Struggle Care Sees Me

How is it only Tuesday?! Waaaah!

I found a new podcast called Struggle Care. It’s about changing the way you think about care tasks. She talks about the functionality of a space. Just figuring out what you need to do make a space work for you, even if it doesn’t look Insta-worthy. A neat space and a messy space are both morally neutral – the only thing that matters is making it work for you. I love that messaging. I need it. It meets me where I’m at.

I read a lot of VERY high functioning people. And I’m sure I seem very high functioning myself. But my house is always and disaster and my classroom is too. My ADHD shows up the most in the executive functioning required to keep my spaces functional. To have someone remind me that my self worth is not reflected in the spaces around me… it’s powerful.

The creator of Struggle Care – KC Davis – has ADHD. She was only diagnosed recently and it’s interesting to hear her reflect on her past mental health struggles through the lens of her new diagnosis. I see a lot of myself in her. I attribute a great many of my mental health struggles in high school, college and my 20s to my undiagnosed ADHD. Starting medication was such a positive step in my life.

She talks about the social challenges of ADHD too. I still struggle with that stuff so much. When someone asks how I’m doing I have to remind myself to ask them back, instead of just talking about myself. It’s literally a little note that pops up in my brain. Ask them about their summer too! I’m 42 and it doesn’t come naturally me.

I have to watch myself so carefully when I’m talking with others, to make sure I ask questions and give them the time and space to answer. It’s exhausting, policing my interactions constantly. I used to think I was an extrovert but I feel more introverted all the time, and I wonder if it’s because it’s so hard for me to participate in social interactions, now that I’m more aware of all the things I need to work on. It just requires an insane amount of my brain to have a regular adult conversation.

Anyway, it’s nice to feel seen. I always wonder why certain blogs or podcasts rub me a bit raw and I think it’s just the disconnect between their neurotypical existence and my neurodivergent experience. It doesn’t quite click for me because we experience things so differently. It’s nice to listen to someone who clearly experiences most things in ways I recognize.

Today was my first Open House since 2019! I’ve spent over a week cleaning up my classroom. It’s been excruciating. But today I finally got my desks looking like this. I hope I can keep them this way for a little while at least.

I have literally been working on clearing off both these spaces, plus a low table next to the teaching desk that is usually home to towering piles of papers, and clipboards and books, for weeks. It took so much work to get them cleared off. I mentioned it to a couple other teachers and they didn’t quite get it. They were like, I had the kids help me clean up today. But students can’t help you clean up your own messes. In my classroom, I create as much chaos, if not more, than the students.

I was at work for almost 12 hours today. I got home and my husband left for a concert. I’m so tired and I still have stuff to do before I can go to bed.

So I’m going to go do that stuff.

I’m looking forward to walking into that clean classroom tomorrow…