Goals

We’re having big talks about the house right now, trying to decide what our long term strategy will be. It’s making me think a lot about what our ultimate goals are. Do we really want a bigger house? Do we want the space to entertain? The only thing we’re sure of is that we want that unit to be functional on its own, for our kids, or our parents, (or maybe even us!) one day. Maintaining that functionality is what is making all of this so difficult.

But it’s also making me think of other things, like if we’ll ever live abroad. It’s something I very much want to do, but the longer I stay at my job, the less certain I am that I’ll ever have the cojones to leave. In teaching when you leave a position you take a pay cut. There is really no way I can take a year off and not sacrifice hundreds of thousands of dollars over the remainder of my teaching career.

Is a dream worth hundreds of thousands of dollars?

The main reason I want to live abroad is to become truly fluent in Spanish. That is something I desperately want to do. I also very much want my kids to live away from the United States for a little bit, for a number of reasons. But I will readily admit that my main reason for wanting to get away is to become truly fluent. And one of the main reasons I want to become truly fluent is so I can use that fluency in my career.

I think a lot about just waiting until I’m retired to live abroad. But if I don’t achieve that goal until the effective end of my life, did I actually achieve it at all? If the reason I wanted to achieve that goal was to improve my professional capacity and I accomplished it after I am done working, did I really achieve that goal? I’m not asking these questions because I believe the answer is no; I’m honestly not sure what the answers are.

It’s frustrating to feel stuck in my current position. It’s frustrating to feel like I don’t have a lot of options. I know I feel these restrictions because of my own assumptions, and I’m ready to admit that my assumptions might not be based in actual fact. Generally when this quagmire pulls me into the muck, I set it down and walk away, believing that when it’s time to make these difficult decisions I’ll know what the right answers should be. (Or recognizing that I a future me will need to make these decisions, and I can let her handle this difficult shit.)

I also recognize that these are first world problems and the world is on fire and it’s stupid to get pulled into the muck when all around me planet is self-destructing. It’s just stuff I think about, questions I wish I knew how to answer.

8 Comments

  1. Does your school/district offer the opportunity to take a sabbatical? Effectively holding your place for X time? Especially if the goal was professionally motivated and could be argued would ultimately benefit them & your students? I think living abroad would be amazing!

    1. Technically yes, we can ask for a sabbatical (no pay but they hold your place), but evidently they haven’t granted one, despite many requests. So effectively, no, a sabbatical is not an option.

  2. Was also going to ask about a sabbatical. And it’s not a whole year, but what about going abroad for the entire summer every year or most years? I’m sure I’m way below your level of Spanish but I did minor in it in college and I made major gains just living in Spain for six weeks one summer.

  3. Echoing the commenter before me: would spending an entire summer get you closer to your goal of fluency in Spanish? I have seen ads for programs that are only a month long that promise fluency.

    One of the benefits of teaching in public schools is having summers off, so why not take advantage of it.

  4. Totally agree with the other comments about summer (and didn’t you spend a significant time in a spanish-speaking country last summer or I am imagining that??)

    But, while spending time living abroad is totally amazing, I might question the goal of “truly fluent.” My kids have been in an immersion school since preK. We’ve spent a sabbatical abroad, with them attending public school and multiple summers where they attended camps abroad.

    And they’re still not “truly fluent.” I mean, their accent and language abilities are excellent— but it’s not their native language and they don’t feel it in their bones the way they do English.

  5. The thought of raising my children in another country is enough to motivate me to leave my current position, that I love and adore and in which I am treated well. Just the amazing opportunity it will give your children later in life and maybe you too. Perhaps you find a better job when you return. is it something your husband wants to do as well? as he would be needing to leave/take a sabbatical as well. If right now living abroad isn’t feasible perhaps the living abroad many summers will work for the meantime. As much as we need money to live and support our families, we are never remembered for the size of our bank accounts, live so you have very few regrets!

  6. Fellow teacher here and also wondering if a compromise (and also a way to evaluate if leaving your current job for a whole year is “worth” it…) could be to go somewhere for all or most of a summer. If you could swing eight weeks or so somewhere in full immersion, that would be significant.

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