I follow a few people online who seem to always have their shit together, and for a couple of them they seem to genuinely feel really great about life most of the time. And while it’s true that these people make A LOT more than me (or, better said, they married people who make A LOT more than my husband – or both!), and are able to employ the services of other people in a way that greatly reduces the stress in their own lives*, they still do A LOT and objectively have more on their plates, so I think that maybe the extra help just puts them at about where I am at, and yet they NEVER post anything like I did last night. How can that be? How can they never feel just … meh. Super, super meh?
Maybe some people are just biologically wired to be more enthusiastic and hopeful, in the same way that I am wired to be anxious and depressed? Truly, that might be the answer and all my wondering about why is useless because it’s just a function of who we are, at a genetic level. Still, I wonder.
Recently, a woman who has her shit very much together but also writes more honestly (in my opinion) than most who write under their real names, admitted to having a rough month emotionally, and I so appreciated knowing that I’m not alone. She wasn’t sure what caused the funk or why it eventually lifted, but she wrote about it. Amen to that I wanted to say (and I did at one point, in a comment). Maybe other people who have those months just don’t write them down? But I know I’ve written here before (in posts probably identical to this one), that I would struggle greatly to show up here with a smile on my face when shit gets ugly in my head. Which is why I take long breaks instead.
So yeah, just thinking that same thought I always thing again, maybe this time with less judgement (toward myself! and others!) and more curiosity. I really do wonder about it. I wonder about the people who seem unfazed and I wonder why I am always so very, very, fazed. I wonder about it a lot.
*I can’t fathom being able to provide someone else’s livelihood but that is a whole other post.
What do you think is going on with the perfect people? Is their attitude genuine, or do they put up a facade for their fans? Or is it harder to explain than either of those?
Part of it is biology. The evidence is clearer and clearer that some people have greater genetic tendencies towards depression/anxiety/worry than other people, then the issue becomes what triggers these genetic possibilities into expressing themselves. This applies across many different aspects. Some people also have more physical energy than other people … think about babies you have known. Some are way more active than others, some climb everything at early ages, some are more calm and sedentary. Some people read easily, some people do math memorization with ease, some people are wonders at logical thinking … others aren’t.
There is also a factor about nurture and experiences … what is expected of you socially and culturally, what encouragements and special helps do you get in which areas, what happens that triggers genetic expression and this may have to do even with random exposure to viruses not family environment.
We are also impacted by who we meet and what options we are exposed to about our future selves. It is hard to marry a Elite School Graduate if you never see one much less meet them, this is why some of the scandal parents paid all that money to cheat their kids into fancy schools … because who you know can make a huge difference in your finances later in life.
AND, then there is the old one you have written about. How we present ourselves in social media, even in public, may not be who we are in the privacy of our own homes and minds. NEVER judge your private self against someone else’s public self because that is apples and peanuts.
I see you as someone who accomplishes SOOO MUCH in so little time. It is impressive. And not all about our different ages, though that is also real. And it is also why I always worry that you are simply deeply tired ~~ beyond what you recognize as tired ~~ bone deep tired. And also deprived of adequate time for you and one-on-one time to be people together with your husband as well as each of your children. But without loads of money to hire help I also do not see how you can manage reasonably to do this.
So …. support. (PS: remember the impact of hormones!!!! Very real, very different for each woman, more impactful than science/medicine sees/knows/admits, and not apt to be acknowledged now. As someone who has been in what is called steady state hormones for a LONG time, I can say, even steady state hormones vary capriciously with surprise.)
You are very much cared about and admired and appreciated. Thank you for the help and goodness you bring to the world.
I think I’ve come to realize, that just like some kids are just…easier…some brains/psyches/personalities are just…easier. Better suited to the current world we live in. And we all do the best we can with what we have…its just more of an uphill battle sometimes. And of course, you never know the whole story, so…
But yes, I feel this.
I think everyone has a unique approach to problems and situations — some people aren’t bothered by chaos and other people completely shut down when moving through life. So there is that. But I also know that life online (or on the screen or in a biography or even meeting a friend for dinner) is a slice of life. They’re not telling me everything. They’re giving me the highlights or the things they think are important to say. What I think is important for them to say may be very different from what they think is important to say. So I assume everyone else struggles as much as me, even if they struggle in a different way.