Resolution

They figured out who in my class shared the zoom links with the racist asshats who came in and said the horrible, ugly, hateful things. The kid got a three day suspension.

I’m pleasantly surprised. I want to learn more about how they figured out who it was. It was not the student I suspected, the student that the circumstantial evidence suggested. In fact it was the student that my colleague suspected (there were other incidents in another set of classes and the number of students in both my class and the others was relatively small), but no evidence from the incident in my class to support that it was this kid. I want to know if the quick log in from the former student helped them figure it out, or if it was something else in entirely. I want to know who they sent the link to that came in and said all the hateful, racist things. I want to know a lot, but I have to wait until I’m on campus to find out and I’m not sure when that will be.

In the end they not only had zoom’s security team working on it, but they also called in the police. I’m wondering if there were more incidents after mine (which was after the incidents in the other classes). It seems like they were resigned to the fact that they couldn’t figure it out, and then all of the sudden they knew who it was. I’m so isolated as an elective teacher at home. I’m always the last to know.

The day before they figured it out my principal and the school’s counselor came into that class’s zoom and did a restorative Jamboard session where kids could share how the incident made them feel. I appreciated the time we spent on it, but it was clear we all wanted some justice. It’s nice to know the person who subjected us to all that will be facing consequences.

Yesterday was significant for other reasons. We attended our daughter’s 5th grade promotion over zoom. Today is her last day of in person learning. It is the last time I will drop them off at their school, a school I spent copious amounts of time at for PTA and other events. It’s a good school. I know I’ve had a complicated relationship with it, but it served our children well. There are a lot of really good people at that school, and I will be sad to say goodbye. I have gift cards for many of them and I’m afraid I’ll cry when I deliver them tomorrow. Especially to the two secretaries, who were nothing but helpful, supportive and kind to me as both a parent and a PTA board member. (I’m crying as I write this and re-read it.)

I don’t think anyone knows we won’t be back next year. They probably assume my daughter is going elsewhere for middle school (it’s a K-8 school but the middle school is notoriously low performing and a large portion of the 5th grade class leaves for other 6-8 middle schools), but they probably think my son will be there next year in 2nd grade. I don’t even know if his current teacher knows he’s going to another school. I just haven’t had the heart to tell anyone yet.

I have a lot of big feelings about it. They are complex and complicated and I don’t know if I’ll ever sort them out. I probably won’t, and that’s okay. Feelings don’t have to be teased apart, not always. But it’s still hard. I’ve been a very active and involved parent at that school for six years. I know the people. I know the community. Next year I’ll be at two schools I know nothing about, where I’m a stranger to everyone. It’s going to be an adjustment, one I think I’m ready to make. I hope I’m ready.

My kids still have zoom school on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week, but tomorrow feels like their last day. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye.

I think the wave has finally crested with work, and things will get easier moving forward. I sent out the final newsletters, and graded the final projects. Tomorrow my students take a test and it’s the last big grade going into the grade book. Next week we continue reading a graphic novel on a site where all the activities are already made and the students can’t pass to the next chapter without getting a certain percentage of the activities correct. There is no prep and it’s very easy to “score.” We’ll be doing that all next week and it will be glorious. At this point I can just ride the wake of the wave to the last day of school.

I feel like I should have more to say about all of it. About ending this year that for me was almost entirely spent in distance learning. I feel like I should have something profound to say. But I don’t right now. All I can say is that I’m bone tired, tired in my body and my soul in ways I don’t remember ever being. I am so excited to return to my classroom next year, it makes me giddy just thinking about it. But before that happens I need to take a long rest. I hope the summer provides that. I think it will.