On the Note to Self advice episode from January, Manoush suggested that one way to combat information overload is to set an intention every time you go online, and stick to the intention. She says it’s not finding that recipe or checking your Instagram feed or buying that thing you need (or even want) that creates the feeling of overwhelm, but jumping back and forth between them without recognizing what your trying to get done. I have to agree.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, trying to determine what my intention is when I open my phone. The reality is that most of the time I’m doing it out of habit; it’s a mindless exercise with no intention at all. I suppose I’m trying to distract myself, but even that is hard to determine. When I do think of what my intention might be, and can’t articulate it, I turn the phone off again. It’s a small gesture, and not particularly powerful, but it is getting me thinking about my phone use differently.
The idea is also extended into my blog reading. I’ve noticed a shift in my satisfaction with blog reading over the years. It used to be my favorite past time, but lately I feel… it’s hard to explain, all I know is that doesn’t feel as good as it used to.
As I try to set my blog reading intention (Why am I opening up my reader for the upteenth time today?) I realize that my reason for reading blogs used to be connection. I read the blogs of people I considered friends, commented in those places, and felt a part of community. The vast majority of those people have long since stopped writing–the community is all but gone–and yet I keep coming back looking for that sense of connection.
Instead I find impersonal blogs about productivity and minimalism and personal finance. Not only do I find no meaningful connection in these places, but many of them make me feel bad about myself and my many short comings.
It’s so obvious now that I see it, but for the longest time it was very distressing, my inability to identify and articulate why blog reading was no longer what it used to be. Now that I see the change for what it is, I feel more at peace. I’m deeply sad about it–I realize I lost something important and positive that I’ll likely never get back–but it’s easier to mourn and eventually accept a loss when I can see it for what it is.
Now that I realize my intention for reading blogs is not at all what is happening when I read them I have to make some changes. Either I adjust my intentions to keep reading, or I accept that reading now will never meet my original intention and stop.
What is your intention when you read blogs? Do you believe you meet that intention when you read them?
In a world that is not normal and is scary I am looking for grounding and normalcy and connection to people who are moving forward and living life. I look for real life with problems and solutions and children and the reality of living with people (including children). It keeps me in a normal that is still happening so I don’t get lost in my brain and worries about things I can do little about. An antidote to going without speaking to or seeing another person for 48 hours, which can sound nice when family is constantly happening, but actually is isolating and not healthy. Other people’s personal worlds continue and I can see mine does too.
My intention in reading to blogs used to be (mainly) the same as yours: connection. Now, I would say that connection continues to be one reason but it’s less of a reason now that I don’t blog myself anymore.
Entertainment and information are now my main motives for reading blogs. Which is an interesting shift.
I like the idea of being intentional about your time online. I am certainly not, most of the time. . . and even when I start out with a specific intention, too often, I tend to “fall down the rabbit hole” of mindlessly scrolling through my Fac.ebo.ok news feed. I think I use social media too much as a distraction or to “relax,” when in reality, the wasted time makes me more stressed, and it is anything but relaxing.
I still look for connection, although passive as opposed to active because I don’t comment very much. The few blogs I still read, I identify in some way with the perspective of the author, even if they live a very different life to the one I’m living.
I especially like reading about how people manage their families, and manage their lives in the aftermath of infertility. I haven’t tried for kids yet, but have stage iv endometriosis, which may make having a family a long journey for me.
This is really good! I had never really thought about my technology usage in this way and it does often feel overwhelming – mostly from the sheer volume of information and also dissatisfying (is that a word?!). I think my intentions were both to look for information on various topics and to have some connection through reading about others in similar stages of their life (working parents, two kids).
The dissatisfaction comes on the topic side when I go to research something and can’t figure out good credible sources, or even better – when you find conflicting arguments on multiple viewpoints on issues. I find I waste so much time on this. I think I need to go with my own instincts sometimes and then find as credible sources or those that I resonate with and stop trying to read ALL the different view points.
For the connection of life stage – I really have enjoyed several blogs including yours and appreciate the candidness and honesty in looking at life. I think if there is any dissatisfaction in this reading is because I have been too passive. I often think comments in my head but will not always post. I’m not sure why. This is the piece that is missing from making reading life blogs more meaningful.
So thank you for expressing this out into the world. You really have made me see things in new ways a lot. I think sometimes I want to mull something over a bit before I comment and then I feel like the moment passed by to say anything of value. I need to just jump right in.
I listened to that podcast, thoought it was a great idea, and promptly forgot about it. Which makes me wonder why I listened in the first place, right? My intention for blogs is still about connection in most cases (like yours), but there are some I look at to learn things. I agree with you that certain things I read/listen to only make me aware of my many many shortcomings, so I have been ruthless in only reading the blogs that really make me feel good. Because there is more than enough in life to cause me stress without searching for it online.
I kept thinking about it. But it keeps coming back to the same point. Writers like you make me feel safer; I see the continuity of similar domestic and parental issues and problems… and often improved answers today to the issues. It reminds me that normalcy is continuing. Also I am more connected to your generation’s pressures and needs and perspectives. Being connected, I am less alone and less powerless, because your generation is ahead of my age group at the same age….and that makes me feel like the world is making progress from my parent’s generation, and winning can happen.
All on this blog give me hope and exercise my brain.
My relationships to blogs has definitely shifted over the years as I became more “offline IRL” friends with people – and most of those friendships now persist via our connections on FB and Instagram. Technology just keeps evolving – both in structure and function – and I think blogs have largely gone by the wayside as we become more of a culture of clicking “like” instead of writing an entire comment.
For me as well, the older I get, the more restricted my friend circle becomes, so where I loved having 100+ ALI blogs to follow back in the day, that is just overwhelming to me now and would never actually happen now that my days are more filled with parenting items as well, so even if blogging was the same as 10 years ago, I’d use it differently now as a result of that. Quality over quantity when it comes to friendships, you know?
I know you struggle with adult friendships, and I think that’s a pretty pervasive issue for most moms in our culture. By the time we “lean in” and run the household, WOH, parent our kids, etc…there’s just not much time left for fostering those friendships. It sucks. I go through phases of having a really close friend or two and then that fades, repeat. It’s so frustrating, but I’m equally at fault for all the times I glance at my phone and see a text and realize days later I never replied. *Sigh*
I read blogs that resonate with me – which is akin to your connection, except since I rarely comment it’s one-sided. I read a couple of advice blogs (Captain Awkward and AAM) and some blogs that are more about living a certain way, and about 2 serious-topics-here blogs. My favorites though are blogs like yours and others that basically just write about their lives. (Also, I love your blog.)
I feel like the Internet has become saturated with poor quality content and information which makes it much harder to find the good stuff. I miss the days before my weird little interests became trendy and people started recycling the ideas.