Blerg

So, it turns out that synthesizing multiple articles, along with my own thoughts, and the thoughts of others, in a cohesive, insightful way is hard. Really hard. And it’s taking me forever to do it.

It doesn’t help that Saturday night I drank too much and Sunday morning I felt horrible. Like, hungover, horrible. I was supposed to be at work by 9am and that is where I was going to take some quiet hours to work on my post, but at 8am there was no way I could get out of bed, let alone drive for 30 minutes on the highway, so I lost my chance. I was super frustrated with myself.

I didn’t end up making it to work until 11:30, which means I had less than an hour to make copies and get a few things together to bring home before I met my daughter and mom at a youth theater production of Aladdin Jr. that some of my students were in. At least by then I was feeling better.

The rest of the evening went okay and I thought I might even be able to write the post Sunday, while I exercised but I quickly realized that wasn’t going to happen. It’s one thing to get on the elliptical and get down about of stream-of-consciousness drivel like this, it’s quite another to jump back and forth between my outline and links and wordpress’s draft page. I gave it a good ten minute go, but I wasn’t getting anywhere.

And I still have to make six seating charts before I go to bed. So yeah, it’s not happening. Or by the time you read this, it will have failed to happen.

Ugh, the I-was-super-hungeover-and-only-feel-marginally-better workout is not fun. It’s going to be a long 45 minutes.

But before I sign off, I want to get out a few thoughts that have been churning in my head of late. They aren’t really big enough to be posts in and of themselves, but they are worth putting out there.

  • Saturday my parents took the kids after my son’s nap because my husband and I were seeing a comedy show (SF SketchFest is in town–my husband and I have been going for ten years). We wisely decided to get busy before we went out because I knew we’d be tired when we got home, and I wasn’t sure we’d have time the next morning (ha! or be hungover!) so we commenced sexy time, but I was having such a hard time getting into it. Finally I realized that I was stressed about the general state of the house, and the busy Sunday ahead, and I just couldn’t push either from the back of my mind. Once I realized what was happening I was able to get past it relatively quickly and we ended up enjoying ourselves (finally!). Later I told my husband why I thought I had struggled so mightily to get in the mood. I think he kind of understands. The weekend we spent together in December the house was clean and we had four days to do with as we pleased; it was super easy for me to get in the mood then. It’s a lot harder when every where I look I see a mess to be cleaned or laundry to be folded. I’m not sure how to handle this moving forward, but I think recognizing it is a good first step.
  • We found out Friday that my daughter’s teacher will be out for four weeks because of an emergency surgery. There is little chance they will find a long term sub, which means the next month will see a revolving door of substitutes who have no idea what they are doing while the room descends into chaos. This will be stressful for all of the class. My daughter will handle it especially poorly.
  • We are THREE WEEKS AWAY from being done with vision therapy. The only thing I have more eagerly awaited was finishing graduate school (when I was working full time with a six month old). To say the last eight weeks has been challenging would be an understatement of epic proportions. There are few things I loathe as much as those fucking exercise, and the hell they make my life. I cannot wait to be done with it. And the really great news is that my daughter has progressed amazingly well–she’s almost already where they want her, the final weeks are just to buildup the neuropathways she’s been creating so that she will never have to have vision therapy again. Three weeks. I can do three weeks. We’re soooooo close.
  • My daughter’s “selective eating” (I read somewhere you should use “selective” instead of picky”) is becoming more selective. As the range of her approved foods narrows, it’s becoming harder and harder to find something she is willing to eat. Her breakfast and lunch every school day is the same thing, and at this point there are only a handful of things she’ll have for dinner. We clearly need to change something, but I’m not willing to do that until we’re done with vision therapy. There are only so many battles I can fight in a single evening.
  • Things with my husband continue to be better. He is still stepping up on the home and child care front in ways he didn’t used to. He’s still not bitching about it. I’m learning to let him do things I used to do, and to not feel guilty about him doing it. I’m learning to leave my martyrdom at the door. Things are good, and dare I say it? I think they may even get better.
  • {My only wish is that it were easier for me to get away. I actually have an idea for how to make that happen, but of course I can’t afford it. I’ll write more about this soon — for realz this time, I actually wrote it in this post but it got too long so I pulled it out. I’ll put it up tomorrow.}
  • Holy shit how do I still have ten more minutes on this machine?! I know I’ll feel better for having exercised but right now I just want to be done! For the love!
  • I finally started Ready Player One and am, only one fourth of the way in, totally and completely obsessed. I really hope it maintains my attention and enthusiasm for the remainder.
  • Did you know that if you do something you want to undo on your iPhone–like select text and then paste over it instead of copying it–you can shake your phone and a “undo action” button will appear. It’s like Command+Z for your iPhone and evidently it works in multiple apps.

And I’m pushing 1.000 words so I’ll let you all go. I wish I could write my middle class post as easily as this one. Thank you for your patience as I attempt to tackle what is clearly more than I am capable of.

10 Comments

  1. the post will be done when its done, don’t worry about it.
    re: point #1 (getting in the mood). Can you try to make the bedroom the one place where there isn’t a big mess? Will out of sight=out of mind work for that? If all else fails, a drink usually does the trick for me. Also, having a plan for the busy day ahead…when its amorphous and just “busy” I get stressed, when I’ve blocked out when things will happen, I feel more in control. My husband isn’t a fun of discussing & planning like this, but I’m trying to get him to see how it helps me relax and be more in the mood for fun. Sometimes, when I just can’t get out of “mom mode” or running my to-do list, it helps to transition with a TV show or play a board game or anything at all, rather than trying to go straight from cleaning the kitchen/reading bedtime stories to being in the mood.

    1. I know! I’ve had the audio for a while, but it wasn’t until your glowing review that I was pushed to start it. I’m so glad I did. It’s awesome.

  2. Do the article when you have the time to do it the way you intend.
    SO, Question: How did you do this one? I mean: are you using a diction program and then reviewing and correcting? Cause it sounds like you somehow are writing while exercising and I have heard this is possible but totally do not know this to be reality. OR do you sit down and write with your fingers like I am doing.
    Always impressed by what you publish. Thank you.

    1. So, I don’t use a diction program, I actually put a book on the handles and control panel of my elliptical so that I can place my computer there, and then I type while I’m actually on working out on the elliptical. I’m sure I don’t get as good of a workout when I do it this way, because I can’t push myself as hard when I’m typing, but I have so little time right now that it’s worth losing the ability to push myself really hard if I can write while I’m working out. I’ll have my husband take a picture of me doing it some day, so you can get a visual. I recognize how absurd it must sound, because it is totally absurd. 😉

  3. The selective eating thing sounds really tough. Is daughter able to say why or what her parameters are around what she will and will not eat? Or is it purely control and arbitrary. Sounds intensely difficult to manage around. I totally support you in finishing the Vision work totally before you try to even think of how to address this. One enraged polar bear at a time is simply sensible.

    1. She can’t articulate it past, “I don’t like that anymore.” She used to love eggs and the other day we asked her to eat three bites and by the last one she was gagging. While I wonder if it’s a power struggle thing that is happening because of the stress (and loss of control) of vision therapy, I don’t think she is forcing herself to gag to make a point. So I don’t know. At this point she will only eat 3-5 things without making a huge fuss, and even for those she complains. It’s very stressful.

      1. WOW! Gagging at her age over egg makes me nervous as it is generally easy to swallow down. HOWEVER, you know what she IS swallowing in terms of texture and I do not. I have faith in your judgement on this. IF she is still drinking milk you might try milk, egg, banana in a shake and maybe some spinach for the nutrition side of things assuming her issue is in the texture not taste … but even I am skeptical of that idea as she clearly is being highly selective. If she isn’t losing weight I still think waiting to deal with the issue until a week of no more vision stuff makes good sense.
        That all adds up to gigantic pressure on you. I am so sorry and wish I could help with unicorn horn magic.

  4. I hope the drinking was fun! Bleargh on the consequences. I’ve missed the discussion on the middle class post but I will catch up, and I am looking forward to your analysis, but zero pressure! I’m really sorry to hear about your daughter’s increasing food sensitivities, but happy about the husband news, and impressed by your dedication to getting it on – it’s so important, and I always appreciate the reminder of how important it is. Going to reserve that book at the library now!

  5. Our OT just figured out that E has vision tracking problems – she can’t follow something with her gaze without losing it and she turns her whole body instead of moving her eyes sometimes. I need to go back and re-read your first vision post. I’m so sorry that eating is getting harder. I can’t remember if I’ve already sent you some of the helpful info we got from our feeding clinic but I’m happy to! One thing we’ve learned (and even though we know it, still struggle not to do it), there are studies that show asking a kid to eat a certain number of bites of a particular food makes it a less preferred food in the future. But it doesn’t have the same negative effect if you are more generic about it, “you can have three more bites of something before you get down” or “you can have three bites of something before we get a second helping of crackers.” (We’re also taught to say “you can” and not “can you?”) I have loads more ass-vice if you want it 😉 Ready Player One has been at the top of my to-read list for a long time – I need to get on it!!!

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