The Cycle Continues

Last night much frustration and resentment that I’d been trying to keep to myself bubbled over and said a bunch of shit in entirely the wrong way and now I’m the bitch who loses her shit and he doesn’t have to think about his part in any of this and I’m just so fucking tired of our sad, tired, unproductive cycle.

We really need some outside help, because I don’t know how to broach these tender, entrenched issues effectively, but we absolutely can’t afford therapy.

And so our sad, tired, unproductive cycle will continue. I wonder how long we both will last?

10 Comments

  1. This happens to the best of us. It just boils over and we don’t even recognize ourselves as terrible things are coming out of our mouths. So many times, the dialogue in my head is going, “stop, stop it now. You’ll regret this,” as my mouth spews things I can’t undo.

    Hang in there. Even the best marriages have their own bad cycles, that’s what my therapist tells me.

    1. Whoa, I thought I was the only one who did that! I just cannot. stop. myself. sometimes when long-hidden frustrations erupt and I say a lot of things in a way that I deeply regret (and that undermine credibility as a sane person with a real issue that needs to be addressed!)

  2. First and foremost, you’re not a bitch. And the response you had was due to the overwhelming amount of shit you had to keep in…so yeah, no wonder you’re spewing all over the place. That being said, our marriage counselor told us, to just say it out loud, right then and there or else you’ll become this miserable person (like I did) – and while it’s going to be tough to hear and handle, he’s a grown up (like you are) and you’ll deal with it. Hugs my friend.

  3. I have a masters in counseling and as part of our training we offered low-cost sessions on a sliding scale (as cheap as $10). Even without bringing much experience to the table, I think we offered a great service to our clients and they received a lot of value from our sessions. Perhaps you could see if a local school in your area offers something similar?

  4. Sorry. This is a recurring theme with us. My husband will say/do assholey things, I burst. Unfortunately often in front of kids. Then my husband will say “oh mommy’s yelling again” making me out to be the bad one.

  5. I’m so sorry. I don’t think you’re a bitch, and it’s so hard when you have limited time together to discuss things, which can only add to you holding things in…you don’t have the opportunity to ever get it out before it builds up.

    1. I’m not a bitch, but I was acting like one (ugh, my mom used to pull that sentiment all the time with me when I was in high school and I HATED it). Things are better now, thankfully, but man it was rough there for a while.

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