I was at the dojo for four hours today, so this will be short.
I’m really in the weeds right now. At work. At home. Everywhere. Stuff is coming into the house and I have no where to put it. We still haven’t put everything back into the bathroom because the floor needs to be done, but the plumbers will be ripping out the floor in the downstairs kitchen next week, so a ton of stuff from in there needs to come out. I only just moved my warmer weather clothing into storage and pulled out my colder weather wear. I wanted to have everything more in order and it’s not and I’m disappointed in myself. But of course this month is packed and there is no way any of it is getting done any time soon.
My classroom is the same. Shit everywhere. Piles and piles of stuff. Grades are due and no one can tell us how to post them. Kids are still trying to turn in late work. I’m tired and I just don’t care anymore. I hate the week where we are teaching new stuff for the next trimester, but the last trimester is still technically not closed. I am so over loaded.
It’s only been two days and I feel like any lingering feelings of rest and relaxation from the break have evaporated. I’m already counting down the days until the next break, but will it really change anything?
Not if I don’t change something myself. That is the reality of it. I need to make the changes. It will all keep coming at me and I need to do things differently or I’ll always feel this way.
I wish I knew how to break these cycles. I wish I knew how to affect real change in my life. Instead I just keep doing the same stuff that makes me feel the same way and I wonder why nothing changes. Or I wonder when it’s going to change. But “it” won’t change. I have to. It’s important for me to remember that.
Your bathroom is all torn up!!!!! of course things are at 6s and 7s. With a room in chaos everything piles up. Your tree is up and you have switched your wardrobe storage for seasonal wear. THAT IS A LOT. Count your achievements. Your kids are old enough to do 10 minute pick ups and if 3 of you do that once a day it will help. BUT really…. your bathroom is torn up and you are doing holiday prep work. Be kind to you!
If the school does not have a easy functional system up and explained for grades it is not possible to make that easier. It will be the mess. You did get grading done last week. It takes time. AND, it sounds awful and dispiriting and wearing. MUCH sympathy.
Thank you for taking the time to say the overwhelm is crazed. It was my truth at that time of my life too. No advice but to keep on as best you can and do not ask more than that of yourself, pat yourself on the back for what you ARE GETTING DONE! You are amazing.
While I agree that you need to change how you react to the stress, remember also that you stated recently that DH is in a downward spiral right now, and it definitely seems like his darker depression times ultimately put a LOT more of the house/kid work on you, which I’m sure is contributing to things. I think him getting on the right balance of meds/exercise/therapy to help with his mental issues will ultimately help BOTH of you, you know? Hang in there, N. That’s a lot.
Yes to everything JJ said, AND having work done in the house is VERY stressful. I feel like we’re all making excuses for you- but sometimes other people have a perspective you don’t. It sounds like things are tough right now. Treat yourself well, get to the next break, get the house in order and then see where you’re at. You can do it.
You have a lot going on, sometimes it just means we hang on until some things are taken off our plates. I can relate to having breaks, but not feeling very rested for very long. I hope your next break comes soon 🙂