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I wonder a lot why I keep writing here. I wish I had more to offer.

Yes, I believe my story is valuable. I love reading other people’s stories, and it seems some people are interested in reading mine (thanks!), but I wonder sometimes if I could be doing something different, and more productive, with this space.

In my old space I wrote for me, to process all the feelz. There is less to process these days. My life has taken on a monotonous pace, and in the absence of big feelings to work through, I can’t help but consider the purpose of this place.

Also, I think my writing has actually gotten worse over time. I went back to read some of my first posts here and I didn’t recognize the writing. Even then it felt like I was tackling bigger issues; now most of my posts are run-downs of my days, and not very articulate ones at that.

I think a part of me expected to some day have my Aha! Moment, some epiphany to lend purpose, or at least direction. But that epiphany never came, and I continue to struggle with the many issues (spending, clutter, overwhelm, job dissatisfaction) that still plague me, after having abandoned others (friendship, community, creativity, mindfulness) along the wayside of life. I don’t know if I want this place to be mostly a brief summary of my days, but I don’t know what else I have to offer…

At this point I keep writing because I can’t imagine stopping. But that isn’t a real reason to continue doing something.

It’s something I’ll be thinking about.

7 Comments

  1. I still write because I enjoy it. I enjoy reading your writing even if it’s just a run down of your day…mostly because it helps me feel less alone. Do what you need to do, but to me you have a purpose here….but I’m selfish

  2. I enjoy reading your thoughts and about your daily life. I initially came because I was searching infertility blogs (we had/have secondary infertility) but stayed because many issues you write about resonate with me (e.g. friendship issues). Do what’s right for you, but I keep reading 🙂

  3. You cause me to think, to understand the struggles of your age group, to reflect on how much more complex child rearing has become since when I was a child, to review my own habits and normalize my own humanity. Also to apply the comments I make to you to myself which is enormously good for me. You feel it is mundane sometimes I think … I think it is reality and humanity important to see with open eyes and honesty from other perspectives. You help me remember to not judge my insides against others outsides….and to not assume that social media presentations are full and accurate reflections of how ‘everyone else is leading perfect problem-free lives’. I know, at my age, you might think I no longer fall into that error…… you are wrong, I do.
    Thank you for continuing to write. You are good. I wouldn’t read you otherwise.

  4. You know I love reading the everyday struggles of extraordinary women like you. But I do get that feeling—I feel it too. Especially when I look back over past posts and wonder how I am moving BACKWARDS in life?

  5. I enjoy reading your posts but also get what you’re saying. With my own blog, once I had my twin sons and was no longer struggling with infertility, I found myself less often and about mundane things like updating on my sons’ milestones and the like. I eventually stopped writing because my blog started to feel like one more obligation I was having difficulty keeping up with.

    But. I do sometimes miss writing and the connections I made with others through my blog. So there’s that.

  6. I adore your blog and it’s honesty about parenting, marriage, careers, etc. I think a lot of us struggle with these facets (especially thanks to social media), while reconciling them with how we thought life would be in our mid-to-late 30’s.
    This is going to sound strange, but your blog feels like a coffee date with an old friend, where you catch up on the good, bad and ugly of life. I find myself happy for you when things go your way. Or nodding my head in agreement at certain point you make. Or getting fired up for you when you come across another example of unfairness in the world, because I have been there too. You should continue to write only if you enjoy doing so, but know there are many in the blogosphere that continue to enjoy what you’re putting out there. 😊

  7. I can’t remember how I found you, maybe through Keiko’s blog? I kept on reading because you kept on writing and I love your honesty. If you stop writing I’d be sad, but you don’t have to keep it up for me if you feel like it’s taking you away from other things.

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