker may not have if they grew up bilingual. I can see how you would both be valuable for different reasons in the class (plus you have tons of teaching experience and you CARE – I bet you are a fantastic Spanish teacher!)
I think that it seems totally reasonable that you share with the student teacher that one of the reasons that you are happy to work with her is that she can learn this really engaging teaching method you have developed from you and you can get a chance to practice the more complex Spanish that you don’t get to use while only working with beginning middle school students. This way you will both benefit from working together. We all lose the knowledge that we don’t get a chance to use (how much of high school or college classes do you remember now years later?) and higher order language is no different. Don’t feel bad about it and let it linger, just be honest that you would love to be more fluent but your regular teaching assignment hasn’t been enough and has kept you too busy to do the traveling and immersion experiences you would love to have. Maybe this can be win-win for both of you!
Question for ya – have you ever gone to a dinner party and judged the host for the food they prepared? Maybe I’m an anomaly, but I totally haven’t, and I guess that helps me have less anxiety about prepping for dinner parties at my own house! Maybe just think about it that way and realize that any person you’d actually want to associate with isn’t going to care if your house isn’t clean enough or your food on trend enough or whatever!
I am a non-native speaker and can relate to your fears of not knowing “street” Spanish haha I wouldn;t worry too much if you can – to know a language a to be able to teach a language are two very different things 🙂 You are gonna be great once you meet your kids. I’d love to mentor a novice teacher – a new experience that I’m sure will bring a lot of positive learning for you, too.
Hi, never been involved in any book club that involved providing dinner. The one I am currently in we meet at a local hotel in the evening and it’s just coffee and snacks. The other one the meeting was in peoples homes but it was just a glass of wine and snacks. No sit down meal – that sounds like too much trouble and effort. Like you I feel compelled to clean for 24hrs before visitors arrive.
Our two cats both jumped on our counters. I was slightly put out by this when we first got cats (having been used to dogs) but just had to adapt. Couldn’t stop them jumping up. Just need to make sure that no butter or cheese etc. is left out unsupervised or it will be licked by the cat. It has lessoned off now the cat is older and can’t be bothered to jump up often but it took a bit of getting used to from a hygiene point of view. Our older cat left us and moved home to a neighbour when we got a new puppy so only one jumping cat now!!
Your kitty looks very comfy on top of the fridge.
Our cats (we have 4) walk on the counters all the time; I just make sure that there is no food out they can get to and I wash everything down before I food prep. We keep their food on top of the fridge to keep it out of reach of the dog.
Also, I have hosted book club at my house for years, with low expectations; I heat water for tea, and put out napkins for snacks. Everyone brings something yummy and we snack and drink all night long. I like being the consistent host because it means I don’t have to leave my house in the evening. The trade off is with it to me!
You stepped up and hosted. If anyone judges the food and cleanliness of your house, it is THEIR problem, not yours. Meaning, THEY need to work on their judgmental tendencies.
The white board had me laughing. “Days since dad dookey.”
You stepped up and hosted. If anyone judges the food and cleanliness of your house, it is THEIR problem, not yours. Meaning, THEY need to work on their judgmental tendencies.
The white board had me laughing. “Days since dad dookey.”
Ha! Yes, “Days since Bad Dookey” refers to THIS SAME CAT and his intestinal distress, which was a recurring theme this summer. So glad that is behind us.