Remember that thing I mentioned in yesterday’s post; my idea for how I could get away, that I can’t actually afford? This is it:
I want a yurt in our backyard. Nothing big or fancy, just a small one–maybe 15 feet across?–that can be my sanctuary, a spot to find calm in the storm. I know our house is not particularly small at 1200 sq ft, but it can feel small when there aren’t any rooms that I can escape to, where the kids will just leave me be. Our bedroom is basically in the living room because the only thing that separates the two is a foldable Japanese shade–sound passes through it like it’s not even there. The kitchen door doesn’t close right, and even if it did, it has glass panes and the kids can see through them (actually there are two glass-paned doors leading to the kitchen, one from the hall and one from the living room). The “sun room,” where we eat, is relatively secluded, but it’s small and dank and really cold in the winter (it has no insulation). Plus the cat’s food and water are in there, so my husband gets irrationally upset when I try to close the door, even for a short while.
There just isn’t anywhere I can get away from for an hour, when I need a break. And since my husband never takes the kids anywhere, I get way fewer breaks than he does. Plus, there is no room where I can work out in the morning, or during the bedtime routine that wouldn’t involve me waking someone up or getting yelled at by the kids at the gate when I’m on the elliptical.
The idea of a pristine, round room in our backyard, where I could do yoga or an exercise video, or just read a book for an hour in the middle of a weekend day, or on a night when I want some time away but don’t have anyone to meet up with (this happens A LOT) is so amazing. We have the perfect space for it, it would seriously be the coolest fucking thing. Of course we can’t afford it, and if we actually saved up a six-month emergency fund before we got one, we wouldn’t be able to get it for YEARS, like maybe a decade. So yeah. That is my thing right now. And it’s never going to happen. But it can sit in my mind, with the electric-assisted cargo bike we can’t afford, in that space reserved for wish-we-coulds, until it eventually fades away.
I know, I know. I’m fucking crazy. And I always want absurd shit. I’ll get over it. I just think it would be such a nice way to deal with so many of our problems. It’s fun to daydream.