I haven’t been showing up here much (although returning to posts from this time last year shows that I’m showing up more now than I did then). I’ve struggled with what to say. On the one hand my life is not all that awful right now. We are so lucky to have our jobs, and our unit to live in (without bed bugs! – I just knocked on so many wood things after I wrote that). My job is manageable. My kids are doing pretty well. Yes it’s lonely and I miss my parents and friends, but California just reopened playgrounds so this new lock down won’t be as bad as we feared. I’m sad when I think of Christmas without family but I’m looking forward to two weeks off. My husband and I are doing really well – we’re one of those obnoxious couples that is closer now that we were before the pandemic. The reality is that my day to day life is not that bad.
And yet, a lot of the time I feel awful because I know the terror and despair that people are living with every day. I read articles about towns in South Dakota where communities have lost people that were well known and respected and loved and yet they still can’t bring themselves to pass a mask mandate. I know that in a couple weeks tens of millions of renters can be evicted from their apartments and will have no where to go, because our federal government can’t get their shit together to pass a relief bill. Hospitals are full and even here, in the Bay Area, numbers are sky rocketing. And all the while our president does nothing but parrot the “we’re rounding the corner” line while he tries to get the results of the election overturned.
We are rounding a corner, and what we’re going to see on the other side is compounded heart break.
The truth is, I’m losing faith in this country. And I don’t have a lot left to lose. The idea that people refuse to wear a piece of cloth over their face in public so that others won’t get sick and die is… monstrous to me. A refusal to do something so easy to help others shows such a complete disregard for anyone but oneself.
And yes, I know we’re supposed to blame the people in power. And I do. Their failure has created this situation to be sure. But it seems like even if there had been coordinated, effective, consistent messaging from leaders there would still be people who would refuse to do something small to help the people around them. A fair amount of people.
I know it’s more complicated than that. But also it’s kind of not. Even if you’re not sure if the virus is real, or a mask will help, don’t you wear one just because it could? Don’t you take that small step for the good of your community?
I don’t know.
So that’s where I am. Stuck in the murky middle. Thankful for what I have but terrified and despondent for this country.
Thank you for writing.
Thank you for saying that in the big picture you are moving forward and working out problems. Because the problems have been and are real. Because it is helpful to hear others in this time of difficulties are keeping on and finding they are still moving ahead. Because of those who voted the majority of individuals and states voted for national change and values you support. Is it imperfect? Yes. Is it hope? Yes. Will it be hard? Yes. But we have more company than we feared in wanting improvements from ego-driven greed that does not values the lives of our citizens and the rest of the world.
I am really proud of you for self-examination and evaluation of your current situation. That you could compare this time against the angst of other times. You are a role model and huge support. It is interesting to read you are running out of hope when to me you are the hope; the hope of caring and wanting improvements and willingness to support the greater good over personal inconvenience. You make me feel I am less alone and instead am part of a team supporting a larger good. THANK YOU. We are less alone. We are on a larger team.
I am the same. Stuck in the middle, the middle of so many people believing the lies and conspiracy theorists as my colleagues and I work so hard at getting the vaccines in production. The hours we are putting in and the animals sacrificing their lives to get vaccines to people who don’t even believe there is a virus is deheartening. I feel for you and hope humanity turns a corner soon.